Resolution for Me

Each New Year we are refreshed with the opportunity to make a new start. Often we make resolutions. Often, we bring a certain expectation to the New Year, expectations about our own goals, and those of others. It is good to examine those expectations for a couple things: are they fair and are they realistic.

Often the disappointment we experience in our lives comes from our own expectations. We fail to look at the norm, at the conduct we or another person consistently demonstrates. We want more, and we want better. Often these desires have more to do with our own conduct and expectations and less to do with another. Such attitudes cannot but set us up for disappointment.

I wonder how many of our disappointments could be averted if we kept this in mind. I've often been reminded of my own "unrealistic expectations" of another, and have struggled to remember the person's usual conduct, and not to expect differently. This fact is not depressing; it is part of what it means to accept reality for what it is.

I think part of our unrealistic expectations come because we don't like living in an imperfect world. In a perfect world, yes, all would be thoughtful, sensitive, generous and kind. In a perfect world, no one would insult, slander, or offend. In a perfect world, I would not have to deal with my selfishness, my ego, my needs. But in reality, all these things that I struggle with affect me, affect other, cloud my vision and affect my altruism. I struggle even when I think I'm being my best. So do others.

As this year ends, and a new one begins shortly, I dedicate myself to healthy living, to dreaming big, and to accepting the reality of life. I accept my family and friends for who they are, not who I want them to be. I lay down my own vision of what others should be, and replace it with a vision of what I want to accomplish. I determine that what I am says best how I believe.

This is my New Year's resolution. I could do worse.

Peaceful Silence

I love this quote from Wisdom 18: 14-15, used for today's liturgy: When peaceful silence lay over all, and night had run half of her swift course, your all-powerful word, O Lord, leaped down from heaven, from the royal throne.

Peaceful silence. We all practice silence at times, as a way to recharge, but also as a way to punish. We practice silence when we are in turmoil, or insulted, or simply too depressed to talk. But that is a mournful silence, an angry silence, a selfish silence.

Peaceful silence. It seems a prerequisite for the Word leaping down. It implies tranquility. It speaks to my ability to balance my life so that what happens to me and my choice of response do not collide in conflict, but are resolved to the best possible solution. Not an easy action.

Peaceful silence. I'm reminded of the stillness of night, of falling snow, of a glowing sunset. All have potential to be beautiful, if we appreciate them.

This is what this phrase brings to my mind. What does it bring to yours?

Awakening

As the new year approaches, many of us will search for a resolution to mark this step. For the spiritually minded, this resolution will not be about dropping a few pounds or beginning some new regime of exercise as much as it will be about finding ways to be more centered, more aware, more conscious.We can do this by becoming more awake in our meditation.

Meditation has taken on greater value in the past decade, and with good cause. Science has proven its value in emotional and physical health. But it is also the door through which we can descend into the depths of secrets, those reserved for serious seekers.

And what is revealed to those becoming more awake? Only each individual heart will know. For each heart is unique, and each soul has its own journey to make. Awakening through meditation means knowing my heart better, understanding my journey more clearly.

As we approach the beginning of another year, my hope is that I can take the time for deeper and more profound meditation. For as much as it benefits me, it also benefits the whole world around me. For each person who becomes more awake brings greater hope for our world.

And can't our world use that?

Peace of Christ

We often hear Jesus referred to as the Prince of Peace. And I think, in general, we like to think of Jesus as the one who brings peace to our world. Images of the lion lying down with the lamb, or the sword being thrust into the plowshare come to mind. But when we come to to the nitty-gritty of daily grind, and see the chaos around us, we can't help but wonder, what is peace?

If it is an absence of conflict, few of us can ever hope to have it for any length of time. For life is full of reverses, unexpected events, and challenges. We only need to read the daily papers. Wars, conflicts, abuse, pain, poverty, disloyalty and dishonesty certainly abound in our world. So, where is this prince of peace? Can it be that the peace of Christ is so easily vanquished by evil?

No. That is the world's peace. That is what we are led to expect when we have little faith, when we do not get what we want, when we shake our fist and cry out, where is God in all of this! That is our problem, we want peace to be an absence of trouble.

The Peace of Christ is not so shallow, so superficial, so fragile. It resides deeper inside of us, giving us strength and perspective to deal with these vicissitudes of life. The true peace Christ gives is strong, stronger than conflict, stronger than troubles, stronger than even death.


And once you realize that, you become that very image of peace. For you know. And in that knowing, you are centered, are sure, are secure.

Peace to all of you.

Merry Christmas!

Ever stop to analyze why Christmas is such a special season? No matter what your belief, there is a spirit in the air, a lightness in people's heart, and excitement beyond Santa Claus and children. If only we took the time to contemplate what spawns such a spirit, maybe we could extend it a little longer, a few more weeks, a few months, even throughout the year. I suspect a great deal of the joy created at this time comes from sense of oneness with one another through our ties.

Perhaps that spirit, one of ties and family, come because during the season of Christmas we are more willing to let go, in order to celebrate. But if we let go more often, could we not celebrate more often as well?

It's a thought worth pondering. It's a reminder that we have more control over our happiness than we like to admit. That the power we take for our lives results in greater living. And greater living starts with greater giving, not of the material, but of the emotional. And that giving means a willingness to risk, to dare, to do.

What does Christmas say to you?

Light Shines in Darkness

Light shines brightest when there is darkness all around. Let the light of your faith shine forth this Christmas Season, that all may know the reason for your joy and your celebration. For you never know the soul who sits in darkness, and needs the light. You may be the one sent to comfort that soul.

Envision the Change - And You Will Do It

Each year we treat Christmas as though it brought something new into our lives. A great deal of this has to do with gift giving, of course. But it is good to reflect on the reason for our feelings at this time of year, and on the whole concept of  having something new.

For the dedicated Christian, Christmas is a time to renew commitment to Christ. We are reminded of all that he gave up just so he could become one of us, a step down for him to be sure. It's also a time to take stock of our own life, of our own transformation, and what it might mean in concrete terms for me.

A friend of mine has been on a rather interesting journey of late, one that doesn't let her settle too long. This shift is rather dramatic because she spent over 20 years in one place and in one profession. But for the last ten years she has been on the move. Recently, she left her job, sold her home, and moved again. After a year, she found a Graduate course that spoke to her heart, decided to go on to Grad school, started looking for a new job and a new place to live. In the midst of all of this, she admitted she couldn't help but wonder about herself and her journey. Shouldn't one seek to be settled, secure, and rooted after a time? Why did her journey never seem to end, and what was "wrong" with her life that she couldn't seem to find peace in what she has done, but felt drawn to continue the search?

Just about this time she received a Christmas card from a former co-worker. In part, it read: It is so important to be true to yourself, and you have done this all along. I admire your courage & strength. Believe that you can have peace of mind & freedom to live the life you want. Believe that you will not only survive but you will thrive. I am excited for you. I can see the sparkle in your eyes & your beautiful smile. Your loving spirit stays in this place. You have touched many lives & you will continue to do so. Your path is as special as you are.

Such affirmation did a lot for my friend. It reminded her that even while she was questioning her own journey,  she was touching hearts and souls and spirits.

And so, what change do you envision this Christmas? And what are you willing to do to accomplish it?

 

Lunar Eclipse

Since I spent a good deal of the night watching the eclipse, I'm content to post my unprofessional photos of the event here. Hope you enjoy!

Chocolate Anyone?

The eclipse. We shall see one tonight. It's exciting because it happens only rarely, and only certain areas of the world are able to view it at one time. The eclipse of the moon will take place around 2:30 EST. Anyone watching? My sister is serving hot chocolate to all those coming over to her house to watch.

I like to think of the eclipse as another example of our own journey in life. For some time tonight, the earth will block the light that reflects off the moon, and it will be in total darkness. The moon will not change. The sun will not change. The difference in the moon is not brought about by some terrible sin or failure. It is the normal sequence of a natural flow of planets.

We should remind ourselves of such when our own lives seem to be going through some type of "eclipse". It is normal, it is part of our cycle of life, and it will pass.

Chocolate anyone?

The True Mysterium Fidei

The mystery of faith. It encompasses all we do, for we all have a faith system, whether we are aware of it or not. That faith system directs our actions, influences our decisions, and colors everything we see. For the spiritual person, it also helps us discern what God is trying to say to us in this life.

The old testament often represents God speaking to an individual through a dream. Perhaps this is to demonstrate how discernment of God's plans carries with it a shadow of uncertainty. Here on earth, we will always see through a veil. And this is the fact of life. For those who want to be sure, well, they will have a long wait, or they will live in delusion. And I consider that kind of life rather static.

I wonder what Joseph thought after he brought Mary to Bethlehem for the census, ended up staying in a stable, and then was told to flee for his life. Not exactly the kind of unfolding I'd expect when I seek out my destiny in life. Which brings up another question. Do we think that finding our destiny means finding clear sailing?

Destiny, fate, providence. All such aspects of our life of faith take the inner eye of reflection. And if we believe in the presence within, we will not need the certainty without.

Silent Wonder of Presence

Ever notice how quiet things are when snow is falling? If you live in an area that gets snow regularly, you even "sense" snow by the special silence that accompanies the snowfall. Unlike rain, there is no pitter-patter. There is only silence, a wondrous, soul-filling, deep silence as it tumbles down from the sky.  As a kid, I used to love to look up as snow fell, watching the sky full of flakes crash together soundlessly as they whirled and floated through the air, down upon my face, settling and then melting.

God is sorta like snow. He comes in quiet and stillness. I think our major task in getting to really know God is learning how to be quiet and still. Be still and know that I am God says psalm 40:10. The second is dependant upon the first.

Richard Rohr makes this distinction absolutely necessary for the mystic gaze. It happens whenever, by some wondrous "coincidence," our heart space, our mind space, and our body awareness are all simultaneously open and nonresistant...It is experienced as a moment of deep inner connection, and it always pulls you, intensely satisfied, into the naked and undefended now, which can involve both profound joy and profound sadness. (Naked Now p 28)

As Christmas approaches, silence is a good way to appreciate the mystery. Jesus came in the month of December. Who can even say, that as he was brought forth, snow fell quietly from the sky, filling the world with the silent wonder that something new, something fresh was happening to the earth.

 

The Fear To Thirst

I love this quote from Lautréamont: According to what I am told, I am the son of man and woman; This astonishes me...I thought I was more.

We all want more than mere birthright. We all long for something we think of as more. But as much as we long, so true too is the fact that this longing is unsettling, disturbing, difficult. Often we don't know how to fill the void inside, or simple, that void, that unsettling feeling, that thirst hurts too much. And so, as Bernard Bro says, as much as we long, we also fear. This is the tragic aspect of the grandeur of the mind. Each of us succeeds perfectly, if she so wishes, in suffocating the questions that disturb her, in anesthetizing them...we have a thirst for happiness, but we are afraid of being thirsty.

Timothy 2:12 says, Let our lives be honest and holy in this persent age, as we wait for the happiness to come...

This is what Advent means. This is true preparation.

Contemplative Seeing

We are in a time period of short days becoming shorter, at least in the Northern Hemisphere. Our weather is colder, our nights longer. It is nature providing us with proof of the usefulness of darkness and dormancy, and its power to prepare life even while all seems asleep.


To learn the truth of St. Teresa words: One knows God in oneself, and knows oneself in God often requires us to journey through darkness, a darkness that ultimately reveals. Perhaps we need darkness in our spiritual lives because we cannot bear the whole truth about ourselves in full light.  Perhaps in darkness we learn to look with different eyes, one that looks in rather than out. Perhaps darkness makes us stop to think, instead of rushing headlong into life.

Whatever the reason, we know that darkness is part and parcel of a spiritual life. We know that learning in darkness often illuminates our own sense of ourselves, so that we realize that helplessness, imperfection and our true unflattering selves are not a hindrance to loving God; only their denial is. And in that truth, we find we can leave the world of appearance and walk in the corridor of the inner sanctum. And there, darkness will be greater than light; we will accept our naked self; and powerlessness will not frighten us because we will know God, and in his Light we will see Light itself.

Has Your "I" Seen?

Advent is a time of preparation, of celebration, of recognition. The whole world is caught up in the Christmas mystery, knowingly or unknowlingly. But do we know what constitutes the Christmas mystery? Is it just about the birth of the redeemer? Or is there more to this mystery than a baby in Bethlehem?

In Genesis28:16 we read God, you were here all along, and I did not know it. I believe this is the true Christmas mystery and message Jesus brought. It is as though he says, Hey you! Wake up. God has been here all along, but you have not known it, not recognized it. You look to the heavens for God, and he is already here, right in your midst, right in your soul.  Jesus came along and showed us these things, God is close to us, closer than we could have ever guessed or dreamed.

In Job 42:5 we read I had heard of you by word of mouth, but now my eye has seen you. Has your I seen?

Faith Without the Tether

I am often amused at the amount of contradiction one can find in the gospels. Many come from Jesus own mouth. We are to love our enemies, yet if we don't hate our father and mother we cannot be his disciples. On and on the contradictions go. And why not? Is not life itself contradictory? And if that is so, will not true faith experience doubt, questioning, confusion and light?

I think sometimes we seek a religion that is clean and straightforward, some sort of ship that we can tie our little boat to to drag us along in the sea of life. But that kind of following brings no faith. It is a mere copy act. It can't be faith, because it has no potential for growth.

Faith is something organic, something that grows even as it questions; can find light even while in doubt; can make one strong even while one wrestles with its obscurity. Faith knows there is no danger in being afraid of the dark, only in a willingness to stay there. Faith lives by facing its daily needs. It doesn't need a checklist to see if it is alive.

So when you read the gospels, notice the contradictions and ask yourself what it all means. Questioning helps your faith grow. The stronger your faith, the less you will depend on a human institute. And eventually, you will untie your boat. Because you will know that in the sea of life, Jesus is only an arm length away.

Stripping Evil from Pain

Suffering has always been a mystery to our race, with many devising various ways to explain it away, or make it seem good, as if any suffering is good. We often liken suffering to the color black, or night, or darkness, our effort to call it evil. But instead of understanding the why of our pain, we would gain considerable more grace if we put our efforts into believing God's power to bring good out of it.

Jesus showed us how to conquer not only pain, but death itself. By believing in God's power to bring good from anything we suffer, we can actually strip pain of its evil, of its darkness, of its night. Then we can say with Paul, "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:54-55). What power!

How we accept our vicissitudes in life have a lot to do with how we build our character. We must take stock of this truth. We must awaken our soul to its magnificence. We must not grow weary when the way becomes steep or difficult. For wondrous things happen to those who wait on the Lord with faith, believing not only that all things are possible, but that God can bring good out of all, regardless of its color.

Hearing the Soft Whisper

Reading psalm 36, I came across the verse: For with you is the fountain of life, and in your light we see light. Then I stumbled across this verse in Ephesians 5:14 for everything exposed to the light becomes light itself. Certainly, this is no secret, that we find light in the Godhead. But I think it is saying more.

I think it is asking us to check out our sources. For instance, how often do we seek light in some guru, or a written work, or perhaps even within ourselves. Not that this is wrong. We need help along the way, all the help we can get. But lets not forget, we have the Godhead right inside our soul, and that divinity is ready to help us along far more than any friend, book or guru. We must awaken our sense to this presence, so that we recognize the light, the inspirations, the soft whisper of God in our soul

Obviously, this takes time. But it won't happen if you don't begin here, return here often, and in time, seek this source of light before and above all others. The words of Jesus The truth will set you free can only come after we have recognized and lived by the light. And no one knows what God wants to whisper in the ear of our soul. For that whisper is saved for you alone.

Time to Nuture the Seed

Multitasking is considered a great trait in our society. We love to spread ourselves broad and give ourselves to many things all at once. Though such a concept seems inviting, it really depletes us as persons. Because the only way you can give yourself to so many tasks at the same time is to skim over all of them with a watchful eye. Which, in effect, means you cannot really give yourself to any. You must always be on the run. And while it works well when production is the only thing at stake, such a trait destroys production in our spiritual lives.

The spiritual life needs just the opposite; it needs your whole hearted attention if you hope to acquire contemplation. Concentration isn't the key here; but watchfulness is. A person used to the busyness of multitasking will find watching and waiting almost impossible. The gears of production propel when the seed of prayer needs time to grow.

Advent is all about watching and waiting. It is about planting seeds and nurturing fragile hopes and dreams. It is about awareness and consciousness and desires. It needs us to sit with our thoughts so that we understand better not only who we are, but the great who that is within.

Finding the Beyond

For the last two days, this hymn keeps replaying over and over in my mind. I heard it a couple weeks ago at a funeral. Yet it wasn't until Monday evening that it began to replay in my mind, over and over again, until I wondered what was going on! Then I heard Tuesday  readings of the Good Shepherd, and realized my soul is totally in sync with the liturgy!

The hymn starts Shepherd me O God, beyond my wants, beyond my needs, from death into life. We are all familiar with psalm 22, The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I should want. The hymn goes one step further. It prays we go beyond our wants and needs, seeing the Shepherd as the true life. I like this interpretation because it admits we have needs and that they do need attending to, that they are valid. To deny human needs is to portray Christianity as some form of asceticism that denies the true human condition. And God knows, that is disastrous.

Faith and trust in God does not negate; it fulfills. That is a truth we need to hold on to. Perhaps the centuries of monastics have made one believe that to truly love and serve God requires a radical separation from all that is normal, from all that is human, from all that can be desired in this life. But nothing could be further from the truth.

We are all called to a life that is lived with spiritual awareness and mature understanding of human needs. And to prove it, the psalmist wrote Even when I walk through a dark valley, I fear no evil for you are at my side. A spiritual life isn't about going without, it is about going beyond to that which is at our side.

Stopping to Discover the Lesson

Life is a mystery. I've heard that said often enough. I think all seriously minded spiritual persons earnestly desire to be lead by the spirit, to travel on the path marked out for them. But there are times when the way becomes blurred, somewhat murky, and difficult to discern.  What are we to do then?

Perhaps those are times we are meant to camp out and settle for a time. Maybe all the forward movement needs to halt and time should be spent discerning meaning. Maybe when all attempts to go forward are frustrated, maybe that is the time to rest. Because there are times when we need to stop and look so that we can see the issues more clearly,  see the lesson we are to learn, or perhaps, these are times we can simple increase our trust that it will all work out. Because life isn't just a journey, it's leaden with meaning and purpose. Our time isn't just to pass, but to do good, some specific good, something God has ordained from all eternity.

Such are my thoughts for today. Do you have any thoughts to add to this subject?

Into the Silence

I keep wanting to come back to the thought of silence. I think it is often misunderstood to be emptiness or a stagnant void. That is not silence; that is death.

Silence is an interior act, an active slowing down and unwinding. To acheive a fruitful silence of soul takes time and practice. Think of it as an awareness ever deepening, a slow decompression of stress, a period when the mind can come to rest and the heart is free to ponder and reflect.

In silence great thoughts are born, darkness is pierced, the soul revealed, the struggles sorted. Once you have experienced this saving power of silence, you will not want one day to pass without setting aside a quiet time to enjoy it.

Becoming the Goodness of God

Advent is about preparation and anticipation. Have you ever looked for something in vain, and then found it was right before you, perhaps on your very person (such as your glasses!). Advent's preparation and anticipation is all about our search for God. Often we search for him and fail to find him only because we have not realized his presence right there in our own souls.

Thomas Merton writes To find the Word in our heart we must enter into ourselves not so much by introspection as by compunction. This is important. The inward movement of compunction is not so much a matter of hiding ourselves within ourselves,as a liberation of ourselves, which takes place in the depths of our being, and lets us out of ourselves from the inside.

I would say that compunction cannot be realized without a certain introspection and self-reflection. Souls that possess these traits have amazing abilities to read beyond the face value of an incident or a situation. They do so because they pierce the darkness of a superficial world by their practice of silence. And in that silence, recognizing the spirit of God, they begin to mirror the goodness of God within their own soul.

Opening the Spirit

“While all things were in quiet silence, and the night was in the midst of her course, Thy Almighty Word leapt down from heaven from Thy royal throne.” (Wis. 18 :14-15)

Monasteries are places of silence. The stillness draws the individual to unwind and slow down, to decompress the hurried pace, to learn what it means "to be". Silence draws the Almighty down into the consciousness. But more. Silence lets us realize and know that the Almighty already dwells within.

All spiritual persons treasure silence because they know the value of slowing down, of letting go, of unwinding, unburdening, and letting oneself just "be". Silence is more to our nature than we think. And often, we find refuge in nature because of the silence it offers.

This Advent, make space for silence by carving out a time and a place to be still. Use props if you must. Jump start your thoughts with scripture if that helps. But do make the time for a period of deep silence. You will be amazed at what it will do to your life, and how the world of the spirit will open up to you.

A Vision that Pierces Darkness

Forgiveness. It's the christian attitude that stumps most, even those who call themselves christian. It isn't a condescending pardon. It isn't a passive acceptance. It deals with more than letting go, though that too is necessary. Forgiveness is a type of vision, a realization, an acknowledgment of our human condition. Forgiveness comes only when I realize that I am not all that different from the one I must forgive.

We understand the true attitude of forgiveness from one of the most common of prayers, the Our Father. Forgive us we pray as we forgive those who sin against us. Forgiveness is not just ours to give, but ours to receive. As such, it is an acknowledgment that just as this one has done something offensive against me, so I too, willingly or unwillingly, knowingly or unknowingly, have done to others. Forgiveness portrays our vision of this earthly condition we all share. After all, we are all capable of misrepresenting truth, of selfishness, egoism, and worst of all, arrogance. To stand in judgment of someone who is in denial of these things is to stand in denial ourselves. For unforgiveness is darkness.

If you seek to prepare your heart this Advent season, find a way to empty it of revenges and resentment. For forgiveness isn't about the person who has offended. It is about my ability to pierce the darkness around me and see life for what it really is, to see my place in the scheme of things, to know that, but for some quirk of nature, I could easily be the very one I need to forgive.

Dreaming Big

A friend of mine told me once a story about her childhood. She asked her Grandma if she could go to the movies, and Granny said yes, if you clean the house first. So she quickly cleaned, and then  presented herself to her Granny and said, "The house is clean. Can I have the movie fare please?" "You didn't ask for fare. You only asked to go. Next time, ask for what  you really want." She didn't get the fare, and so she couldn't go.

Even though this story seems a bit cruel, it does remind me of the necessity to know our need. Jesus himself said God knows our need even before we ask him. So why must we tell him? To make it clear to ourselves.

I've often wondered if my heaven is what I expect it to be, no more, no less. Jesus said, in my Father's house there are many mansions. What if those mansions are designed according to our heart's desire? What if, because we expected little, we get just that? What if our heaven is less because we desired less? Jesus clearly states that heaven is not the same for all. What makes the difference if not our desires?

I was told once, "Dream big, because no matter how big your dream, MHC has even bigger dreams for you." I listened, and believed, and wonderful things happened to me while I was at MHC simple because I applied to every award and Fellowship and program, and got them all. It wasn't me; it my  belief that it could happen.

We must think in terms bigger than  ourselves. We must always be increasing our desires. We must believe because we know God is good, and wants our good. We must know that no matter how big our dreams, God has even bigger dreams for us.