Increasing our longing.

Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee speaks to our masculine vs our feminine side. He notes that in our quests in life, we tend to focus on our masculine side, seeking goal-oriented ends. And, he says, masculine values even dominate our spiritual quest: we seek to be better, to improve our self, to get somewhere. We have forgotten the feminine qualities of waiting, listening, being empty (24). I find these words ring true for me.

Perhaps some of these problems stem from our concept of waiting. For us modern folks, waiting is more of a punishment, an inconvenience, a test. Waiting implies some sort of failure to arrive. Possession is seen as accomplishment. And not "to have" implies emptiness.

Yet, much happens in waiting. We do more self-reflection while waiting than in possession. We are more attentive, more alert, more filled with desire. Waiting also increases our yearning. Vaughan-Lee  says longing awakens us to our own need,a need which we can never satisfy...

To long, to wait. That is what the feminine qualities teach us. That is how we increase longing. And longing is not a bad thing...

If We Could Only Wait

Sometimes I feel that walking on a spiritual path is similar to walking through the woods on an earthen trail. If you keep walking, you will at some point get your feet wet and muddy. You will find times when you cannot see the sun. And there will be times when the beauty of nature ceases to amaze you and you find yourself pretty much alone.

I cannot image anyone who hasn't felt these emotions at some point on their spiritual journey. I believe the secret for weathering these times comes from remembering the truths that you held when things were good. If you believe in something and it is true, going through a "muddy feet" period in your life does not make that truth any less real. It is during these times of less sun and less amazement that we have a chance to examine not just what we believe, but why. And sometimes the why is more revealing than we like to admit.

Perhaps the secret to all journeys is having the patience to wait. Without patience, we have the adult version of the "are we there yet?" syndrome that fills us with anxiety and doubt. We want our spiritual lives to proceed  faster than they do. If we stay with the walk, if we are patient, we will find that getting our feet wet and muddy wasn't so bad. Because ultimately, when the sun breaks through and our spirits lift, we will find more amazement and joy than we experienced before. If we can only wait.

The Agony of Waiting

Searching for answers. Sometimes I think the great many struggles I've endured in life come from my need for answers. I want to know, so I can plan, so I can feel secure, so I can make informed choices. Yet, life is not that clear or clean.

Recently another move brought out again my need for clarity. I worked hard, I tried to be attentive, and I sought direction. Yet, things weren't working out like I'd hoped. I grappled with the realization that trust means not knowing the whole picture, but accepting where I am now and being able to wait.

Wait. That's a hard one for me, and I suspect many others as well. I don't want to wait.  I want to run. I want to get on with my life, I want to put everything in order so I can feel secure and safe. And unanswered questions don't allow me to do that. They make me wait.

Maybe you can identity with this, the agony of waiting. There is a lesson to be learned in it, I'm sure. But I still don't like it!

Time to Nuture the Seed

Multitasking is considered a great trait in our society. We love to spread ourselves broad and give ourselves to many things all at once. Though such a concept seems inviting, it really depletes us as persons. Because the only way you can give yourself to so many tasks at the same time is to skim over all of them with a watchful eye. Which, in effect, means you cannot really give yourself to any. You must always be on the run. And while it works well when production is the only thing at stake, such a trait destroys production in our spiritual lives.

The spiritual life needs just the opposite; it needs your whole hearted attention if you hope to acquire contemplation. Concentration isn't the key here; but watchfulness is. A person used to the busyness of multitasking will find watching and waiting almost impossible. The gears of production propel when the seed of prayer needs time to grow.

Advent is all about watching and waiting. It is about planting seeds and nurturing fragile hopes and dreams. It is about awareness and consciousness and desires. It needs us to sit with our thoughts so that we understand better not only who we are, but the great who that is within.