It is good for you that I go away

It seems a contradiction, that in order to gain, we must first lose. That is the message Jesus gave his disciples when he ascended away from them. "If I do not go, the spirit will not come" (Jn 16: 6).  It is as if Jesus is saying, yes, there will be losses. But there will also be gains. That indeed is good news.

All of us have had our losses. We each handle it differently. Jesus' words about going away, about loss, is heartening to me, because it is a reminder to hope. Perhaps this is Jesus way of telling us that when we experience loss, as we inevitably will, we need remember there will be a gain as well. And Jesus is saying, not the same gain, but something greater, something more wonderful, something more consoling.

This is how Jesus contradicts the world and its concepts. Jesus offers us a different way of thinking and of responding. He turns evil upside down, brings blessings out of pain, and gives us more than we lose. This is what it means to walk in his shadow and understand his message. It means never settling for less, the less the world would have us believe.

The disciples responded to Jesus going away by gathering together in prayer and waiting. It can't be a bad example to follow. For sometimes, my loss is overwhelming, and all I can do is wait and pray. Jesus would have me wait with hope.

Be a messenger of hope

Words. They are only as important as we make them. If I do not hold to what I promise, my words are cheap and empty. If I mean what I say, then my words are true, and they hold respect and trust.

I think that is the meaning of Alfred Delp's words, let ourselves be comforting messengers. Hope grows through the one who is herself a person of the hope and the promise. We can only offer that which we hold true.

I think Advent is a time to take stock of my words and to honor my promises. To make sure I carry out what I say, regardless of its inconvenience, to be more authentic in my speech.

That is because Advent is about the Word. As the book of Wisdom says so eloquently, For while all things were in quiet silence, and the night was in the midst of her course, Thy almighty word leapt down from heaven from thy royal throne. (Wisdom 18:14-15)

That Word stayed true. It came for a purpose, and it accomplished that purpose. My words should be as sacred. I should do what I say, even if it is night and no one else is around to witness it. This is how I become a messenger of hope. This is how I further the promise.

Moment of grace

Clouds break and bend light rays to expose color

The Southeast is experiencing an unusual weather pattern. While the rest of the US wilts with record heat, central Alabama is enjoying cooler and damper days. For a person very much affected by the sun’s rays, I find this a mixed blessings. I enjoy the cooler temps, but I would love to bask in the sunlight. Still, this being Alabama, I know the sun will shine again.

This reminds me of life itself. I’d like the sun to shine continually on my spiritual life as well. I’d like the way to be smooth and clear, and the challenges few and far between. But life isn’t so easily managed.

Bede Jarrett writes: Faith is the basis of life, and charity is its crown; but hope is its greatest need. Most of the difficulties of life come because we are so prone to lose heart.

I like the thought that many of our difficulties come because of our tendency to lose heart. That means life would be just a little easier if we kept in mind the working of grace. This means remembering that no matter what happens, all things work together for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28).

This one verse alone could calm our anxieties. We would look upon reverses, calamities, and setbacks not in the light of broken lives and disappointments, but with the knowledge that no matter what, God can and will bring something good from this situation.

To keep hope, then, is to keep one's face turned toward the light, and know that however dark the cloud that obscures it, the sun will break forth once more. It is not a fantasy that keeps one detached about life, but a solid belief that with every event comes a special grace. Hope is more than looking forward. It is a way of accepting life itself, with trust and certainty about the goodness of the Divine Being.

Hoping for a better past

There is no forgiveness without giving up hope for a better past. The sentence grabbed me. How often have I re-played my life, and made past events different because it was comforting to my imagination? Would we not all like to re-live and correct those dumb mistakes, the foolish acts, the less than perfect life so that it never happened? But it did.

Perhaps that is the meaning of Jesus words, "when you put your hand to the plow, do not look back"  (Lk 9:62). Perhaps Jesus is trying to reassure us that the past is not doomed, it is not set in stone, it does not define us. That being a follower means looking forward, not backward.

I think in some sense, our obsession with our past is mostly our obsession with ourselves. A monastic of many years said to me sadly, "I still don't know if God is pleased with me." I looked at her and said, "I don't think there is a problem with God. I think the problem is you are not pleased with yourself."

How true it is. God is standing by, watching us obsess, and wondering when we will give it up. Divinity is bigger than our pettiness. But we have to let it go to experience that wholeness from the Divine. We have to stop looking back, wishing the past were better. We must look forward, knowing it is our desire that matters. And that often, it is ourselves, not God, who is dissatisfied.

Time to Prove

Sometimes waiting can be an opportunity to reflect back to God.

When I make a life-changing decision that I believe is part of my journey toward fulfilling God's work through  me, I expect things to go smoothly. I do this from past experience: when I discern incorrectly, I face all kinds of closed doors. When I discern correctly, I've seen things simply fall into place. I like that. And I've come to expect that.

But sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Sometimes, after spending serious time discerning, making major and challenging changes, things don't fall into place. Stress, fear and tension build instead, and I find myself questioning myself over and over again about the decision. I wonder if perhaps I've gone wrong.

I've come to the conclusion that when you truly believe you are traveling in the right direction, you are sometimes given the opportunity to prove to yourself just what you are willing to pay toward that goal. It's not fun. But it is an experience and opportunity to deepen myself.

In this journey of ours, its good to remember the words from Jeremiah 29:11-14:

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord. Plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you says the Lord, and I will change your lot.

Remembering...

Today I visited a friend who recently learned that she has terminal cancer and is given only a very short time to live. The news totally shocked all of us,  including herself. She had no clue she was so sick.

She had began a spiritual journey a while back that led her along a very different path than the one she had been on previously. I looked at her lying in her hospital bed, helpless to overcome the pain and sickness that had overtaken her. I thought of her faithfulness to the path of her calling, her dedication to God, working toward a closer union with him, and I told her what an inspiration she's been to me. She looked at me and said, "As I look back now, I can see how God was preparing me for all of this." I listened to her and thought, yes, looking back we often see the hand of God in our lives.

Hindsight reveals things we don't often see in the moment. Sometimes our most difficult times were times of our greatest graces. Looking back, we often see clearly how God was leading us, and we did not know it.

You would think that once we realize this, once we looked back and saw just how much God took care of us, we would never doubt him again. But it doesn't work that way. Each time, we must remind ourselves anew.

That's when it's good to look back and remember. When looking forward seems fragile, look back. Remembering God's care is a great antidote for fear or doubt. Remembering just how much the Divine has been there for us, guided us, lead us along the right path can give us courage to face uncertainly. My friend certainly exemplifies that.

Awakening

As the new year approaches, many of us will search for a resolution to mark this step. For the spiritually minded, this resolution will not be about dropping a few pounds or beginning some new regime of exercise as much as it will be about finding ways to be more centered, more aware, more conscious.We can do this by becoming more awake in our meditation.

Meditation has taken on greater value in the past decade, and with good cause. Science has proven its value in emotional and physical health. But it is also the door through which we can descend into the depths of secrets, those reserved for serious seekers.

And what is revealed to those becoming more awake? Only each individual heart will know. For each heart is unique, and each soul has its own journey to make. Awakening through meditation means knowing my heart better, understanding my journey more clearly.

As we approach the beginning of another year, my hope is that I can take the time for deeper and more profound meditation. For as much as it benefits me, it also benefits the whole world around me. For each person who becomes more awake brings greater hope for our world.

And can't our world use that?

Light Shines in Darkness

Light shines brightest when there is darkness all around. Let the light of your faith shine forth this Christmas Season, that all may know the reason for your joy and your celebration. For you never know the soul who sits in darkness, and needs the light. You may be the one sent to comfort that soul.

The Spirit That Cannot be Defeated.

By Sr. Mary Grace Thul, OP

Bede Jarrett, OP writes: Faith is the basis of life, and charity is its crown; but hope is its greatest need. Most of the difficulties of life come because we are so prone to lose heart.

If losing heart is the opposite of hope, I agree whole heartedly with Jarrett. When difficulties or troubles abound, it is hope that acts like a life jacket and keeps us afloat. In our narcissistic and critical world, hope is all the more needed. The heartbeat of present day culture seems bent on its own destruction of spirit. The tendency to concentrate on what divides us is so strong that we forget what unites us. This is true not only in politics and race, but in religion as well.

Hope, though greatly enhanced by a working and faith-sharing community, really depends upon one person: myself. Recent scholarship suggests that some depression is actually a habitual state of mind that looks more to the dark side of life than to the light. To keep hope then is to keep one's face turned toward the light, and know that however dark the cloud that obscures it, the sun will break forth once more.