When light harms and darkness enlightens

Darkness is usually seen as evil, and light as God. And yet, there are times when we live in darkness, and it is not evil, but a time of rest. And conversely, times when light is not God, but danger and subtle pride.

Psalm 121:6 speaks to this time theme when it says, The sun shall not smite you in the day, nor the moon at night. These words infer that light can be harmful at times, times when we put a lot of trust in our selves, our own reflections, our own inspirations, and forget that we are and always remain wounded. And that seems to be the problem.

People of faith tend to struggle between feeling unworthy and forgetting that they remain wounded no matter how strong their faith. It is for us to strike a balance between the two. First of all, we do not need to become "worthy" in God's eyes, for he sees us as we are. We only need to go forward in trust, a humble trust that remembers always, we are vulnerable beings.

As Christians, we are often taunted by the same words used against Christ and Jeremiah, "If he is God's chosen one, surely God will save him." We even speak these words to ourselves. And yet, how wrong are those words! We should replace them with the words of psalm 23:4 Even if I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil, for you are with me with your rod and staff, that give me courage.

This is true inspiration, one borne of darkness, one of acceptance of one's vulnerability, and one that leads forward in the light of trust.

Destination. We like to know, and even in our spiritual life we like to be able to see the goal here and now. But there are times when we have to be content to journey along without having a clear picture of destination.

If you have ever been in darkness on this matter, you will recognize the dilemma. It can be a change of careers, a move, a turning point in life. You pray and ask for guidance, and wait for some clear signal of where you should go. But you find darkness instead, and you sit and wonder, am I doing what is right? Am I going in the direction I need to go? And you pray, “What do you want from me, Lord?”

Such times call for a deepening of faith. It is like the disciples on the boat with Jesus. One would think that if Jesus is there, all should be fine. But this night, a storm breaks loose on the sea, and the disciples are in fear of being capsized, of drowning, of losing their life. And Jesus sleeps on, seemingly unaware of their dilemma. When the disciples wake him, he isn’t so much concerned with the storm as he is disappointed that they are terrified. “Why did you fear, oh you of little faith?”

Those words are a reminder to us that knowing the destination is not the all important thing. What is important is keeping faith, continuing on even when we are not sure. For Jesus is never far, and knowing is not as important as loving. Jesus asks us to believe, even when things are dark, even when we can’t see, even when he seems asleep.

Expect more

Our great expectations can make us beacons of light

We've all heard it said, that we've come to expect too much and so set ourselves up for disappointment. Usually this is said about our modern conveniences and a society that expects instant results.

But I think the problem is rather, we don't expect enough. I think we place our expectations in the wrong field. I think we look for fulfillment in social achievements when we should look instead for personal goals. That's what I think.

Your typical person today doesn't expect much of him or herself when it comes to faith. For some reason, our faith has become very passive. We are not required to face the lions, or hid for fear of our lives, or even stand on the street corner and argue for what we believe.

Yet, faith isn't just what we believe; it is how we live out that belief, making it the door that opens up a different level of life. When our expectations are high regarding faith and all we can accomplish with it, we become boulders of strength and lights upon mountain tops.

History tells us of individuals whose living faith made them stand out through the vision they encompassed, a vision often ahead of their times. Sometimes the very people they represented misunderstood them. But that didn't deter them. Because they expected more--more of themselves and more of their fellows.

We need more visionaries today. We need more people willing to open the door into a higher level of life. We need greater expectations of what our faith can do for us.

Moment of grace

Clouds break and bend light rays to expose color

The Southeast is experiencing an unusual weather pattern. While the rest of the US wilts with record heat, central Alabama is enjoying cooler and damper days. For a person very much affected by the sun’s rays, I find this a mixed blessings. I enjoy the cooler temps, but I would love to bask in the sunlight. Still, this being Alabama, I know the sun will shine again.

This reminds me of life itself. I’d like the sun to shine continually on my spiritual life as well. I’d like the way to be smooth and clear, and the challenges few and far between. But life isn’t so easily managed.

Bede Jarrett writes: Faith is the basis of life, and charity is its crown; but hope is its greatest need. Most of the difficulties of life come because we are so prone to lose heart.

I like the thought that many of our difficulties come because of our tendency to lose heart. That means life would be just a little easier if we kept in mind the working of grace. This means remembering that no matter what happens, all things work together for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28).

This one verse alone could calm our anxieties. We would look upon reverses, calamities, and setbacks not in the light of broken lives and disappointments, but with the knowledge that no matter what, God can and will bring something good from this situation.

To keep hope, then, is to keep one's face turned toward the light, and know that however dark the cloud that obscures it, the sun will break forth once more. It is not a fantasy that keeps one detached about life, but a solid belief that with every event comes a special grace. Hope is more than looking forward. It is a way of accepting life itself, with trust and certainty about the goodness of the Divine Being.

Going beyond need

Who hasn’t smiled at the directness and honesty of children? But while we chuckle at how uninhibited they act we know the day will come when life will not be quite so simple for them.

In our spiritual life, we too must "grow up" into reality. Bernard Bro puts it this way: perhaps the best definition [of an adolescent] is that of someone who has not yet experienced her limitations, and therefore has not had to accept them.

Bro points out that much of our prayer, the earnest and heartfelt portion, usually springs forth when we realize our limitations, our woundedness, our needs. When we do, we have the opportunity to accept them in faith, or to become angry that life isn't fair. Our acceptance, our "growing up" leads us to that authentic self, where we no longer pretend to things that are not so.

Bro goes on to say Prayer brings us back to what is most authentic in our quest for happiness...prayer makes us free...prayer...must teach us every day of our need for God.

If you and I would grow up spiritually, we need to realize that prayer is more than asking. It is accepting. It is telling God that we are okay in feeling needy, in being wounded, in having wants in life. Prayer from an adult says to God, "Yes, this is a relationship where I can trust that no matter what happens to me, I can reach out my hand and find you are there." Prayer is realizing that it is our very needs that keep us close to God.

For if we were all sufficient, who of us would take the time to pray?

Time to Prove

Sometimes waiting can be an opportunity to reflect back to God.

When I make a life-changing decision that I believe is part of my journey toward fulfilling God's work through  me, I expect things to go smoothly. I do this from past experience: when I discern incorrectly, I face all kinds of closed doors. When I discern correctly, I've seen things simply fall into place. I like that. And I've come to expect that.

But sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Sometimes, after spending serious time discerning, making major and challenging changes, things don't fall into place. Stress, fear and tension build instead, and I find myself questioning myself over and over again about the decision. I wonder if perhaps I've gone wrong.

I've come to the conclusion that when you truly believe you are traveling in the right direction, you are sometimes given the opportunity to prove to yourself just what you are willing to pay toward that goal. It's not fun. But it is an experience and opportunity to deepen myself.

In this journey of ours, its good to remember the words from Jeremiah 29:11-14:

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord. Plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you says the Lord, and I will change your lot.

Remembering...

Today I visited a friend who recently learned that she has terminal cancer and is given only a very short time to live. The news totally shocked all of us,  including herself. She had no clue she was so sick.

She had began a spiritual journey a while back that led her along a very different path than the one she had been on previously. I looked at her lying in her hospital bed, helpless to overcome the pain and sickness that had overtaken her. I thought of her faithfulness to the path of her calling, her dedication to God, working toward a closer union with him, and I told her what an inspiration she's been to me. She looked at me and said, "As I look back now, I can see how God was preparing me for all of this." I listened to her and thought, yes, looking back we often see the hand of God in our lives.

Hindsight reveals things we don't often see in the moment. Sometimes our most difficult times were times of our greatest graces. Looking back, we often see clearly how God was leading us, and we did not know it.

You would think that once we realize this, once we looked back and saw just how much God took care of us, we would never doubt him again. But it doesn't work that way. Each time, we must remind ourselves anew.

That's when it's good to look back and remember. When looking forward seems fragile, look back. Remembering God's care is a great antidote for fear or doubt. Remembering just how much the Divine has been there for us, guided us, lead us along the right path can give us courage to face uncertainly. My friend certainly exemplifies that.

Beyond Fear

Gregory the Great could be called the Doctor of Desire, says Jean Leclerq. He says The importance given to desire confers on St. Gregory's doctrine an extremely dynamic quality. It is concerned with constant progress, for desire, as it becomes the more intense, is rewarded by a certain possession of God which increases it still more. The result of this desire is peace rediscovered in God, since desire is itself a possession in which fear and love are reconciled.

I find Leclerq's statement rather bland. I would like to put fire under it and proclaim, its all about desire! God cannot be possessed without it, nor fear vanquished, or struggle overcome. The phrase that we obtain a "certain possession of God", bothers me, because it makes God seem almost beyond our reach. And I'm not so sure fear and love can be reconciled. I'm more of the mind that love cast out fear; that fear can be overcome, that we can move beyond fear into a loving trust through a habitual response of trust. What we often lack is patience with ourselves, patience with the process, patience with the imperfections. It's as though we expect never to fail, and then berate ourselves because, what? we're human? God forbid!

God isn't unapproachable. He doesn't reign somewhere high above us, so that we must struggle to find even a "certain possession" of him. Time and time again scripture and scholars and mystics tell us: he is in the depths of our hearts. He waits patiently for us to find him there. And only desire can bring us.

For the Sheer Beauty of It

Flowers of the Wild

I like to think of the flowers in the wild. Here they are offering their beauty to all, whether seen or unseen, appreciated or unappreciated. It doesn't matter. They stand in their own splendor and follow the seasons for the sheer sake of it.

If only we could be so sure of our worth, sure enough not to need the compliments of passerbys. If we were more in touch with our God within, we would know the loveliness we have to offer. It isn't so much standing in our own splendor and follow the seasons of life with greater joy and confidence. It's conscious giving to that One who cares, and not caring about all the rest. Hard, I agree. But a worth while pursuit.

Traveling Alone

Living by the spirit, heeding the inspirations that come, and even more importantly, following the way you discern, does not always result in joy, fellowship and community. It can lead one into a place of loneliness. And during such times, life can seem unusually hard, because we all treasure a friend who can understand and encourage.

I've rarely read anything to guide one through a time like this. Much has been written about "The Dark Night of the Soul".  But rarely have I read about the topic of loneliness, as though it is to be avoided at all costs, or perhaps as if it doesn't happen to good hearted souls.

But happen, it does. I suspect the topic is difficult to tackle. No one wants to learn that when you are most "down" you may even be most "alone".  No one likes to hear...time to bear up, yourself...give up hope for a friend, or even someone who understands. You must go forth on this journey in your doubts and confusion, and stop expecting understanding or even an ear. During such times, life may become darker than night. Because there is a lot we can bear, if we have someone to encourage. To go it alone, well, lets just say that is hard.

During such times it is important to keep the journey uppermost in mind. For it is often during our most "alone" hours that we learn of our weaknesses and our strengths. Continuing forward, believing solely because our faith tells us so, that requires us to reach down into our very depths for a faith, hope and trust we didn't know we had.

We talk about God as Trinity. But we forget, the journey to God involves quite a bit of loneliness as well. It isn't so much when we suffer it, but how we work through these times that changes us as a person.