Going forward on the journey

Sometimes when I look back over my life, I wonder why I could not have taken the more "traditional" path: know what I want, pursue it, and then find contentment with what I get. This has hardly been my journey.

Instead, my pursuit has often left me wanting. I would stare at my achievement, and wonder why I did not find the satisfaction I expected. Reflection and time set me again on another pursuit, with much the same result. As I set out yet again, I cannot help but wonder, am I unique? Or are there others who also find that the first pursuit did not reveal the true desire of the heart?

Catherine of Siena tells us that, when we look back and see that life has been less than straightforward, there is a tendency to become discouraged. She writes we become frustrated with ourselves and abandon our spiritual practices, thinking God must not be pleased or satisfied with what we have been doing. That is the temptation, to yield to discouragement and stay with what one has.

But I believe that life is not meant to be straightforward, that we learn lessons only with reflection on the past. Then we decide how to make today's journey just a little bit better. Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee believes it is a matter of surrendering. He writes Love's union is stamped within the heart, and our own self is the only veil that separates us from this mystical secret. Once love has brought us Home, we realize the illusory nature of our ego; we come to know how we have always belonged to love--the ego, battered into surrender, melted down by longing, steps aside and allows us to glimpse this truth (p. 123).


Vision comes slowly.  I must continue my search, knowing that each surrender helps me tear away a little of the veil that separates me from the mystical secret in my heart. I must never give in to discouragement, but accept this for what it is, a life-long endeavor.

To stay true to my journey, I find it helpful to remember the words of psalm 18:1: I love you Lord, my strength.

Stay the pursuit. Only then will you come to the mystical secret of the heart.

 

Knowing God in darkness and in light

Winter reminds us that fluctuations in life are part of the natural cycle. For us in the Northern Hemisphere it means shorter days and longer nights. It is nature providing us with proof of the usefulness of darkness and dormancy, and its power to prepare life even while all seems asleep.

To learn the truth of the words of Teresa of Avila, One knows God in oneself, and knows oneself in God, often requires us to journey through a night of darkness, a darkness that ultimately reveals. Perhaps we need darkness in our spiritual lives because we cannot bear the whole truth about ourselves in full light.  Perhaps in darkness we learn to look with different eyes, one that looks in rather than out. Perhaps darkness makes us stop to think, instead of rushing headlong into activity.

Whatever the reason, we know that darkness is part and parcel of a spiritual life. We know that darkness often illuminates our own sense of ourselves, so that we realize that helplessness, imperfection and our true unflattering selves are not a hindrance to loving God; only their denial is. And in that truth, we find we can leave the world of appearance and walk in the corridor of the inner sanctum. And there, darkness will be greater than light; we will accept our naked self; and powerlessness will not frighten us because we will know God, and in his Light we will see Light itself.

On the road to Emmaus

No where do we see our perception challenged as we do in the story of the road to Emmaus. We see the disciples walking back to their home town, discouraged after seeing the events of Jesus death and burial, wondering where all their hope has lead them. In the midst of this discussion, Jesus walks up to them. Despite the fact that they are talking about him, despite the fact that they had lived and worked with him, they do not recognize him.

What does this story tell us? Here are two disciples talking about Jesus, and when he comes into their midst, they do not know him. And so, what does Jesus do? He walks along with them, and joins in their discussion. He is to them what they think he is, a stranger.

I've often wondered if Jesus is to us what we think of him. If we treat him like a stranger, then he remains a stranger to us. If we treat him as a friend, then he becomes our friend. If we want him to be judge, then he is our judge, and if we want him to be savior, he is our savior.

Nowhere else can we so influence a relationship. Jesus, for whatever reason, approaches us as he is, but lets us see him as we believe. He is to us what we imagine. I find this thought fascinating, and something to ponder. It makes me examine the gospel story of the road to Emmaus carefully.

Jesus remained hidden to the two disciples all day long. Even though they talked about him, even though their hearts burned as he opened scripture and enlightened them to the words and meaning of the prophets, they did not recognize him. How we are so like these disciples! We busy ourselves with church, with functions, with sacraments and doctrine, and still we do not recognize. We carry out good deeds, read timely works, and pray. And yet we often keep Jesus a stranger to our hearts.

The disciples on the way only ‘saw’ Jesus when they treated him as a friend, invited him to "stay with us, for it is nearly evening, and the day is far spent." Or, better put, only when they made that stranger their friend, could Jesus then be that friend. He would not force recognition on them. He did not chide them for not seeing. He waited, and watched, and let them invite.

Such thoughts beg the question, what is my image of Jesus? Because Jesus will be that image to me.

Accepting what the journey brings

Seeing and not seeing. It's often a topic on Monastic Ponderings. We become conscious because we want to see. We practice compassion so that our hearts will respond better and know more. We meditate so that we are aware. It all implies a willingness to journey. But there is another aspect to our journey: a willingness to accept what that journey brings.

It happens that sometimes we fail to see, not because we are spiritually blind, but because we don't like what we see. The product is not what we expected, we'd hoped for more, or less, or better. We find ourselves in disbelief that after all we've done, this is the result? And so our journey has brought us to a point we do not want to be, with a decision we do not want to make, and a revelation we would rather not have. It is natural to resist.

It just goes to show that no one ever "arrives" at a place where struggle ceases, despite all the rhetoric to the contrary. The journey will always have its challenges, and we will always have choices. Paul complained about his own battles, about the struggle, and doing those things he did not want to do while not doing the things he planned. And the reply he received was "My grace is sufficient for you."

We are pilgrims in this life, and we should know that faith will carry us forward. For revelation can be having our expectations thwarted so that what we think is replaced by what really is. It's worth a thought. And isn't that what the journey is about anyway?

Your Small Doorway to Destiny

Jesus said, "Follow me." But he didn't indicate we should follow anyone else. And, from what the gospels portray, he didn't do much following himself.

Now being a follower is not bad. The danger is, when you are following, you are not searching. When you are following, you are passively engaging, but not actively pursuing. In plain words, when you are following someone, you are not striving to be your best self.

I like to interpret the words, "The way is narrow, and few are those who find it" to mean, each of us must find our personal mission given only to us. It is part of being our authentic selves. It requires courage, for it begins with self-discovery. Then comes acceptance, because new beginnings can only start with where we really are.

If you take on the challenge of self-discovery, you will find that small doorway into destiny. Only you fit into your personal destiny. It won't be a clear path. There will be brambles to clear, dark alleys to endure, and times when too many directions loom before  you. But once set upon that journey, you will be loathed to leave it. Because joy comes not only in possession of your treasure, but in the purest pursuit of it as well.

Stopping to Discover the Lesson

Life is a mystery. I've heard that said often enough. I think all seriously minded spiritual persons earnestly desire to be lead by the spirit, to travel on the path marked out for them. But there are times when the way becomes blurred, somewhat murky, and difficult to discern.  What are we to do then?

Perhaps those are times we are meant to camp out and settle for a time. Maybe all the forward movement needs to halt and time should be spent discerning meaning. Maybe when all attempts to go forward are frustrated, maybe that is the time to rest. Because there are times when we need to stop and look so that we can see the issues more clearly,  see the lesson we are to learn, or perhaps, these are times we can simple increase our trust that it will all work out. Because life isn't just a journey, it's leaden with meaning and purpose. Our time isn't just to pass, but to do good, some specific good, something God has ordained from all eternity.

Such are my thoughts for today. Do you have any thoughts to add to this subject?

Sharing the Joys of Journey

Recently I attended a conference on Meditation. The meeting was open to all faiths and beliefs. As I listened to others speak about their meditation practices, I realized more clearly just how necessary it is to be on a journey to understand what it is all about. If you aren't on the journey, then such things as faith, silence, destination will mean little. It would be like watching cricket while having no clue to the rules or purpose of the game. Interesting, perhaps, but not exciting.

To be excited about the journey, one needs practical experience of it. But there is something more...those of us actively pursuing our journeys need to share our thoughts and goals with one another. Such sharing enriches, comforts, encourages, enlightens, and generally assists.

I encourage you to share your journey with someone. Talk about the process, the humiliating failures (they can be quite comical), the deep insights, the joy of pursuing something as wonderful as God. By sharing your journey, you can reap rich rewards.