I love this quote from Lautréamont: According to what I am told, I am the son of man and woman; This astonishes me...I thought I was more.
We all want more than mere birthright. We all long for something we think of as more. But as much as we long, we also find this longing unsettling, disturbing, difficult. Often we don't know how to fill the void inside, or simple, that void, that unsettling feeling, that thirst hurts too much. We either try to fill it with "things," or we pretend it isn't there. In either case, we push aside that voice that whispers to us.
Bernard Bro says that happens because, as much as we long, we also fear. This is the tragic aspect of the grandeur of the mind. Each of us succeeds perfectly, if she so wishes, in suffocating the questions that disturb her, in anesthetizing them...we have a thirst for happiness, but we are afraid of being thirsty.
It's a good thought for today, to reflect on ways I might be suffocating the questions that trouble me. It's good because if I really believe I'm made for more, I need to face my thirst, and not be afraid.
I had a physical lesson of this while I was sick for a few days this week. When I started feeling better I had an overwhelming desire to drink water. I got up one morning and my mouth was so dry I could barely speak, I drank and drank, and how wonderful the cool water was. All that day I drank. As day turned into night the salt I had evaded at lunch was taken that night. The coffee pot came out again, and all the drying agents were in place and the intensity of the thirst forgotten or should I say replaced with the normal standard patterns. How much that mirrors our spiritual thirsting, problems or questions move us to thirst after what only God can give us. Yet after that great refreshment that we enjoyed to the full, we move back to life as usual again, letting ourselves dry out until the next trial makes us recognize our dehydration and great thirst. Why do we forget those refreshing times so easily over and over again? Why don't we just choose the right when it is such an evident blessing? Alas that is one of the great struggles of life, hopefully the span between that thirsting gets shorter each time, it is that paradox of being and yet becoming. We are God's children but we are ever becoming His children as our character is formed over time. To ask questions of ourselves is good,and to read a blog like this is an excellent way to remind us. In truth we all need all the help we can get!! My what a patient and loving God we love and serve.
ReplyDeleteYou say it so well! I love the concept of "being and yet becoming". I'm sure it will feed my meditation. Your image of thirst well describes our souls...longing yet not realizing for what. It's like we are...but not quite yet. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They are truly inspiring.
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