I have to confess, that with the pressure of school work, I have not a thought in my mind these days but stats theories, memorization of diagnosis, and journey. It makes me realize again, how important good friends and good reading are to the soul.
Which makes me wonder how the Desert Abbas and Ammas made it out there all alone. When I read their stories a little closer, I find that though they may have lived in solitude, there was a lot of visiting going on from one cave to another. They were not really "alone".
I think of being "alone" as both a blessing and a curse. Like most individuals who have a passion for writing, I love my solitude. Nothing pleases me more than being alone to sit and reflect and write.
And yet, too much quiet time brings out the demons of loneliness. And I think loneliness can drive one to all sorts of things.
This comes to mind particularly because of the death of the well known artist of Light, Thomas Kinkade. An artist whose paintings contained an inner light, he himself was tormented by all kinds of demons. I have to wonder, did his paintings portray more of what he desired rather than what he actually had? Did his own inner darkness bring forth his desire for light?
Perhaps it is the same for us. Perhaps our creative juices come more from our longing for rather than our actual possession. Perhaps trial and tribulation come not to burden us, but to awaken our soul.
Such are my thoughts this morning.
This entry really struck a chord with me, because lately I have also been reflecting on the solitude of the desert monks and how they managed to save themselves from depression.
ReplyDeleteWhat bothers me about trial and tribulation is that in our prayer I think we should be gifted as the Bible says those who seek shall find, and yet it does not always go to our expectations. When I ask God why, I usually get a mixture of answers that do not seem to fit together.
It's hard to belong to a Church that today has so many varying human beings, you just can't approach anyone who is Christian and seek answers.
I wonder what the desert monks were like toward one another. Were they cold, or were they gentle spirits?
That is a good question. There is a great book on the Desert Fathers by Helen Waddell that translates letters and stories that have been handed down. Still, one does wonder. I believe those who imbibed the real spirit of Jesus were gentle souls. I have met those kind of people, living in the monastery. Gentle souls who radiate goodness more than they speak of it. Gentle souls who make one think of God, and also feel the closeness of God.
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