Finding God for myself

I have noticed that those whose spiritual life is guided by others, those who spend hours listening to what we should believe, how we should act, what is right and what is wrong with society; as I said, those who take their faith from another's faith tend to be hard people, judgmental people, shallow people. They tend to think of life in black and white, right and wrong, good and evil.

Perhaps this happens because truth is not truth for me when I simple accept it from another. It is like food that I fail to digest. It stays hard.

To understand, to be a true believer, I need to digest the truth for myself. And I cannot do this without serious reflection and silent time for meditation and Lectio Divina. I must grapple with the words, I must apply them to my heart, I must understand from my own reflection, not from another's.

I suppose there is a fear to do this. I have noticed that silence is a scary thing for many. And I can understand why. Silence leaves me with myself. Yes, that is a scary thing. And yet, this is the door that I must face if I will open it. Facing the truth about myself helps me to be less judgmental, because I am keenly aware of weakness in good will, failure in good intentions, imperfection in even the most beautiful.

I am not saying that we should throw all knowledge and guidance aside. I am advocating that I spend time with scripture and with truth and with God, so that I can learn about these things on a personal level. For if God is not personal for me, then I will be shallow in my faith; it will remain something someone gives to me, not something I have learned about in the depths of my soul.