A different kind of day.

Ever had your day all planned out, and then nothing went right? Well, I had almost that. After spending about 20 minutes writing up something for today, my screen suddenly went blank, and it was gone. Completely. I couldn't even get back on the Internet, let alone try and see if my post was somehow saved. And it wasn't.

Of course, my first instinct was annoyance. What? After all that time and thought! After spending time looking up quotes and pondering the topic? After typing and re-typing and....what??????

But, in God's plan, maybe what I wrote was more for myself than for sharing. So, instead of a thought for today, I'm just hoping you have a good day!

Called to Gaze

Anselm Moynihan writes of contemplation The contemplative dimension belongs in varying degrees to all believers, even if many, or even most, fail to live it in a way that is at all perceptible. But all are called to seek the face of God...

Contemplation. I tried to find a precise definition for the word, to distinguish it from meditation or simple prayer. But all explanations are complicated, extensive, and to some extent, confusing! So I will give my own explanation: contemplation is simply the intimate communication between God and soul when the soul has become familiar with God, when it is second nature of that soul to think of God and to gaze upon him.

The journey toward contemplation isn't as difficult as it would seem. If you are given to daily meditation, if you frequently seek the inspiration of the Spirit, if you ponder life, values, journey and place, you are already a contemplative. The best news is, the more you do these things, the easier it becomes.


Somewhere recently I read that Christians are the least like the Christ of the gospels. I don't know if I agree totally with this, but it certainly deserves some thought. Contemplation is a solution to that problem, because the contemplative person takes on values they believe in and become those truths. In other words, a contemplative lives by what they say they believe, because they are aware of it at all times.

Monastics are called contemplatives because their very lives are meant to draw them into this intimate relationship with God. But all believers are called to this intimacy--all you need do is try.

Finding that True Desire

The gospel quotes Jesus as saying, "Where your heart is, there is your treasure also." I think the wisdom of that thought is obvious. What is not, is where our treasure is.

Ask any one of your friends to describe, in one word, what her treasure is. I would be surprised if she or he could. Ask yourself. And you may find it hard to discern that one thing necessary.

I think this is what Jesus criticizes when he tells Martha, "You are upset and worried about many things. But only one thing is necessary."

Life happens. We are caught up in the necessities. It isn't easy to remember where our treasure is. That's the unfortunate thing about tragedy or death...we often are brought face to face with our true values. And how often do we say, I wish I realized this sooner.

In the monastic life, we are given time every day to reflect on such values. It is hoped that by so doing, we remember this and keep our heart always pointed toward that treasure.

But meditation isn't a monastic right. It belongs to all Christians, all believers, all who seek sincerely. I personally believe the best meditation comes when we quiet our inner selves, and sit silently with perhaps one or two words. The silence itself allows us to discover our heart, and our true desires.

Knowing where your treasure is puts a rudder on your life. It keeps you pointed in the direction most important to you. And when you know what your treasure is, you can appreciate having the gift given to you. For the psalm Love the Lord and do good, and he will grant you your heart's desire can only be realized if we are conscious of it.

Kick off your shoes

I'm sitting here doing my meditation, my shoes off, my coffee right at my side, sitting in a comfortable chair and cooled by air conditioning. And I'm thinking, "Wow, this is life." Then I remember that St. Catherine of Sienna said, "All the way to heaven IS heaven." And I think some more about how we make our lives-full of simplicity or full of rules.

I, for one, don't like rules. I guess that's a by-product of so many years living in a monastery. Teach me the spirit of the thing, and let me fly. Rules-well, rules are made to be broken. Because if you don't break the rules, then you are-what? Bound. Right?

I think we make rules mostly to control others. If you want something to go smoothly without any mistakes, what do you do? You draw up a schedule, to limit what others do! Or you put together a bunch of "dos" which imply all the "don't dos".

Okay. I know this is too simplistic. It's hot here and I love my bare feet and I think Jesus broke rules in the Gospels to tell us-its not about the rules. It's about the spirit.

So, go forth and live in the spirit.

The Tie Down

Perseverance. I was taught, as a young religious, that no grace was greater than that one. That once you made the commitment, to live and die in that commitment-that was the highest perfection. I believed it-until I found out better.

To keep in God's grace doesn't mean we have to "stay the same". There are times when we must move on, when staying in our present position is actually a cop out, a failure to God's inspiration in our heart. Just because we've begun life a certain way in a certain state doesn't mean we have to remain in that state or way the rest of our lives. To do so means we can never admit we've made a mistake.

So now I don't think about perseverance. I think about God and grace and truth. Because these things, to me, mean more than "staying with that choice you once made many years ago, maybe a choice made under pressure or in stress or whatever, but once you make a promise, you can never ever admit it was a mistake, God simply would not understand such humanness."

So don't think perseverance. Think - is this right for me? And if you find it isn't, don't be afraid to say "Gosh, I've made a mistake. It's time to get out of this and move on."

The Spirit That Cannot be Defeated.

By Sr. Mary Grace Thul, OP

Bede Jarrett, OP writes: Faith is the basis of life, and charity is its crown; but hope is its greatest need. Most of the difficulties of life come because we are so prone to lose heart.

If losing heart is the opposite of hope, I agree whole heartedly with Jarrett. When difficulties or troubles abound, it is hope that acts like a life jacket and keeps us afloat. In our narcissistic and critical world, hope is all the more needed. The heartbeat of present day culture seems bent on its own destruction of spirit. The tendency to concentrate on what divides us is so strong that we forget what unites us. This is true not only in politics and race, but in religion as well.

Hope, though greatly enhanced by a working and faith-sharing community, really depends upon one person: myself. Recent scholarship suggests that some depression is actually a habitual state of mind that looks more to the dark side of life than to the light. To keep hope then is to keep one's face turned toward the light, and know that however dark the cloud that obscures it, the sun will break forth once more.

Crossroads

We all come to crossroads in our life, when we are forced to chose a direction. We stand at the fork in the road, and deliberate which fork will best take us forward.

I wonder if that is why Jesus speaks of a "cross". We tend to make the description physical, and tag the image of him dying on it. That description always carries the concept of suffering. But maybe he also meant the cross to denote decisions we must make when we reach that place in life where our path splits, demanding some kind of decision.

There are two parts to a decision. There is the actual choice we make, and I think most of us do pretty well with that. But there is also the responsibility we must take for making that choice. And that's the part we tend to mess up.

Look at the story of Genesis. Eve makes a choice to eat the forbidden fruit, and shares it with Adam. But when they realize, whoa, what a mistake! they run and hide. Like God can't find them.

I think there is a spirituality that encourages us to hand over our choices to another, by following someone else's direction. That spirituality instills in us a sense of safety and security. The other person guides, and our task is only to follow. In such spirituality, the other person always assumes responsibility.

But that kind of spirituality cannot build strong relationships with God. The soul, failing to know the hardship and fear of making choices tends to rely on pious practices. And as good as pious practice may seem, they do not build the bedrock of faith and trust. That comes when we take risks, and take responsibility for choice. When a soul soft in pious devotion meets disastor, often that soul runs and even abandons ship because it expected to be saved from real life pain.

Choices follow us always, and maybe that is the sense of Jesus words, "take up your cross and follow me." Not that life must be one long suffering journey; but that life requires constant decision making. Carrying our decisions could mean, taking that responsibility along, and learning from it. Such a spirituality is solid, built on a constant discernment, which is really nothing more than a constant seeking of God.

Crossroads. The journey is only as good as the heart. Choosing a path that doesn't turn out allows us to accept our responsibility for that choice and allows us to make another choice. Such a life is deeply fulfilling, exciting, demanding. And it leads one so close to God, you don't hide when he comes to walk along side you, whatever cool of the evening you meet him. You reach out and take his hand, and tell him about your day, sharing with him all that is happening in your life.

Kingdom of heaven

by Sr. Mary Grace Thul, OP

Today's communion antiphon reads: The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls; on finding one rare pearl he sells everything he has and buys it. (Mt 13:45-46).

Life is like that. We search for that which we consider valuable. When we find it, we determine the way to make it ours. Think of the dream vacation you saved up for, or the home you wanted so badly you sacrificed everything so that you could buy that house. Or that car you just had to have.

Finding Jesus in that interior place within ourselves requires that we must be willing to sacrifice as well. Be it a satisfaction with our present state, or resentments, worries, or petty concerns that clutter up our mind and make it too difficult to navigate to Jesus, we must let go before we can grasp him. He is there. But we must find our way through the maze called temporal life. Only when we find him and get to know him do we realize what a treasure we have. And only then, will all we have sacrificed seem more than worth it, for the pearl of great price is greater than all those things we sacrificed to obtain it.

The Woman Preacher

Mary Magdalen. What a woman. The gospels tell us she had seven devils cast out of her. It also tells us she followed Jesus faithfully, and stood there at the foot of the cross. She is the first one to see Jesus on the day of resurrection. And Jesus doesn't say, "Hi Mary, Got to run. Must tell the big boys I'm up."  He says, "You, go and tell my disciples I have risen." For this account, the church calls her the Apostles of the apostles. So, Peter and Paul, step aside, because you are superseded by the faith of one who once had seven devils. Step aside because a woman has been chosen to proclaim the good news to you. Step aside, because love conquers all, and Mary Magdalen had that love.

Tradition puts Mary Magdalen, the women who washed Jesus feet in the house of the pharisee, and Mary the sister of Martha as one and the same person. Present day scripture scholars dispute that fact. But it remains true that the Mary Magdalen mentioned in scripture stood at the foot of the cross, where no disciple would be seen but John. She was the first to go to the tomb, not even giving thought to the heavy stone, or the guard of soldiers. She was the one who stayed at the tomb, even after Peter and John had left. Mary Magdalen, the name so synonymous with sinner, should be the epitome of selfless love. While the disciples hid behind locked doors, she went out in public, in daylight, to find her lord. While others saw an empty tomb and left, she stayed and wept.

Mary Magdalen's love for Jesus is often mistaken in our day, a day that cannot see pure love for what it is, but must find something sexual about it. After all, how could a sinful woman be attracted by goodness, unless she was going to get something physical in return? But Mary Magdalen continues to be the patron of preachers, those who are sent to deliver the good news. And she certainly is a model for all women seeking to spread that good news.

God's presence.

Somewhere in scripture Jesus says we are never alone. We used to think of this as God "watching" us always. No matter where we were or what we were doing, God was sitting up in heaven and could "see" us.

But I now think of such things differently. I think of God being within me, not so much watching, but just being. And no matter where I go, I am taking God along. Maybe he is sleeping like Jesus did in the boat. Maybe he is enjoying the view. Maybe he is trying to catch my attention.

Julian of Norwich spoke of God as the acorn. Catherine of Sienna saw him as a bridge. But, however your image, we do carry about a presence divine and wonderful and awesome.

Integrity

Integrity. I just heard a wonderful description of integrity from someone I respect. Integrity, she said, is the gap between what you say and what you do. The smaller that gap, the greater the integrity of that person. The larger the gap, the less integrity.

I like that concept. It's addressing the divide we often find within ourselves between what we say we believe and how we conduct ourselves. To bring the two closer together is to live with an ever increasing integrity.

She got the concept, she says, from God. He is the Word. And what he says, he does.

I love that thought. Think I will chew on it for a while.

Signs From on High

We all seek signs to guide us along the way. Imagine taking a journey to some new place, and finding no signs to tell you where you are or what direction you destination is. That would be a nightmare!

In our spiritual life, we are always looking for guidance in the form of some sign. Are we to go ahead? Is God hearing us? Is it time for a change? What is this experience telling us about life, or direction, or purpose?

And yet Jesus criticizes those seeking signs and wonders. I wonder why.

I remember well a friend whose husband was dying of cancer. She desperately wanted a miracle so he would live. She prayed to St. Therese, and found her "sign" on a dinner plate containing pictures of roses. She was so happy! And then her husband died.  Obviously, she read the sign wrong, or it wasn't really a sign after all, and she was grasping at straws.

I believe seeking signs isn't what Jesus gets upset about. I think it is when we become like petulant children demanding signs or wonders. Because by demanding to always "know" we lose faith in the mystery of it all.  And it is living in mystery that our faith is strengthened, our spiritual life deepened, our vision sharpened.

Just imagine what your journey would be like if the highway were filled with directional signs every mile of your jounrey. You would miss the beauty of the journey.

Silence before God

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross writes Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.

Silence. Even spiritual people seem allergic to it. I gave a talk one time on Modern Day Mystics. I mentioned the need to sit still before God, without the formalized prayers or petitions. And the participants admitted that they found that near impossible.

But it really isn't. It just takes hard work. Often, darkness teaches us to be silent. It takes away all thought, and leaves us with feelings of emptiness. And if we sit before God with that emptiness, we find that in the darkness we are learning to discern God. And sitting in that darkness, waiting on God, we learn to listen and discern better and to open our hearts to just the presence of God, without needing any favors or gifts or whatever.

Padre Pio once said that the miracles he performed were "candy for the children". If you want a mature spirituality, learn silence. In silence you will find how out just how sufficient God alone is for all of your needs. And then you will not need the candy.

Journey into the Unknown

Thomas Moore, in his book, Care of the Soul, writes We have to dare to experience the unknown, to open ourselves to unexpected influences on the soul...the trouble with some of our modern [people]...is that they aim at goals that are known--fantasies of normality or unquestioned values....By focusing on a single value, we close ourselves off to many other possibilities that may seem contrary to the chosen one.

Moore is speaking of the journey of the soul, and it's many faceted life. Sometimes our failure to gain peace of heart is because we are unwilling to walk into the unknown. We would rather stay in a place of distress than take the risk of discovery toward peace and growth. Sometime, though, light can be reached only through the journey of darkness.

Life offers many challenges. Our faith will give us the courage to face them, simply because it tells us the one thing that never changes: we are not alone.

Discernment and Relationship

The Sunrise this morning!

I was walking with a friend yesterday, and mentioned how stressful I find the process of discernment. How so? she asked. Well, I responded, I am sometimes in a quandary as to whether I should act or whether I should wait.

In the old days, we use to confront all major problems of this kind with the statement, we must pray. And then we would walk away. If God wanted something done, well, he had better do it himself! But I've learned better now, learned that that free will God gave me has some amazing powers to open doors and change direction and step forward. I just don't always know the when or where or how.

I've seen books written about discernment, as though it were some magical or mystical mathematical problem that needs a mysterious formula. I agree it is mystical. But I don't consider it mathematical. I consider it part of an ongoing relationship with God, one where we try to understand him better so as to follow that wonderful plan he has for us. And, best of all, we don't always have to get it right, we just have to keep on trying.

Bonaventure saw God as relationship, in the mystery of the Trinity. I've never been attracted to the mystery of the Trinity, just because it seemed to impose more problems than I wanted to grapple with. But I love the concept of viewing God as a relationship-one person interacting with the others. And I love the concept of our life as a close relationship with God, something organic, something very close to life on the natural.

So, my guess is that discernment is a compilation of our relationship with God, not some "what do you want" question, but "do you think I should go this way?"  Perhaps I'm splitting hairs. But I am willing to bet, if you are discovering an ever deeper relationship with God, than you will know which hair I'm talking about.

The Mystical Body

Ever have something happen to a friend, and feel like it knocked you off your feet? I guess that is what is meant by the communion of Saints--that we share a bond so deep that time and space cannot diminish the spiritual ties that bind us.

I remember when a dear friend of mine left the monastery. I was deeply affected by her taking off the habit and going back out into the world, as if her own struggle with commitment had affected my own belief in it. I found myself questioning the how and why and what does it all mean. I felt as though her failure had in some way lessened my own ability to remain faithful, that her questioning had in some way cast a shadow over my faith, that her giving up, as it were, had dampened my determination to go forward.

We all have similar experiences, though we each process them differently. But as I remember that day like it was yesterday, I realize better just how inter-connected we are spiritually with those who share our way of life. And Paul's comments on the Body of Christ, and how we are all part of that one body, become just a bit more clear.

I think we tend to forget this important part of living out the Gospel in our effort to pray, work and accomplish. Our lives are interconnected-and we do need to remember we lift each other up by our good example. And when one soul loses heart, all of our hearts lose just a little too.

Journey Toward Purity of Heart

Santiago Trail in Cahors, France

Francios-Louis de Blois writes [everyone] can attain to the very highest wisdom of mystical theology and union. For this matter no unusual powers of mind are required, but purity and humility of heart, liberty and detachment of mind, with fervent love, are the only qualities necessary.

Purity of heart. It's why men and women of every class left high society and made for the desert cell. Its why men and women of means and learning left the universities to enter monasteries. It's why you and I continually seek to know God better--because only through a purified heart can we see God.

Theresa of Avila wrote a whole treatise on the journey to the inner sanctum of the heart. I contend that we don't have to understand these "stages" necessarily, just be willing to continue that journey come what may. In my life time, I have met wonderful men and women who started out on the journey toward developing a greater consciousness of God, made impressive and sometimes heoric changes in their lives, and then, somehow, got stuck. Perhaps it was disappointment in those they set so much store in, perhaps it was a crisis of faith, or perhaps they hit a pot hole and decided to just stay down and indulge in self-pity. Whatever the reason, they gave up the journey and became content with the rest stop, became satisfied to remain "stuck" and look at the destination from a distance, no longer ardently seeking the forward momentum. Memories were enough, memories of better days and more satisfying lives, as they sat around the fire of discontent and passed around the drink of self-pity or defeat. And while they thought they were cherishing their memories of better days, they were losing it, losing it in the drink of self-pity, which always taints the truth of the story.

Purity of heart isn't something we acheive. It is an ongoing act, one that comes with the journey. If we show good will, ardent desire and pure honesty, we can keep from staying down after stumbling. And each effort toward good or desire for God or act of rising makes the heart a bit cleaner and the vision closer to the Truth. And what is light, after all, but the product of a burning fire, a fire burning within, that purifies, enlightens, and guides?

Purity of heart. It is not automatic. But if you are sincere, you will surely possess it, as surely as the sun will shine or the moon will rise. As surely as God is good. As surely as Truth is Truth.

Discontent - and its message.

Have you ever been discontented with your life? I have. And I have also sown it in the lives of others, causing them to question their goals and failures. It is unsettling, to be sure. But it is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, discontent is only bad when it is unrealistic, or when peace is the prime goal of our lives, peace at any cost. But that kind of peace is nothing but lethargy.

We are pilgrims, and the pilgrim is not out for a lasting city here and now. And so when we feel discontented, we should examine the cause, to see if perhaps God is using it to nudge us forward, keeping us on that journey, not letting us get too settled into this life in which we are, after all, only pilgrims. Discontent can be God's way of not letting us settling for less when more is just around the corner.

I think we forget that the markers of a great soul is discontentment with the "norm." Believing there is more, searching for it, pondering where the road should lead or how to get there, that is major discontent, and making that journey results in major satisfaction and in the end, pure joy.

And now, I hope I've sown some seeds of discontent in your own heart and soul.

The Mystic Gaze

The Mystic Gaze. Don't you just love that phrase? It hints at the ability to see beyond the veil into things hidden from the normal view.

Every time we search for God, be it within a circumstance, a word, a book, an interior prompting, we are gazing mystically. Every time we attempt to discern God's plan for us, we are practicing it. Every time we sit in silence and think within our heart of God's goodness, mercy and compassion, we are enjoying it.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again. You don't have to live in a monastery to live like a monastic. We are all called to that life lived above the noise and frustration of daily circumstances. And living there requires a mystic gaze, a remembrance of God within, and realization that we have here no lasting city, but to stretch forth toward the light that is eternal.

Naming The Divine

Artwork by Sr. Mary Grace Thul, OP

Olivier Clement in The Roots of Christian Mysticism expounds on the many names we give to God. Quoting the Patristic Dionysius the Areopagite's treatise on Divine Names he writes theologians praise the divine Origin for having no name and yet possessing all names...Goodness, Beauty, Wisdom,...Giver of life, Intelligence...Ancient of Days, Eternal Youth, Salvation, Justice, Sanctification, Liberation, as surpassing all grandeur, and manifesting himself to humanity in a gentle breeze. (29)

It is this all encompassing aspect of the Divine that Clement sees surrounding humanity, which we see only when we pierce through the veil that blinds us and look beyond the superficial to the Divine within, be it ourselves or others. That is why God is referred to as Light, because as Clement writes, According to the Fathers, the fall impaired the capacity of creatures to see the divine light, but did not destroy it.

As we can see just from the multiply names applicable to the Divine, the search for the Divine takes us gently but deeply into the essence of what it means to be God. Such a journey opens up the world of the spirit for us, giving us a better perspective on life in the here and now, and allows us to go beyond the tangible to things intangible. This is the journey of the monastic. This is your journey.

Inescapably Determined

As an English major, I love words. So when I saw the words: inescapably determined" I was captivated! The writer referred to attitudes toward family influences, how we believe that where we come from totally influences what we can be. But I can see a broader use for these two words: life itself.

Know of anyone who seems "stuck" in a pattern of depression or self-pity? It can be a thankless job, a loveless marriage or an empty relationship. The individual will act as though there is no solution, as if they are "stuck" and cannot escape. That is where they are wrong.

Life doesn't deal out bad things to good people, people do. And we have the power to accept or reject many such incidents because we have a weapon  given to us by God: our own powerful free will. Our problem comes when we find it easier to complain rather than to change! Because such actions are hard, demanding, threatening to our security, our identity, our circle of life. Yet, if we take the courage needed, we can experience life-altering changes.

Perhaps it is good to keep the psalmists words in our heart: Look to the Lord in his strength: seek to serve him constantly. (105). When life calls for drastic change, when the choice will alter the way we live and the circumstances we live in, we need the Lord and his strength.  I know, because I have had to make such choices. And my only regret is I waited longer than I needed to.

A Tag for your Mirror

We all look in the mirror in the morning, be it to brush teeth, shave, check out the newest grey hair or wrinkle. So, here is a quote that is worthy of your mirror:

Jeremiah: Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you.

Such words carry a powerful message. God has plans for us, plans he conceived of even before we were born.  Shouldn't that be a reminder of how God loves us not for what we do but for who we are?

Life takes on a different quality and meaning when we are on a mission. God has a mission for us, one he decided before we came into being. Let us rejoice in that calling, and keep it ever before our face. Like on the bathroom mirror...

Let Freedom Ring!

Celebrating Independence Day is a wonderful occasion, especially when you consider what men and women have done to preserve that independence. Yet, we all need an "Independence Day" for ourselves, a day when we step away from our neediness and begin to realize just how strong we are as persons in faith.

The 13 colonies stepped away from Britain because they felt their God given rights were being violated. But each soul has its own God given privileges, its journey, its purpose particularly its own. From your mother's womb I knew you, says God to Jeremiah. Before you were brought forth, I consecrated you.

What prevents us from enjoying that freedom of soul that finds its joy so deeply embedded in God? Usually our dependencies on material and emotional ties. They don't have to be bad to prevent us from being free. They usually are just our distractions from a serious interior life.

Freedom is part and parcel of being an American. It is also expected through our life with God, as St Augustine says in his Rule, we should be free, in the liberty of Divine Grace.

Memory and me.

Memory. It plays such a critical role in our lives, and in our religion, and in our family. In fact, it would be hard to imagine life at all without its memories.

Yet, like anything else, memories need moderation. We all probably know of someone (perhaps oneself, God forbid!)for whom memory played a bad role, causing that person to live in the past, and forget that the present and future still exist, still hold promise, still need to be made into a memory. That kind of memory is a tomb.

At the last supper, Jesus said, "Do this in memory of me."  But he didn't specify what kind of memory he wanted us to bring to mind each time we do this action. He didn't say, "remember me on the cross," or "think of my sermon on the Mount." He just asked that when we do this action, this supper, that we think of him in a way that brings him to our mind's eye.

Our memories should be likewise. They should make us think of the past without keeping us in the past. For each, it is a matter of sorting out, letting go, moving forward or simply moving on. Only the individual can find a way to keep memory a companion and not a task master. And then, truly, memory becomes enriching and rewarding. For it keeps us always in company with those we never want to lose.

I Love you Lord...

I sat down to meditate today, and could not bring a single thought forward. Ever have a day like that? So, I concluded, this will be a dry day for me.

And then I went to Office of Readings, and the very first line of the very first psalm (118) was, I love you Lord, you are my strength. And with that line, years of spiritual living burst forth, and I remembered.

I remembered how that line took my fancy, and I made it my mantra, repeating it often: in times of joy and despair; in times of faith and doubt; in times of emotions and dryness. That line from the psalm was like my link to God, and it became the first line on my lips when anything happened to me, be it good or bad. And when I saw it this morning, all those many years tumbled before me, and I felt like I'd put my hand in the hand of my best friend, and told him sincerely (because he was now familiar to me and knew how much I'd been through) just how much he meant to me.

The psalms offer us a depth of emotion and honesty not found in our formalized prayers. Take a line, make it your own, and let it build your relationship to the Lord. You will not regret the results