Lately I've been watching the news more, anxious to know how things are going in Japan. But when I turn on the news, I see the same things reported over and over again. I realize part of this is the need for the news media to fill in their allotted time slot. Still, it wearies me.
But then I realize the same can happen in my spiritual life. I can feel the need to say a set number of prayers, or do a set time of meditation in order to "fill in" my time or keep to a schedule. In other words, my prayer life can itself become routine to the point of being insincere. How can I guard against that? Obviously, there will be times when it doesn't come easily or naturally. What to do? Go through the motions in the hope that it will return? I was taught that form of perseverance. But I no longer agree with it.
I think instead we should return to the thought of yesterday about dormancy. There are times when we do feel empty, with nothing to say. I'm not suggesting we forego meditation at those times. What I am suggesting is that instead of filling those times with rote prayers, we instead sit with our emptiness. We can be still before God, and wait upon the Lord. It is hard to do. But it is an important part of the process.
My problem has always been the fear of feeling empty. I've come to realize that this is part of being in the desert. There is a time for emptiness, a time for sitting in silence without a thought in our head. While we are waiting for inspiration, God is at work in our soul. The secret is to stay focused, to stay alive, to stay with God even though he seems far away. In time, when we look back, we shall see the fruits of such deeds.
We must train ourselves to accept this part of the journey, the "lost and tired of searching" chapter we all must go through. For by accepting our emptiness, we will come to the day when we exclaim with Peter, "Lord, it is good for us to be here!"
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