Feeling empty

I do not often admit to it, but today when trying to write a thought, I feel empty. No thoughts, no inspiration, no juice.

I suspect I am not the only person who has these days. There are some times when empty comes. And despite attempts to jump start thoughts, there are none.

I think that empty is good. Empty is a time to listen, instead of sharing. It is a time to check on being open, a time to stop. A time to reflect.

But how you can reflect when you are empty?

Simple. I am still. I stop trying to steer my journey and instead concentrate on surrender. Empty is good, because it reminds me that my journey is my journey. I often share the thoughts that I find helpful. Being empty helps me remember, not all thoughts are helpful to all. I have to accept that.

Surrender I think is the opposite to building. Sometimes when I fail to surrender to emptiness, I begin to build. But sometimes that building is not good building. I don't have to always build.

Surrender is a reminder of my frailty, my limits, my neediness. I am not god. I am a creature seeking Divinity.

Surrender is acting out this belief. It is letting God be God. It letting me be still.
 

Sitting with Emptiness

Lately I've been watching the news more, anxious to know how things are going in Japan. But when I turn on the news, I see the same things reported over and over again. I realize part of this is the need for the news media to fill in their allotted time slot. Still, it wearies me.

But then I realize the same can happen in my spiritual life. I can feel the need to say a set number of prayers, or do a set time of meditation in order to "fill in" my time or keep to a schedule. In other words, my prayer life can itself become routine to the point of being insincere. How can I guard against that? Obviously, there will be times when it doesn't come easily or naturally. What to do? Go through the motions in the hope that it will return? I was taught that form of perseverance. But I no longer agree with it.

I think instead we should return to the thought of yesterday about dormancy. There are times when we do feel empty, with nothing to say. I'm not suggesting we forego meditation at those times. What I am suggesting is that instead of filling those times with rote prayers, we instead sit with our emptiness. We can be still before God, and wait upon the Lord. It is hard to do. But it is an important part of the process.

My problem has always been the fear of feeling empty. I've come to realize that this is part of being in the desert. There is a time for emptiness, a time for sitting in silence without a thought in our head. While we are waiting for inspiration, God is at work in our soul. The secret is to stay focused, to stay alive, to stay with God even though he seems far away. In time, when we look back, we shall see the fruits of such deeds.

We must train ourselves to accept this part of the journey, the "lost and tired of searching" chapter we all must go through. For by accepting our emptiness, we will come to the day when we exclaim with Peter, "Lord, it is good for us to be here!"