Feeling empty

I do not often admit to it, but today when trying to write a thought, I feel empty. No thoughts, no inspiration, no juice.

I suspect I am not the only person who has these days. There are some times when empty comes. And despite attempts to jump start thoughts, there are none.

I think that empty is good. Empty is a time to listen, instead of sharing. It is a time to check on being open, a time to stop. A time to reflect.

But how you can reflect when you are empty?

Simple. I am still. I stop trying to steer my journey and instead concentrate on surrender. Empty is good, because it reminds me that my journey is my journey. I often share the thoughts that I find helpful. Being empty helps me remember, not all thoughts are helpful to all. I have to accept that.

Surrender I think is the opposite to building. Sometimes when I fail to surrender to emptiness, I begin to build. But sometimes that building is not good building. I don't have to always build.

Surrender is a reminder of my frailty, my limits, my neediness. I am not god. I am a creature seeking Divinity.

Surrender is acting out this belief. It is letting God be God. It letting me be still.
 

Surrender and freedom

Surrender, like a good seed, has many shoots

Surrender. It is suppose to help one let go and be free. But as a recent conversation with a friend revealed, surrender can also bring guilt and sadness. Why would that be?

I have several thoughts on the matter. First of all, surrender, like forgiveness, is not a one time act. Though you make a decision, you must renew that decision every time the thought or desire to cling comes to mind. And that is what I think my friend was going through. She had given up something precious that she felt she needed to let go. And she felt the freedom of letting go as she gave it away. But coming  home, she was engulfed in sadness because, that decision had to be made all over again, and that letting go had to be renewed.

I think there is another aspect of surrender that we rarely think about, and that is consequences. I tend to think of Surrender as the culmination of an act, the final decision. But it isn't. Life is a journey, and we must enter into such aspects of this journey not once, but over and over again. And so, surrender is not the ultimate act, it is just one act made along the way, bringing with it other changes and consequences. Our task is not to lose heart, not to forget the goal, and not to be surprised when our surrender makes us feel more vulnerable, or less rooted.

I think that surrender is not just an important decision that leads to freedom, but an important step in our journey. It is surrender that says I can trust more, I do not need to cling to some security or memento. Surrender takes courage, because it is a definite step forward toward vulnerability. And in being more vulnerable, we do become more Divine.