Becoming a single voice

Echos. They fascinate me. Sometimes they do more...they draw me into a "following" mode. It’s not a bad thing to follow. Some people lead into very interesting paths. But sometimes when I give myself over to following, I forget to discern my own choices. When I do that, I lose my most authentic self. I let someone else dictate to me what should be, instead of searching for it inside my heart and pondering over it with my mind and praying over it while trying to discern.

To be authentic means to be brave enough to face myself alone, see who I really am, when no one is around, when I am in my room by myself, when there is no danger of criticism or shock or dismay. For we all fear the reaction we will receive if people really knew us. And I fear shocking myself more than shocking anyone else.

I am meant to be a clear, single voice. I am meant to sing my own song with my own voice.  And when I sing my part, clearly and unabashedly, the melody takes on a new beauty, one coming from something only I can give.

The challenge of truth

Who do you say that I am? The question is direct, and it begs for honesty. What Jesus is really asking is have you discovered the truth for yourself?  Or are you basing your opinion of me on what others are saying? 

The same question can be applied to our image of ourselves. Who do I say that I am?  Is my image formed by what others say of me, what people tell me I am, what I imagine I am? Or have I discovered my own truth?

The question is important because we cannot make the spiritual journey without first entering into the cell of self-knowledge, which is necessary if we hope to go deeper into truth. It means to discover the authentic self, not from the image others give me, or even that I give to myself, but from my destiny.

Sometimes we look with envy at what someone else is doing because we fear to become what we are destined to be. We find every excuse to deny our own potential because we fear the pain, the demands, the sacrifice it takes to accept our own truth.  It is easier to let what others say I am be enough. But it is never enough. To remain an image is to remain hollow.

Self-knowledge requires serious reflection, self-reflection, prayer, courage, and acceptance. It demands authenticity. Only serious souls will journey down that path and not settle for less.

The whole of faith is built upon truth. It starts with self-knowledge. So, who do I say that I am?

Deliberating at the Crossroad

We all come to crossroads in our life, when we are forced to chose a direction. We stand still at those times, wondering which path to take, which road will lead us to our true destiny.

I wonder if that is the better meaning of the word "cross" that Jesus speaks of. In our world of negative tendencies, we often make the description physical, and tag the image of him dying on it. As though suffering is the only way. But the cross should mean more than just dying. I think we should see the cross as a symbol of life, as a sign of the decisions we make at crucial times, decisions that will impact where we go and our ultimate destiny.


I think there is a spirituality that encourages us to hand over our decision making in spiritual matters to those in the church. As if we cannot be trusted, as if any mistake we might make would be catastrophic. Sad. Because to truly be on a journey means to take risks and knows mistakes. And a spiritual life that is not fraught with insecurities, disillusionment, and confusion offers little chance of practicing faith, hope and trust.

Choices confront us constantly, and I would like to think this is what Jesus means when he says, "take up your cross and follow me." Not that life must be one long journey of suffering; but that life requires constant decision making. Carrying our cross should mean carrying our responsibility and learning from it. Such a spirituality is solid, built on constant discernment. And what is discernment but standing before the face of God, and knowing he is God.

Discernment of Roles

Painting by Sr.Mary Grace Thul, OP

How often in life we hesitate because we are afraid of taking a chance? I'm not referring to lottery tickets or horse races. I'm referring to stepping out and daring to do something out of character. Something that speaks to our heart and requires a response, one we fear to give.

Part of our hesitation comes from our lack of perspective. We think of life as all about me. But life is bigger than me. The important part of my life is the role I play, the role I am called to.

But who understands that role right off? How many of us have chosen our role only to discover we've not perhaps chosen wisely? What will make us take the next step?

I often refer to life as a journey because journeys are spend in moving, in contrast to work, which is usually accomplished by standing or staying still. Too many of us are afraid of moving, not so much because of the cost but for fear of a failed discernment, of another misstep. But we can only get it right if we keep trying. Staying in a failed discernment gets us no where. Better to make another failed discernment than fail to discern at all.