In a monastery garden

Monastery grounds

I've often heard the expression that silence prepares you to speak. I disagree.

I can argue this because I am a great proponent of silence. I have often spoken of it on this site, and I can honestly say that it is one of the elements of monastic life that I miss.

Even so, I still say that silence does not prepare you to speak. It prepares you to listen. It offers you a venue for meditation. But it does not make you ready for engagement.

I say this because when I left the monastery, my first response to difficulties was silence. It wasn't because I was being thoughtful. I simply didn't know what to say. It has taken me years to remedy this deficit.

I think this consideration applies to other things as well. What may be good for one thing is not necessarily good for another. And worst of all, over-spiritualizing my spiritual life is the worst sin of all. I am not prepared just because I believe, or because fate has handed me the chance. I need to prepare, regardless of my faith.

I don't know why I am rambling so much today. Perhaps it is the heat. Perhaps it is the absence of Internet during the week so I cannot blog. Or perhaps being back at the monastery has stirred up many thoughts and emotions.

I'll let you know next week.

I'm just sayin...

A recent incident has made me re-visit thoughts on being true to your word.  Last summer I was in charge of getting someone to do some work at the monastery. Two men came, looked at the work, and said they would get back with quotes. I never heard from them again. Strange, I thought. Not only did they not call, but they did not even answer calls to them.

One fellow happened to be recommended by a friend. That friend also called with no results. So the monastery went ahead and got someone else who actually did the job.

This week, I found out from my friend that she saw this guy at a funeral (the one who promised quotes and never returned). She asked him what happened. Oh, he replied, I won't do that job. No way.

Why didn't he just tell me he wasn't interested? Why did he promise quotes and breakdowns and men when he had NO intention of delivering. Why was he so very unprofessional?

That's why today I am thinking of the sacredness of words. It's more than saying what you mean and meaning what you say. It is standing up in your own truth and not pretending to something that is not. It is thinking about what I say, so that my words speak from my integrity.

I say this because I am on my own journey toward reverencing my words more. I am working very hard to say not what I think the person wants to hear, but what is true in my heart and soul. I am working on upholding my word, so if I say I will try to do something, I really do try, and not let excuses get in my way. I am trying not to promise things I can't deliver.

And so, I have no respect for a contractor who tells me he will get back to me with quotes and breakdown of work, when he never intended to get back to me, period. I have no respect, because he showed me no respect. His words were cheap. I am glad he did not do the work, because he certainly is not a man anyone can trust.

It is necessary to be true to your word. For it says a lot about how much I believe and reverence myself.

Waiting on the Lord...

It was so simple. I was in the store buying groceries, and saw the bananas. I would really like some bananas, I thought. As I walked over to the stand, I suddenly thought, well, I don't REALLY need them, as I have other fruit at home. I stood there for about 30 seconds debating. Then I finally walked away without them.

Later that day my sister said to me, These are for you! as she offered me some treats. Among them sat a banana. I could not help but smile and say, Thank you Lord. 

But then that got me to wondering.  This is not the first time this has happened, when an unspoken desire of my heart gets wonderfully fulfilled. But it is always something small, like the banana. I spoke to the Lord about this and asked, Why is it you fulfill these little desires of my heart so often, but not the big ones????

The Lord hasn't answered my question yet, but a Bible verse comes to mind as I ponder this. It comes from Mt 6:30: If God so cares for the flowers of the field, how much more will God take care of you, O you of little faith!

Maybe these small attentions, the little desires that are so mysteriously fulfilled without even a prayer are a reminder that God does indeed watch out for me. Perhaps it is God's way of saying, hang in there my friend, I am aware of your situation and your needs. Even if I seem not to be listening, I am.

This brings me to another scripture verse from psalm 37:4 that says, If you trust in the Lord and do good, the Lord will grant you your heart's desire. 

I guess the secret is, Wait on the Lord. Be patient. And wait on the Lord! (psalm 27:14)

Being least and still being great

Today is the Feast of John the Baptist, that fiery prophet who lost his head, literally, because he spoke the truth. The story of John from the gospels makes John seem wild, bold, and daring. John is doing what no one else dared do. He was breaking from tradition and baptizing people as a sign of repentance.

Jesus, when asked about John, said I tell you, among those born of women, no one is greater than John. But then Jesus added, yet the least in the kingdom of God is greater than he (Lk 7:28). It is an interesting remark, and I still have not come to understand it. But I can tell you what thoughts occur to me.

I think that truth does set us free. I think it the bond in relationships, the foundation of our faith with God, the reason we should trust any of our leaders.

There is also the truth about myself. I have secrets I need to let out, closets I need to open, and an honest face I need to present. All of those are almost a given.

But I also believe there are certain secrets we cannot share. And so, we cannot always speak that truth we hold within. When I realize this, I will not demand that others always speak the truth to me. I will accept that we each have our own inner secrets we dare not reveal. After all, we are fragile in our inner core, and we must protect that vulnerability.

Perhaps this is Jesus meaning. That John was great for speaking his mind, even when it cost him his head. But I do not have to be like that. I can be less than that, and still be greater than John. Simple because I can accept where I am, and know I do not have to follow in those footsteps.

That's my thought for today. What is yours?

Weeding out

It came from an article in Writer's Digest by Elizabeth Sims. It said  Let's face it: We writers tend to be rule-followers. We were the kids who turned in our papers on time, played the clarinet in the marching band....As adults we drive defensively, wear sunscreen and consult experts before making big decisions. We don't crash weddings or argue over the contents of our carry-ons in the airport security line. We weed out risk.

The line caught me because, I find it to be true. And I think this applies to our spiritual lives as well. We want God to remove all the uneasiness and risks in our lives.  We want spirituality to be safe.

Instead, God sends us inspirations that invite us to risk. God, it seems, dares us to believe, to act, to step out.

In class yesterday, we spoke of the importance of spirituality in our work as counselors. Our instructor asked us what our fears were. As we gave numerous examples, she summed it up with, "In other words, you are afraid to risk."  So true. So on the mark.

I am taking stock of my risk taking today, because I do not want to weed it out. I want to weed out fear, and hesitancy, and timidity. I want to step out in faith and know, my faith is about a God big enough to care for me. My God invites me to risk.

Taste and see the goodness of the Lord!

Psalm 34 says Taste and see how good the Lord is; blessed the one who takes refuge in him.

Both tasting and seeing are used figuratively, of course, but imply that our experience of God can cross that imaginary threshold between the tangible and the intangible. It is our challenge to make God so real, we are able to have that tangible relationship with him. It comes from meditation, from Lectio Divina, and from a constant turning to God in prayer and reflection.

This physical relish of God is the expected result of constant seeking. It is the realm of the mystic. It is possible for any christian.

Taste and see. Taste and see, the goodness of the Lord. I've always loved that hymn. Perhaps its because I believe it possible.

God does not call the gifted

We all have light within, we just need to pull it out and set it on a hill

It was a line that Anne Lamott quoted from her pastor's sermon on King David of the Old Testament. "God does not call the gifted, but gifts the called." I liked it immediately. I've been thinking about gifts lately, and the need to let them flow.

I think we tend to get it wrong about gifts. We look at geniuses, at stars, at people who have become rich because of some gift, and we think that is what gifts should do. But I do not believe that is the purpose of gifts.

Genesis says that when God finished creating, God looked at everything and said, "It is good." I think my reminder of that good is the gift God has given to me. I am not speaking here of some esoteric gift, some mind boggling earth shattering talent. I am speaking of the task or talent or ability that gives you joy. An ability that you should nurture. A task that, when performed, leaves you refreshed, not exhausted.

I am calling attention to this because I reflected on my own gift recently, as I walked by a piano in my church. I sighed and wished I had one in my little place. Not because I am a pianist. But because making music brings such joy to my heart and soul. When I play the piano, it's like I stepped for a time away from life as we know it here, and into another world. A world that does not count time or space. It is as though, somehow, God is released in that playing, and refreshes me in a singlular way. It is my little treasure I carry, and I am less when the opportunity is not there.

Do not let the world of glitter make you think light of your gift. Talent is not for standing up on a stage and proclaiming, only to be judged. It is that piece of heaven you carry inside of you, and which brings you joy. It is a reminder that yes, God gifts the called. And we are all called.