I will Carry You

 

"Even to your old age I am the same, even when your hair is gray I will hear you; It is I who have done this, I who will continue, and I who will carry you to safety." Isaiah 46:4

It is nice to remember that we will never be forgotten by God. We forget this so often it is God who has to remind us. We are like petulant children, wanting attention, wanting our own way. And God says, I hear you. Be patient. 

I once thought that with all the ways God blessed my life, I would never forget his generosity. And then another difficulty would happen, and I had to learn it all over again. And again. I came in time to accept that past trust does not breed present trust. We have to draw upon it each time. Like a car that needs to be filled with gas on occasion.

I find it comforting to remember that God is keeping us in mind. 

When God steps in...

There are times in our lives when we look around and wonder, where is God? Does God care about what's happening in my life right now? What about this 'Good Shepherd' or 'Loving Being' who is suppose to watch over me?

I have had many of those times. But I have also had times when God's hand was so obvious, so tangible, that I thought I would never again doubt. I'd like to share one of these moments.

Last winter a family member asked me if I would travel cross country to help her build her deck. "I'll pay your plane fare," she said, enticing me. "Okay," I responded. I went online and ordered my ticket. $410.

I flew across during Spring Break. We worked every evening and by the last day, we had gotten the deck leveled, framed and everything done but the last boards of decking. But my time was up and I had to go. As we sat at the kitchen table the night before I was to leave, my sister brought out her check book. "It was $410, right?" she asked, poised to write the check. I looked at her in silence. The last few days, a nagging thought had come again and again. I should not take my sister's money. She had two boys, and worked as a waitress. As a single mother, she sacrificed a lot for her kids.

"I don't think you should write the check," I finally said, obeying my inner promptings.

"What? But you can't afford this! You have no money!"

Well, she was right about that. The temptation to accept was powerful.

"No," I said in reply. "I need to do this."

"Well, then let me pay half," she continued. The offer truly was enticing. But that nagging inner voice said 'no'.  

I hesitated. Should I? Or should I not? Finally I said, "No, I should just do this for you because you are my sister. God will take care of me, you watch. God always does."  My sister looked at me, first with eyes of hesitation, then with clear gratitude. 

She took me down to the airport and dropped me off at the curb. My young nephews were in tears that I was leaving. It had been a good time. I walked into the terminal and found my gate. As I was about to claim a seat, an announcement came over the intercom. "If anyone has a flexible schedule and can give up their seat, you will be rewarded." I jumped up and went to the counter.

"I can give up my seat," I said.

"Okay," replied the airline official. "We will give you a $400 voucher that you can use on any other flight, expires in one year. And we will book your flight back on another airline, first class. Please wait while we make the changes."

I stood there dumbfounded. I had barely left my sister's house when God gave me not just the $400 back, but a First Class ticket as well.

I called my sister right away to share the good news.

I used the $400 voucher to fly out to attend my brother's wedding.

And now, when I am tempted to stress out about my situation, I try to recall God's goodness, and this example pops into mind.

Yes, God is good. 

I will give you renown and praise

There's nothing like beginning your morning with a reading such as Zephaniah 3:19-20:

       Yes, at that time I will deal with all who oppress you; I will save the lame, and assemble the outcasts; I will give them praise and renown in all the earth, when I bring about their restoration. At that time I will bring you home, and at that time I will gather you; For I will give you renown and praise among all the peoples of the earth, When I bring about your restoration before your very eyes, says the Lord.

I do not know about you, but I tend to forget this passage. I tend to forget to ask God to restore me, to give me renown and praise. In other words, I tend to keep my request to God on the spiritual plane, and forget that God is interested in my temporal, physical, and very earthy life. In dealing with grace and virtue and spiritual mindedness, in trying to see God, I sometimes forget how God sees me. God knows that I am "fearfully, wonderfully made" and that success is not beyond a prayer.

In truth, I forget to ask God for BIG things. I content myself with little scraps of grace, of good fortune (which I see as blessings from God). I have been trained for so long on the "I don't deserve better" concept that it is still hard to believe that, no, God has made me "wonderfully" and that Jesus himself teaches us to ask.

Is this not one of the messages of the resurrection? Jesus did not just say we would live forever. Jesus came back after his death. He made the disciples breakfast. He sat with them and talked to them. He showed that all these things do not escape his attention.

I tend to think too small. I think I tend to stay with the small so I won't be disappointed. I forget, God is big, and can do great things. I need to ask. I need to remember Zephaniah.

The greatest change

I saw this on a website.

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

                       - Rumi

It reminds me of a monastic training that taught me, the only person I can change is myself. And the greatest change I can bring to the world is my own change.

So why do I hope to change others?

I think it comes back to control.  And control usually comes when I do not have trust.

For trust can fly free, not without stress, but with less stress.

Trust lets me focus on the mystery. Control makes me think I can change it.

That's my thoughts for today. What are your thoughts?

The problem of fear

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out all fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. (1 Jn 4:18) John Tauler writes Be sure that if you do lack this sign, namely, confidence in love’s final rescue of your distressed soul – then all other signs together are deceitful. How do we deal with these words? After all, most, if not all of us, know fear.

I ponder the power of fear – and the emotions that stem from it – insecurities, inability to accept oneself – lack of courage – trust – foresight. And then I delve into Olivier Clément’s book “On Being Human” and read: Then we discover the basic truth about ourselves, that we are loved, and it is because we are loved that we exist. Love has always been offered as the cure of our fear. Love is what allows us to trust and have courage.

And yet, this is not a totally satisfactory answer. It seems, as I read the Gospels, that just coming to Jesus, just stepping into a spiritual life, results in fearful events: Think of the disciples. Before Jesus they lived a normal life. Once they began to follow Jesus, their lives changed and they were confronted with insecurities and confusions they had never known. It culminated those last days of Jesus’ life, when fear overtook them, and they fled in the garden, not to be seen at the trial or the crucifixion. They certainly had love. But they also had fear.

Perhaps we misunderstand what fear is about. Perhaps we have some romantic concept of what it means to be a follower of Jesus, someone for whom the seas part and the blessings flow. But scripture gives no indication of this kind of earthly paradise.

I think that fear is simply a part of our journey, and that it begins when we begin to discover our true selves, the fact that we are indeed very human. I do not think that it will ever be fully cast out. I believe that love makes us realize fear has no real power over us unless we let it. Fear can remind us that we are still wanderers on our way, but love will keep us going forward. When fear comes with new revelations about myself, love will help me know it is okay to be imperfect, to be vulnerable, and to be human. In a sense, fear is part of my natural condition, and it is never going to be fully conquered. I channel and control it by  my faith, making it powerless to destroy my life.

Perfect love cast out all fear only in the Kingdom. Here on earth, it will be my companion. It is up to me to make it subservient to my faith and hope. It is up to me to keep it from having any power over me.