Disappointed in God

It was just one line in a sermon, but it hit hard. "One way to never be disappointed in life is to expect little."

I wonder how many of us have been disappointed in God. I wonder how many of us then hope for less, because it is safer.

I'll say it: God doesn't treat me the way I think God should. God doesn't treat me the way I would treat me if I were God.

I, too, struggle not to let my disappointments keep my hopes and expectations low. I read in scripture: For who among us knows what pertains to a person except the spirit of the person that is within? Similarly, no one knows what pertains to God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit that is from God, so that we may understand the things freely given to us by God (1 Cor. 2:11-12).

I have come to believe that part of dreaming big is accepting the raw fact that I do not understand the spirit of God. And when I hope for great things, I constantly remind myself I need to accept my limitations in understanding.

For it has happened that when God disappointed, I shut down and expected less. I have slowly worked on examining my understanding. I find I often have the spirit of the world that wants signs and wonders; I need to move into the spirit that is in God, which sees things the world cannot see.

For only when I enter into that Spirit, will I begin to understand the things freely given to me by God. I will see my disappointments and not let them make me expect any less.

The trouble with images

Disillusionment. It is a favorite topic of mine. Partly because I see it in the Gospels. Take the Gospel of Mark 10: 35-45, where James and John request to sit on Jesus left and right hand in the kingdom, and Jesus tells them they know not what they are asking. They find what makes them worthy is not what they think. This topic is often in scripture.

I have also learned about disillusionment from my own journey, from how I have discovered things in life, things I had no clue were happening deep inside of me, until something or someone touched me deep down where I knew not, and I found there a seat of emotion and pain.

Disillusionment rocks our boat and threatens our safety. It has to. For disillusionment tells us our image of life and of God are not quite accurate. I think how we handle disillusionment determines whether it becomes a period of growth or a period of darkness that defeats.

I have an image of God within my own mind, and that God is supposed to be loving and kind. Yet, sometimes the pain I suffer in life makes me question that. 

I found great comfort in the words of Revelation 21:3-4: I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, God's dwelling is with humankind. He will dwell with them and they will be God's people and God will always be with them as their God. God will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, for the old order has passed away."

These words tell me that God knows my tears. Not only does God know them, but the words imply that God will wipe every tear from my eyes. I find comfort from this verse, as it reminds me that my suffering shall not be forgotten. Somehow, in God's plan of things, it shall count for something. God did not save me from suffering. But God will turn that suffering into something better.

I continue to experience disillusionment along my journey. I hold on to the hope that each time I experience disillusionment, it will not be a defeat, but rather a peeling away of the layers of my ignorance.

For disillusionment can be God's way of teaching me. I can learn only if I let go of Whom I want my God to be and accept Who God really is. I can take disillusionment not as my stumbling block, but as another door opening to a deeper understanding. I can. It just takes time and patience.

Dealing with Disillusionment

Disillusionment. It can be a soul shattering experience or a faith building moment. Disillusionment challenges all the assumptions I have held dear and leaves me empty, or it forces me to open other doors seeking greater insight and understanding. That is because, no matter how you look at it, disillusionment breaks the mold of my common belief. I must forgo a faith that has not held up or seek a deeper understanding of it.

I find such times as these are often the most fruitful times of my life, though often only in retrospect. When I am in the midst of crisis, I need to remember that such life-altering experiences do not have to defeat me. I can take these times and use them for cleansing my "easy" type of faith, the faith where prayers are answered and God seems kind and gentle. Disillusionment challenges that concept. God seems cruel or indifferent, deaf and uncaring. God does not answer my prayers. In these instances, I need a new way to understand.
That is because faith is not an insurance against tragedy. Faith is, rather, the foundation for recovery.

A prayer that helped me through such times came from psalm 25:5:  Make me walk in your truth and teach me: for you are God my savior.  It replaced the one I so glibly recited years before from psalm 27:1: The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom should I fear?

Disillusionment challenges my shallow belief. If I move forward, it can take me from where I think I am steadfast and unmovable, to where I realize how fragile I really am. I believe this is the true gem of such times, a time to get to know my real self.

Instead of blaming God for my vulnerabilities, I need to accept them. And with deep faith I will come to realize, I do have the power to make the most of them.

Disappointed in God

It was just one line in a sermon, but it hit hard. "One way to never be disappointed in life is to expect little."

How many of us have been disappointed in God? How many of us have hoped for big things, only to have God fail to deliver? Sound familiar?

I wonder how many of us learn to keep our expectations of God and grace and hope low so we won't be disappointed again. I wonder how many of us have grown to expect little of God, because we have not seen God step into our lives in big ways.

I'll say it: God doesn't treat me the way I think God should. God doesn't treat me the way I would treat me if I were God.

But, I have learned not to let my disappointments keep my hopes and expectations low. I read in scripture: For who among us knows what pertains to a person except the spirit of the person that is within? Similarly, no one knows what pertains to God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit that is from God, so that we may understand the things freely given to us by God (1 Cor. 2:11-12)

I think to dream big is to accept that I do not understand the spirit of God. I think to hope for great things means to accept my limitations in understanding.

For when God disappoints, I can shut down and expect less. Or I can look at my understanding and realize its needs: its need to move beyond the spirit that is from the world that wants signs and wonders; its need to move into the spirit that is in God, which sees things the world cannot see.

For only when I enter into that Spirit, will I begin to understand the things freely given to me by God. I will see things in a different light. I will see what I thought were disappointments, and understand. I will know in a different way.