Desert of Your Own Being

Desert of our being. That is what George Maloney calls that place deep inside ourselves, where we meet God. To quote: But he [God] can only be met in the desert of your own being, in the depths where you encounter the dread of loss. So few of us have the courage or the discipline to cut ourselves off from all the attachments by which we define ourselves, to go out into the desert and be at the mercy of the unknown. (Journey Into Mystical Prayer, 8)

According to Maloney, then, the journey "down" begins with surrender. It's a concept not often talked about these days, with the need for consciousness, awareness of God, purity of intention, etc. Maloney is in fact telling us there are many things in our lives that simply don't make sense. They can become road blocks toward our progress toward the descent, or we can surrender to the fact that we cannot understand them, and so continue forward. I like his term mercy of the unknown. It begs for trust. It begs to believe in a being bigger and more capable than yourself. And it begs for surrender.

Role of Angels

Today is the Feast of Michael, Gabriel and Raphael. Archangels as we call them. All three are mentioned in scripture, and all three are popular.

Angels remind us of the "other" life that is out there, the spiritual life with battles to be won and journeys to be made. In times past, much was made of angels. We hear less about them now, though they have been popularized in literature and pop culture. What can angels really do for us?

I think the greatest role of angels is to remind us of the spiritual life we have, but oft forget. They are also someone to talk to, privately, someone who won't spill the beans or break your confidence. They are someone we can ask to protect us, to guide us, to lend a helping hand. Angels, though unseen, or no less real, if we take the time to development a friendship with them. And as this friendship grows, it is amazing the wonderful things that can happen to you in life, things only an angel would do.

And its always good to remember the verse from the psalm 91 (good to read the whole psalm!): For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, That you do not strike your foot against a stone.

Can we ask for anything better?

Modern Desert Abbas and Ammas

So, last evening I stood at my window and looked out at the evening sky and wondered about some of the teachings of the Abbas and Ammas of the desert. They certainly mirrored the spirituality of their times, especially an extraordinary hatred of the flesh. Yet, we now know such hatred is counter both to good spirituality and to stable mental health. And I wondered, should we not be producing new Abbas and Ammas of the desert with a spirituality resonate with present theological thought? Should not we become the new Abbas and Ammas of the desert?

For what is a desert but a land devoid of refreshment. And there are many kinds of deserts in our lives. Each of us, I am sure, have spent time in a desert of soul, or desert of work, or desert of spirit. During those times, our thoughts become rich because they proceed from the very depths of our souls. These thoughts should be written down and shared.

Who do you know who is a real desert Abba or Amma?

Beauty in the Soul

Nature's beauty is awesome, especially around this time of year, when the trees turn color, and the forest becomes various hues of gold, red and orange. The color is so stunning we often forget it is a sign of dying.

One of my favorite photos is of a stormy sea crashing on the rocks. I remember staring at this picture and admiring the awesome spray of the water against the rocks when suddenly I realized the very thing I was admiring would be a terrible thing to experience: the stormy sea. Sea faring vessels avoid this as much as possible. Beach goers, at least sane ones, would not dare venture into such a surf. And yet, there is beauty in the sight.

Often we do not see the beauty of our own soul when we are being transformed by such cycles. We feel the pain, or struggle with the fear, or doggedly move forward when we want to lay low. But such incidents do bring out our inner beauty, our faith, our strong soul. Even though we cannot see the beauty of it, it would be good to remind ourselves that there is beauty in the struggle and the pain. And that it is there for all to see.

Looking in the Mirror

Yesterday I attended a one day retreat. The topic was the Holy Cross and how to make the best use out of the suffering we endure in our lives. The talk was very good. But in the conversation after the talk, there were some of the group who turned the conversation to weak priests, the devil and his spread over the earth, and holy water (or lack of it) in the church during lent. I found myself trying to pull the conversation back to the topic, of how we witness as Christians by our actions, our attitudes, and especially the way to deal with suffering. But my attempt seemed a lost cause.

This got me thinking. How easy it is to bypass our role as Christians by looking at others, their roles, and their failures. And this brings me to believe that we often concentrate on others failures, or perceived failures because it takes the attention off of our own relationship with God and where we are in that relationship.

May this be a sign of our inability to accept our own failures and weaknesses? Why would we want to take a beautiful talk about suffering and turn it into a rant against others? What happened to accepting the cross when it comes into our lives?

Let's face it. All failures humiliate. But failure is nothing more than our struggle here on earth. We are, after all, made up of spirit and flesh. To fail is human. But we have our spirit to lift us up. And, even more importantly, we must guard against making our failures bigger than they are. We didn't keep a particular resolution. So what? Try again. Don't give that failure an importance it doesn't deserve. That will only paralyze you. Because if you do, well, looking for others who failures are bigger than yours will just come naturally. When we do that, we have turned from looking into the mirror of God to worrying about others. And that is the biggest failure of all.

Entering the Desert Place

In his book Discovering the Hidden Reality: A Journey Into Christian Mystical Prayer, George Maloney writes: Our culture feeds us with the idea that we can do anything that we set our minds to do. In the time of St. Augustine, this concept was called "Pelagianism."

Maloney goes on to explain how such a concept keeps us always busy about "doing" things, so that silence, especially the silence needed for mystical prayer, is foreign to us. It goes so far he says, as to making even prayer an object where we are either getting something or doing something for God. And that is so not mystical prayer!

Mystical prayer is a gazing at God so as to learn his goodness. It doesn't so much ask God for gifts or plan great deeds for God. It consists more of an attention to God, an awareness of his abiding presence, of a mind set to think more in the light of his goodness than on accomplishments.

Maloney writes further: There is a subtle type of pharisaism that uses God as a static object who will flood us with consolations and a feeling of a good conscience. What we fail to see is that we have gradually lost the willingness to take the wild risks of Moses and the Israelites as they followed God for forty years in the dry and threatening desert.

Here I am reminded of the scripture verse that says, For God sends rain, and causes his sun to shine upon the just and the unjust. Such is the an attitude of one in union with God, were one doesn't use what is happening to us in the here and now to judge how much we love God or he us. It is an important part of our journey, to realize that life goes forward in a very organic way, with both rain and sunshine, and that it is our awareness of God, not his gifts, that is paramount. 

The very difficulty of such type of prayer explains why mystical prayer had fallen out of favor. But recent  interest must be accompanied by a realistic approach to this form of union with God. Otherwise, we shall give up at the desert's edge, without even entering upon the long journey.

Favorite Scripture Verse

We all develop a favorite Scripture verse. Mine used to be Ps. 27 "The Lord is my Light and my Salvation, whom should I fear?"  I was young then, and life was as yet untried.

Later, another verse spoke to me, this time from Ps. 18 "I love you Lord, you are my strength."  By then life had indeed become heavy, and I looked to the Lord for help.

My favorite scripture verse of late has been from 1 Samuel 3, "Speak, Lord, your servant is listening." It is time for another change, and as always, I feel the need for the Lord to guide.

Favorite verses come from where we are in life. Which is good, because scripture should speak to the inner most depths of our soul. When we find a verse that mirrors our own sentiments, we should hold on to that verse. It can become a souce of comfort, strength, and just hope.

Seizing the Moment

The story of Tobit was told at Readings today. I listened, and as I heard Now when the boy [Tobit] went down to wash his feet in the river, a large fish suddenly leaped out of the water and tried to swallow his foot. He shouted in alarm. But the angel said to him, "Take hold of the fish and don't let it get away!" The boys seized the fish and hauled it up on the shore...it occurred to me what it means to seize the moment. 

The boy Tobit was terrified of the "big fish" that came to "swallow his foot." He would have solved the problem by running away. But instead he followed the angels' advice to grab that very fish in the act of attacking him, haul it up on the shore, and cut it up. (Here I kinda think that'll show you to attack me!)  The fish that had threatened to disable him then became the healing potion for his soon to be wife's demon and for his father's blindness.

We all have times when some sort of "large fish" attempts to cut off our feet. To be level headed enough to grab our challenger and haul it [be it truth or action or gossip] out, to face what threatens to destroy us and talk it out, to admit to a weakness and take steps to move away from it, these are the lessons we can garner from the section of Tobias.

No Fearing Fear

Loneliness isn't the only difficulty we encounter in our journey toward the mystical life. An even bigger obstacle, and usually more subtle, is fear.

There are so many facets to fear that a whole book could be written on that topic alone. I will only briefly address the concept and how it paralyzes us. If you think back in your life, you will remember the times you stood still or even cowered before a challenge. If you examine that time, I am willing to bet the biggest obstacle to overcoming that challenge was fear.

Fear isn't the opposite of trust, simply because to have real trust, you must first have fear. It is from our fears that trust is born.

I believe that fear "owns" us more than it should because we are loathed to admit to it. Fear is shameful, even on a totally natural level. And yet, the only thing to be ashamed of is our unwillingness to name our demon. Before we can loosen the hold fear has on us, we need to first face it. There's an old saying, "Face fear and fear will go away." I haven't found those words to be particularly true, but the concept brings to light the necessity of owning our vulnerability.

Fear in the form of shame is mentioned in the book of Genesis as driving Adam and Eve to hide after they had sinned, in an attempt to avoid the God they used to walk and talk to in the cool of the evening. What is fear making us hide from?

Traveling Alone

Living by the spirit, heeding the inspirations that come, and even more importantly, following the way you discern, does not always result in joy, fellowship and community. It can lead one into a place of loneliness. And during such times, life can seem unusually hard, because we all treasure a friend who can understand and encourage.

I've rarely read anything to guide one through a time like this. Much has been written about "The Dark Night of the Soul".  But rarely have I read about the topic of loneliness, as though it is to be avoided at all costs, or perhaps as if it doesn't happen to good hearted souls.

But happen, it does. I suspect the topic is difficult to tackle. No one wants to learn that when you are most "down" you may even be most "alone".  No one likes to hear...time to bear up, yourself...give up hope for a friend, or even someone who understands. You must go forth on this journey in your doubts and confusion, and stop expecting understanding or even an ear. During such times, life may become darker than night. Because there is a lot we can bear, if we have someone to encourage. To go it alone, well, lets just say that is hard.

During such times it is important to keep the journey uppermost in mind. For it is often during our most "alone" hours that we learn of our weaknesses and our strengths. Continuing forward, believing solely because our faith tells us so, that requires us to reach down into our very depths for a faith, hope and trust we didn't know we had.

We talk about God as Trinity. But we forget, the journey to God involves quite a bit of loneliness as well. It isn't so much when we suffer it, but how we work through these times that changes us as a person.

Preparing for the Mystic Life, Continued

Pondering over yesterday's post (yes I do ponder my own writings!) it occurred to me that another aspect of the mystical life is continued seeking. Perhaps that is the true definition of purity of heart, a heart that never gives up, that doesn't allow trials or difficulties to dissuade it from its course. Or perhaps true purity of heart comes from always maintaining faith in God regardless of one's circumstances, believing that all we endure will all be brought to some good.

I say this because the journey toward a mystical life takes time. It is a journey one starts out on with great hope and many dreams. And hopes and dreams are always tested by the reality of life. Perhaps true purity of heart comes when we never relinquish these hopes and dreams, when we keep on trusting no matter how black the night becomes, or how difficult the road. Such attitudes deepen the heart, and the mystical life is just that, going deeper into the heart of the soul, principally to find God.

All of our desires and efforts come with a certain hope of self-fulfillment. God would not have promised heaven to us if we could do good just for the sake of doing good. But even our desires for peace or satisfaction with our spiritual life or fulfillment must be tested. In time, if one continues on without giving in to the despondency that comes with doubts and difficulties, you will come to a place where peace, self-fulfillment and even the warm glow that comes from loving God will not be your goal. You will treasure one goodness, the goodness of God, and that will be your principal aim: loving him for himself.

All these thoughts are high and theoretical sounding. And that in spite of the journey being very earthy, very on the ground, and slow. The marvelous reward is the realization that the two are not incompatible, but that such high ideals come through the concrete realization that God has become the most important person in your life. That all your decisions, actions, plans involve a prayer for guidance. That when you seek God, you do find him.

Such are my thoughts today. I hope you find something in them that is helpful.

Preparing for the Mystic Life

For anyone seriously seeking a mystical life, the ultimate preparation is purity of heart, according to all the desert Ammas and Abbas. Writing on this, George Maloney says:

Did not Jesus promise that the pure of heart would be blessed and would see God (Mt 5:8)? Christians, whether in ancient times or in the 21st century, on Mount Athos or in the Bronx, have purified their hearts and have entered into a contemplation of realities unknown and unseen by others who may not pray as deeply. God wishes to communicate himself to all human beings more directly and immediately so that they experience the Trinity's indwelling, not through concepts, but by a direct "seeing" of God's presence through deeper faith. (Discovering the Hidden Reality: A Journey Into Christian Mystical Prayer, 4)

The purity of heart necessary for this journey comes, not so much through avoidance of sins as through a dedication to the truth. To become pure of heart means we must return to that nakedness found in the Garden of Eden story of Genesis. We must walk and talk to God without pretense or falsity. We must be earnest in our seeking, so earnest that when obstacles arise before us, we ardently seek their resolution, not their destruction or avoidance.

Such purity of heart comes through faithfulness in the journey. It comes from the vision becoming ever more clear, so that we become more sensitive to things of God, or more accurately, to the God dwelling within. In a sense, our journey requires that we peal away the layers that blind our eyes of faith, until we are continually aware of the presence of God. This isn't as extraordinary as it may sound, because it happens gradually to the heart of one sincerely seeking. And as a seeker, the more you seek, the more "normal" it becomes to be aware, until you yourself are dwelling with that presence continually.

To Be Set Free

In  Jn 8:31-32, we read Jesus words If you remain in my word, you will be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

The truth of these words come with living them out. For the truth to set us free, we must seek it with an altruistic heart and with courage. For sometimes the truth about us, or a situation, reveals hardships or weaknesses we would rather not have learned. Sometimes learning a truth is like opening a Pandora's box, leading us onto a journey that is more painful than the one we enjoyed in ignorance.

And still, the truth does set us free. We must be willing to bear its burden. Unlike a Hollywood version, seeking the truth does not always result in some glorious Epiphany. Sometimes the truth is accepting the hard facts about ourselves or our lives. But the end result is always the same: it will set you free.

What is Involved in Saying Yes

Recently a discussion came up about the "yes" of  a commitment. The person who mentioned this said that often, when a commitment is first made, the "yes" is strong. But it becomes weaker with time, and after some years, the yes may become feeble and fade away.

I replied that perhaps that comes when the "yes" is directed to some finite thing, some person or institute. When the "yes" is said to a person, say in marriage, or even to the church in vows, as time goes on, that person or institute change. And of course, the "yes" may fade away, because the "yes" was intended for one thing, and something else has taken its place. That's why a spouse in an abusive relationship finds it hard to leave that relationship. She or he had made a promise, and to leave would break that promise.

But all promises should be directed to God, so that the "yes" is promise to live according to his inspirations and directions. Such a "yes" allows one to move on when necessary, because the person has not promised to live forever bound to another person or institute, but to follow the Gospel and the inspirations of the Spirit. The moving on isn't a lessening of the "yes" - it is actually the "yes" becoming stronger and more firm.

If such were the subject of our promises, we would feel the freedom Augustine speaks of, freedom in the liberty of Divine Grace. And our journey would flow more from divine inspiration than from social constructs. And when something falls out in our life, instead of looking at it as some kind of moral failure, we would instead spend our energies trying to discern what God is saying to us in this instance.

Such an attitude makes all the difference in a life lived for God.

Stabat Mater

There are some times when it is better to "feel" than to think. On a day commemorating the sorrows of Mary, this seemed an appropiate occasion. I hope you find the music inspiring and moving.

Transformed Through the Cross

The Cross. As essential as this symbol  is to Christianity, the views, opinions and spirituality of the cross are varied and sometimes contradictory. So I feel right at home giving my own views on the cross and its relation to suffering, trials, hardships, etc.

In early Christian spirituality, the cross became a symbol encouraging early martyrs to endure suffering. If Jesus did so much, what should we not do? Perhaps because of that, the cross, especially the phrase from scripture, "Unless you take up your cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple" became the goal of many Christians.

True to my contrariness, I think such statements cannot be interpreted so simply. I agree with Frederick Faber, who once wrote that our concepts of the cross and suffering are all upside down. We think, well, Jesus carried his cross, so I must do the same. As though Jesus brought this hard way of life to us, and to follow him, we must choose it too. But Jesus didn't bring suffering to our lives...it was already there, through the free will of others. And no matter how good you are, you will be affected by bad choices others make.

So, my interpretation is this: Jesus is telling us, suffering isn't the end, something to make us bitter, or sad, or rejected. It isn't even something he wants us to have to go through. But because it will come in our lives, he is showing us it can be turned into something good. How that happens depends on us.

Someone I know recently learned he had cancer. The treatments he underwent were brutal, exhausting, and made him even want to just die to end it all. But being a true Christian, he knew something good could come from it. He says he learned to surrender to what was beyond his control, the suffering from his treatments. And as he continually surrendered, he began to realize the power that was his: take this pain and reap good from it. He said when he did this, he realized that very little has happened in his life for which he was not later grateful when seeing it in a different light.


So it is how we gaze upon what happens to us that makes the difference. Burden remains burden only while we continue to struggle under its weight. With time, thought, reflection, prayer, questioning, struggling, which are all part of the process, we can keep moving, beyond pain into realization. Then, we can glory in the cross, as St. Paul says. And when we can do that, then are we transformed.

The Journey Within

In the Confessions of Augustine we read: Too late have I loved you, oh beauty ever ancient, ever new! Too late I have loved you! You were within me, but I was outside, and it was there that I searched for you.

Most of our search for happiness happens outside, in the realm of the tangible, the tactile, the possessable.  And still, to be most productive, even in a material way, we must come to terms with our inner self. It is an accepted fact even in the corporate world, that to be at your best, you must first attain peace within.

Our turning inward also has its dangers: narcissism and self-absorption always lurk along our desire for peace. For peace cannot be sought out for itself alone. And yet, there it too much truth in Augustine's powerful words to consider the search inward totally vain and futile. There is an inward path that leads  to God, the God within our soul, the God whose image we are made. It is our life's work to avoid the dangers accompanying that search, through discerning that path, of repeatedly seeking it, of openness to the wrong so that we can turn yet again to that which gives us light and life.

Finding God requires an inward, serious, deliberate search within the soul. To concentrate on externals, to seek our fulfillment in the tangible is to miss another whole side of life, that of the spiritual. And wouldn't it be sad if we too had to say, "Too late have I loved you...."

A Familiar Gospel in a Different Light

The Prodigal Son. Sometimes when I hear familiar passages from the Gospels, I think we've got it all wrong. We think, yea, that's pretty straightforward. Squander your livelihood, and you'll end up crawling back begging for forgiveness.

Yet, today listening to the Gospel being read, it suddenly occurred to me just how similar we all are to the prodigal. Not in the way we usually think: sinner who squanders=need for crawling. But in God giving us an inheritance and setting us free to follow the desires of our hearts. Who of us gets it right the first time? If the prodigal had not gone away and seen life from a different perspective, he would never have come to really know his father. Knowing that father took simply an acknowledgement that he'd made a mistake. According to the story, the Father didn't love him less for that.

I sometimes think our tidied up religion keeps us from seeing the reality of life. We cannot live within a structure that keeps us from all harm. That isn't living; that is slavery. To venture forth means to deal with life as it really is, without pretense or false virtue. We will be robbed, we will be a victim at some point, and also we will betray our own best selves. But that is not the end of story (like time now to crawl back and beg). That is just part of the journey.

I know only too many who, for fear of making a mistake, continue in a false life, where expectations can be met, and no surprise will throw them off guard. Yet, they are the most unhappy people I know.

The prodigal took a chance. And in the end, he grew. What are we willing to chance for spiritual growth?

Following One's Own Path

Life's journey. So often we expect it to follow a straight line when in fact it doesn't. To be true to your own personal journey requires a certain detachment. We can only set our sights on God's glory. The daily journey itself can and will change. If we are not challenged in our journey there is a good chance we are no longer on one.

St Catherine words "All the way to heaven is heaven" can only be experienced if we live life willing to adapt, change, alter our direction, or travel lightly. Only then can we be open to where ever our journey takes us.

Following the Mystical

More and more interest in springing up about mystical practices and becoming mystical oneself. George Maloney has has a new book out, called Discovering the Hidden Reality: A Journey Into Christian Mystical Prayer that deals with this very issue. Let me quote:

In the Christian East of the Greek, Slavic and Syrian traditions, mysticism is synonymous with being in touch with the "really Real."  Reality abides, not in the changing, in the temporal, but in the unfathomable abyss where God speaks within our hearts in silence. Mysticism is a living experience of God, not as an object outside of ourselves, but as an encompassing power of permeating love that, as St. Augustine said, is "more intimate to me than I to myself."

Toward that end, we see groups springing up that seek to bring the monastic flavor to their lives, particularly the custom of Lectio Divina. Such groups go far into bringing what was once the privileged (or so thought) of the monastic community to the lay person in the right here and now.

If you know of such a group, I encourage you to join. If you don't, I encourage you to form one. For praying in community, and sharing our lectio, makes one more aware of God within ourselves. And mysticism is all about becoming aware of that Divine Presence, which is already deep within our soul, than it is anything else.

Life to the Full

Do you ever wonder why Jesus never wrote anything to hand down to us? He spoke volumes to his disciples. But he never wrote something for them to treasure, something for them to keep in their pocket and refer back to time and time again. Why?

I think it is because of our tendency to become attached to such things. Even today, Christians profess to follow the teachings of Jesus. But get them talking about the Bible, and often differences become vast and moods are anything but Christ-like.

Part of this comes from our human tendency to take life so very seriously. We forget the spirit behind the words and often take the words literally. We do this with faith, with church, with our politics. And yet, Jesus says "I came that you may have life, and have it to the full." What is full of life in literal translations and interpretation?

The bible tells us Jesus roamed about without a place to lay his head. I love to think of our Christian life as one where we never allow ourselves the luxury of settling, but continue to dig into the Word and find continued life in it.

When you are climbing a mountain, you often come upon the same vistas. yet, the higher you climb, the more vast your view.

The same goes for the Word of God and things of God. Every day we should be looking at life, at faith, at the Divine Word in a different light. Different, because we are at a different place then we were a day ago.

This is what it means to have life, and have it to the full. To never stop seeking.

The Journey Forward

Unless you hate father and mother, brother and sister, even your own life, you cannot be my disciple. Such words of Jesus sound harsh, especially since it is Jesus who told us to LOVE OUR ENEMIES! So what is this all about?

All of us have come to a point in life where a decision is difficult because in making it, we might hurt or offend someone we love. Whether it be real or imagined, we need to put aside emotional ties to look for the truth of our future, and where the spirit is leading. Whatever decision we must make, unless we look toward heaven and base our choice on the Holy Spirit, we will never move forward in life.

In his book, The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho examines our journey in life. He notes how many people are content to dream. Some even get close to seeing the fulfillment of their dream. But somehow, we often stop short. Going all the way seems counter to our nature.

Perhaps this is what Jesus means when he tells us that to follow him means to give up our life. He isn't asking us for some kind of death, but rather for a determination that goes forward without letting sentiment, personal feelings, fear, intimidation, or any other lesser emotion get in our way. Going forward requires that we not become attached to our "place" in the here and now.  For often we cannot see the treasure close to us  until we've made the journey that changes and martures our vision. And life is, after all, a journey forward.

Divine Want Propels us Forward

If the gospels teach us anything, it is that life is a destiny, not a destination (heaven is the destination). Our journey, though, is often clouded by duties, commitments, possessions. How do we keep forging ahead with so much to tie us down?

We strip.

Often we burden our lives with clutter to cover our fear of the unknown. Possessions make good blankets or cuddle toys. They also trip us up and keep us occupied with the lesser things of life.

The desert Abbas and Ammas left all for desert sands. What could they learn in the sand they couldn't learn in the city? Want. It's okay to want, it's okay to need, it's okay not to be fulfilled. That's what keeps us yearning and moving forward. It's when we think we are satiated (and we never really are) that we settle down along a humdrum path and become bored with life. So we clutter our lives with even more possessions, hoping to find contentment. And we never do. Not really.

Destiny takes bold actions. It takes courage. And it takes a constant stepping forward. Each of us need to examine our life for those aspects that trip us up. Only you know how to strip yourself, so that you can experience the want for the divine.

Fulfilling Dreams

We all have dreams. Or at least, we should. But following a dream requires as many twists and turns as climbing a mountain. Only those sincerely believing in dreams will persevere.

Paulo Coelho writes in The Alchemist: The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either.

Why do we do that? Why do we constantly compare ourselves to others and their journeys or lack of it? I think it is because we lack the courage to believe firmly that God's plan for us is unique, and found in the deepest recesses of our heart, and ultimately, only revealed to us. Listening to his word will open us to his plan and help us learn discernment. And that plan of God for our life is unlike his plan for anyone we know or see. So we need to stop comparing.

I firmly believe our happiness is dependant upon fulfilling God's plan for our lives here on earth. To do that we must dream, we must seek, and we must move forward, even if no one else is moving in our direction.

Reed of God

Ever feel like you are a conduit for God's grace for someone else? Carol Houselander referred to this quality as the "Reed of God".

There are times in our lives when our duty is not to accomplish something, but to be a source of grace for someone else who is destined to accomplish a task. In a way, it is harder to be a source of grace than to be a doer. It is harder to believe in the power of your prayer than to take satisfaction in the practice of a good work. Yet, there are times we need to be still and let God work through us.

Houselander says that to be a Reed of God requires an openness and an emptiness that allows grace to flow unimpeded, like the wind through a hollow tube or reed. And openness and emptiness requires a lot of letting go. Which in turn requires a lot of trust.

So you can see, being a Reed of God requires great depth of soul. No wonder it is the harder task.