Build a Relation with the Flawless

Painting by Sr. Mary Grace Thul, OP

We all need a good friend, someone we can pour out our souls without fear of criticism or rebuttal. We all appreciate a love that does not judge us, but helps us deal with the situations of life as they arise. Yet, we will never find the "perfect" friend, one who will always understand, always encourage, and never fail us. Only the Divine can fill that role.

The Jerusalem Community Rule of Life states: Let your soul be filled day and night with this loving presence of the Lord, and you will live. Strong in the joy of this divinity within you and the power of his love, you will never falter.'

The message here is  not "don't trust your friends" but "no matter how good your friends, you still need the enduring love of the Divine." Face it. We all have moments when we feel let down or even betrayed by our closest allies. We must not then turn from them, but turn to the Divine who will help us through rough waters. We cannot expect a human to perform flawlessly. We need to nurture our friendships, to work to make  them grow, to understand the rough times and forgive the misunderstandings. We can only do that if we already have a close relationship with someone flawless, the Divine, who helps us through storms and disappointments.

If we build that relationship within, we will better understand the relationships without. We will not expect others to be the ONE, and we will not judge them on one or two actions that they eventually regret. And strange enough, we will become a better friend ourselves.

Remembering...

Today I visited a friend who recently learned that she has terminal cancer and is given only a very short time to live. The news totally shocked all of us,  including herself. She had no clue she was so sick.

She had began a spiritual journey a while back that led her along a very different path than the one she had been on previously. I looked at her lying in her hospital bed, helpless to overcome the pain and sickness that had overtaken her. I thought of her faithfulness to the path of her calling, her dedication to God, working toward a closer union with him, and I told her what an inspiration she's been to me. She looked at me and said, "As I look back now, I can see how God was preparing me for all of this." I listened to her and thought, yes, looking back we often see the hand of God in our lives.

Hindsight reveals things we don't often see in the moment. Sometimes our most difficult times were times of our greatest graces. Looking back, we often see clearly how God was leading us, and we did not know it.

You would think that once we realize this, once we looked back and saw just how much God took care of us, we would never doubt him again. But it doesn't work that way. Each time, we must remind ourselves anew.

That's when it's good to look back and remember. When looking forward seems fragile, look back. Remembering God's care is a great antidote for fear or doubt. Remembering just how much the Divine has been there for us, guided us, lead us along the right path can give us courage to face uncertainly. My friend certainly exemplifies that.

A Power in Life

In the gospel of John we read: If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me; whoever believes in me, let him drink. Streams of living water shall flow out from within (7:37-38).

Scripture makes it clear that living spirituality bears fruit, and not for us alone. If we are serious about our life of the spirit, if we attend to the Divine within, if we strive for the union between soul and body, we cannot help but spill out that love and life to others around us.

Such concepts dominated the early monastic life, the belief that the best thing you can do for the world was to change and transform yourself. That all goodness and conversion start in one's own heart. Such concepts gave great regard for a life of prayer, believing it the most powerful and fruitful force for the whole world.

Today, such concepts have fallen by the wayside. Activity has taken over prayer, and we do feel if we aren't doing something tangible, we are doing nothing.  As believers, it's hard to reconcile such belief with our own conviction that grace is lived out in transformation. Doing in not the whole of the spiritual life. It starts with being.

Every one of us can live in the spirit of the  monastics. Every one of us has access to meditation, reflection, Lectio Divina and contemplation. Never underestimate the good you can do by living your life of prayer and meditation. Believe in the power of prayer, the power of transformation, and you will come to realize that  living waters do flow from you into the world around you, enlightening, refreshing and encouraging.

Refusing to Sell Out

Recently reading Gerald Corey, I came across this statement:

The trouble with so many of us is that we have sought directions, answers, values, and beliefs from the important people in our world. Rather than trusting ourselves to search within and find our own answers to the conflict in our life, we sell out by becoming what others expect of us.

I know that this statement needs to be qualified. Our journey is not something we do alone. Finding answers means opening ourselves up to the broader world, seeking a good mentor, and trusting others. But I think Corey's statement carries a great truth...we find it hard to trust ourselves. And that is part of the journey.

Corey is advocating being true to yourself, to follow your dream instead of someone else's dream for you. That is true enough. Too often we let others determine what we would like or what we want in life.

Healthy balance is what I've found most helpful. Finding your true self is a life-long pursuit, and you need feedback to help you in this journey. We just don't need to hand over our whole task of discernment to another. We need to gradually build confidence in our own ability to discern, to find answers, to know what is best for ourselves. This is part of the spiritual journey. This is part of spiritual maturity.

Learning the Image of God

Why do we pray? Is it for personal reasons? Is it because we feel we are commanded to pray? Or do we want to get to know God a little better?

There are many reasons to pray, just as there are many ways. But one thing is certain, sincerity in prayer will lead one away from the ordinary and into presence. Anthony Esolen says that our prayer should call us out of ourselves.To be called out requires stepping into the unknown. It means taking prayer not simple as a connection to God, but as our imagination learning to recognize the image of God.

As in all things Divine, we are constantly revising our concepts. Bernard Bro says that all too often our prayer is addressed to an abstract, deformed image, to a God as the representative of an idea and a law, much more than to the ineffable Person who, through his love, has allied his destiny with ours...

Prayer should be about getting our image of God right. How do we know when it is right? I think it comes when we understand God in the manner of Isaiah 43:20-21 who writes: I put water in the desert and rivers in the wasteland for my chosen people to drink, the people I formed for myself, that they  might announce my praise. Isaiah's image of God is one who cares for us in the situation that we are in, not as one who takes us out of it. God doesn't take us out of the desert of our lives; he gives us our necessities. In essence, God doesn't change our situation. He is there to provide as we journey thought the desert, the wasteland.

Getting the image right means knowing the God who allows us the struggle, but steadies our feet; who leads us through the Valley of Darkness but doesn't leave us alone; who broods over our chaotic souls without taking the chaos away. Because God is bigger than all of that.

Choosing Darkness

Ever notice how society judges your success by how confident you are with yourself, by your lack of failures, problems or difficulties, by how popular and acceptable your choices are? A person is considered balanced if he or she has experienced few troubles and had no crisis; has never been knocked down and never felt disillusioned. Really?

Many spiritual writers say life has two paths: one with the visible, tangible, and tactile road, often superficial, often empty, with success, money, and fame as its goal; the other, the spiritual, often elusive, more intuitive, less trodden, less sure of ourselves, with seeking and deep reflection. Sometimes we try to combine the two, looking for a spirituality that is romantic, "good feeling", and esoteric, one that promises us security in exchange for prayers. So its not surprising when we judge spiritual progress by its lack of difficulties, as if obstacles signaled insincerity or lack of dedication.

Read again the first book of Genesis. It describes how God created not from calm, but from chaos, from darkness, from emptiness. The narrative describes how darkness is the matter which God used to bring forth something new. Believe that the Spirit of Truth isn't seeking that which is untroubled, but "troubled waters." Sometimes, a lack of difficulties stem from a fear to risk, a contentment with what is, and not from some devotedness to God.

Don't let yourself fall into the fallacy of pleasant living. Give yourself over to the Spirit of Truth. Do not shy away from risks, challenges or darkness. For when you step into this realm of spirituality, you will find a different way of living. You will experience all sorts of emotions hidden to you previously. You will stretch out your hand as Peter did and say, "Lord, save me." And you will find the Hand of God, and the darkness will become for you better than light. For you will have left the superficial behind, and entered into a deep relationship with the spirit.

Learning to Taste and See

Knowing God comes not from reading about him, but by experiencing him in prayer. Not just any kind of prayer, but the kind that sits in silence before God and lets God permeate the soul. Christians call this kind of prayerful experience contemplation. It is a time when, as Richard Rohr writes, we stop judging, controlling and analyzing life and everything in it and turn instead to seeing, tasting and loving what we have, what has happened to us, where we find ourselves. None of this happens naturally. We must practice it a long time before we begin to experience its fruits.

Taste and see that the Lord is good says Ps. 34:8. We are invited to enjoy God as we would a banquet. To do so we must change our image of God. We must know how concerned he is about our daily lives. We must see him as in our midst. Contemplation allows us to become aware of this mystery, to push past the veil and begin to tangible know the goodness of God.

Contemplation begins with listening. Often people tell me, "I can't be still. A thousand thoughts come rushing through my head when I try." So the need for practice. It takes time to learn how to wait upon the Lord, who indeed is waiting upon us.

If we would taste and see that the Lord is good, we need to learn how to be still. Not a sterile stillness, but one of readiness, openness and hope.