Mistaking Action for Intentions

I crashed through the towering pines, heedless of the thickets. I didn't watch for snakes. I didn't even notice which direction I was headed. I was only aware of the pain in my soul, the repeated actions that made me feel I was expendable, the feeling of being overwhelmed by so many criticisms. As I rushed, tears came. I pushed on. "How can they?" I questioned. "How can they care so little? Treat me like I don't matter? How can they dismiss my concerns, tell me I fabricate things looking for attention. Who wants their attention when it is always critical?"

When I look back on those years of my life and see the struggles I endured, the pain I suffered at feeling uncared for or misunderstood or judged unkindly, I also see where I needed to grow. I see I sometimes took things personally, or had unrealistic expectations of others, even as I suffered because I was not trusted or valued or approved. 

I don't blame myself now for not seeing this clearly. I was very young at the time, and needed guidance on how to be emotionally mature. I needed someone to model for me how you step back and see the bigger picture. But that guidance was missing. I realize now, it was because the individuals themselves did not know how to be emotionally mature. Instead, they blamed it all on me. And so the cycle of abuse, the trauma and turmoil was perpetrated. 

I realize now how often we look at things personally, and mistake an individual's actions as their intentions. Emotional Maturity teaches us to step back, see the bigger picture, and realize my interpretation is only one interpretation. There are at least two interpretations to every interchange, mine and the intentions of the person acting. And there are many things affecting that situation. The person could have just gotten bad news, or suffering some mishap themselves, or just plain tired. It is not always me.

The ability to step back and see the bigger picture can change our lives. It can take the sting out of things said or done that sound disrespectful.

The bigger picture will help you see that we often mistake a person's actions because we add intentions to it. And the intentions we assign are our intentions, what we would mean if we had said or done such a thing. 

We help ourselves when we give ourselves time for calming after being upset. Then, when we have calmed ourselves, we need to step back and think of other interpretations of the words or actions.

Value in Loss

Finding value in loss

It is true, that we appreciate something more after we lose it than when we had it in hand. I can think of countless examples in my own life, as I am sure you can too. There is no denying that losing somehow awakens new insights and thoughts in us. Looking back we find an appreciation, even a longing for that which was. This is true even if while we possessed it, we grumbled at our possession.

I don't know why this is, that loss makes us appreciate more. But applying that fact to life, perhaps we can find something good from suffering and trials. For what is suffering and trials but a removal of some of our peace and tranquility, a loss of what was? Perhaps (and I say perhaps) some of our suffering allows us to develop a different view of life, a view that includes greater insights. Perhaps we endure so that we can become more transformed.

It's just a thought, hoping to bring something good to the pain we endure in life. For it is true that if we can understand something better, if we can find that little bit of good that can come out of sorrow, it lessens the pain somewhat  It gives it a value.

Take the wisdom that is yours....

Advent is a journey towards Christmas. And sometimes that journey is not as bright as we would like it to be....


I am reminded of the quote in Jeremiah 23:5:   

                 I will raise up a righteous shoot to David; 
                As king he shall reign and govern wisely,          
             

What is wisdom to you? As I search and read and learn, I see that many faith traditions see wisdom as the culmination of a life lived faithfully and with courage. It comes only after one meets adversity and remains steadfast despite setbacks and adversities.

I guess that makes me a candidate for wisdom. And anyone who identifies with the above comment is a candidate as well. That means you.

How often do we honor the wisdom we have gained through life? How often do we even acknowledge that the setbacks and adversities we have endured has, in the long scheme of things, made us better persons.

So I am here to offer a word of encouragement...if your life has dealt you some hard blows; if you have struggled with decisions, relationships, kids, well then, you most definitely have a claim on wisdom.

Reflect on your experience. Think over the lessons you have learned. Consider how things are different now only because of those past experiences.

Do this, and I assure you, you too will govern wisely.

And the world will be blessed by another wise and honorable soul.

Life is not fair.

Photo by Kathleen J. Young

Attitudes Toward Your Life

“Life is not fair,” the sinner said,

And he sinned all he could, regardless.

“Life is not fair,” the agnostic said,

And he killed himself to prove it.

“Life is not fair,” the advocate said,

And he thought up new laws to amend it.

“Life is not fair,” the zealot said,

And he started a war to protest it.

“Life is not fair,” the thief said,

And he stole what he could to possess it.

“Life is not fair,” the Savior said,

And he shed all his blood to redeem it.

Finding greater appreciation

It is true, that we appreciate something more after we lose it than when we had it in hand. I can think of countless examples in my own life, as I am sure you can too. There is no denying that losing somehow awakens new insights and thoughts in us. Looking back we find an appreciation, even a longing for that which we lost. This is true even if while we possessed it, we grumbled at our possession.

I don't know why this is, that loss makes us appreciate more. But applying that fact to life, perhaps we can find something good from suffering and trials. For what is suffering and trials but a removal of some of our peace and tranquility, a loss of what was? Perhaps (and I say perhaps) we suffer so that we may develop a different view of life, a view that includes greater insights. Perhaps suffering happens so we can appreciate more. Perhaps we endure so that we can become more transformed.

It's just a thought, hoping to bring something good to the pain we endure in life. For it is true that if we can understand something better, if we can find that little bit of good that can come out of sorrow, it lessens the pain somewhat  It gives it a value.

Feeling the pain

The thought given during yesterday's service sparked my own musings...that we revert to victim-hood when we feel overwhelmed with life. Isaiah did it. So did Elisha. Job. David. Jeremiah. Even Jesus had his moment in the Garden. The kick to the gut is real, and it hurts. The secret, said the celebrant, is not to give in to the temptation. To realize I have strength to rise up and move forward.

That got me to thinking how strong we really are and don't realize. Because to be strong in pain is to feel that pain, and to become a victim is somehow to sooth it. I know about clutching the "victim-hood". Somehow it justifies my bad feelings. It lets me continue my pity-party. But it also keeps me down, stunted, and closed. I cannot learn the lessons I am meant to learn.

As dedicated Christians, as spiritual persons, we are called to be alive people, people who do not crumble under pain, people who rise above our fears. I can only do that if I believe in Romans 8:28, For those who love God, all things work together for good. It isn't a denial of pain. It isn't a superhuman attitude or ability to slough it off. It is the courage to feel the pain and learn the lesson.

I know this isn't easy. I am no different from the rest. I don't like pain. But I am learning the lessons pain has to teach, and I am realizing it often coincides with my "growth-spurt".  If I let it.