When I have lost faith

I think many of us go through a rough period when we question what we believe in and wonder what it all means and do we even still believe. It is a time when we lose faith.

But what is losing faith? I think for many, it does not mean an abandonment of all that I believe in. It is losing what once had meaning for me, and finding a different way of making meaning. It means crossing the scriptural desert by questioning and finding out some of the things I thought were necessary, were solid, were rock bottom, simply are not.

I like to think of the disciples. They followed Jesus because they full expected him to return Israel to its former glory. This is how they understood the Messiah. And they found out, as Jesus died on the cross, that they were wrong.

Imagine that loss of faith! And yet, it was necessary for them to lose it because they needed to understand differently.

So do we. We need to be challenged in our understanding, like the disciples of Jesus, and a little confused at times. It helps us clarify right thinking from fantasy, and solid ground from imagination.

So do not be afraid of losing faith. Despite the fear of that night, remember psalm 23: I will not fear the dark valley, for you are there with me at my side. With your rod and your staff, that give me courage.

Seeking within instead of without

It was a thought from yesterday's sermon, that we tend to seek our security outside of ourselves instead within, where the real strength lies. The speaker referred to psalm 23, the psalm of the Good Shepherd. "Even though I walk in the valley of darkness, I fear no evil, for you are with me," the psalm says.

Not to fear in darkness, now that is a test of faith. I think sometimes that test is asking us, how much do I believe in myself? How strongly do I believe in God's presence? How much do I seek within instead of without?

I am lucky that I grew up with parents who trusted me. They used to ask me to do things I didn't think I could do. Only in looking back do I realize, they were challenging my own opinion of myself.

Perhaps this is the meaning of walking in the valley of darkness and not fearing evil. It is God's way of saying, you have greater strengths than you know, you are stronger than you realize. You have a David inside of yourself that can overtake any Goliath. You just need to reach down for those pebbles of faith and trust.

Psalm 23 has long puzzled me for its seeming contradictions. "I shall not want" along side "I fear no evil". I did not find either true for a long time. I did want, and I did fear the darkness. But maybe they are not meant to be opposite, but complimentary. Maybe it is the darkness that teaches me not to want, because it teaches me that what I need is not out there somewhere. It is right here inside of me. It has been here all along. I just looked for peace and security in the wrong places.