The Powerful Presence

I have always loved psalm 27, especially verse 4: One thing I ask of the Lord, this I seek, to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.

You have to understand why this psalm meant so much to me. I lived in a monastery, and my life flowed with the rhythm of silence, prayer, and meditation. When I prayed those words, I meant them literally.

But then life happened, and my life within the House of the Lord became jeopardized. I said this prayer with greater intensity, as my one request truly became for the grace to stay put, always. Despite these longings, despite my desire, my health deteriorated, and I watched with increasing hopelessness as my “house of the lord” slipped away through my fingers.

In the end, the Lord did not grant my request. No answers came, and I had to accept my fate, that monastic life did not suit my personality, my temperament, or my needs. I left the community and the monastic way of life with a heavy heart. I grieved my loss for years, grieved that I no longer lived in the “House of the Lord.”  I believed this loss irretrievable.

As the years have passed, those words from psalm 27 continued to haunt me. And I've come to understand a number of things. I've come to realize that the House of the Lord is precious because of Presence. I realize that it is Presence that fills a choir or a church. It is Presence that I can sense when on monastic grounds. I can bring that same Presence into my own life. When I do, I make a sacred space within my own heart and soul. Then, my apartment, my car, or a walk in nature becomes for me, the House of the Lord. And I can dwell in that House all the days of my life.

That is now my goal. To remember. To make room for sacred space. And because I now understand Presence, I no longer grieve. I have not lost. I still have the "House of the Lord" with me wherever I go.