Truthful eyes

When we think of seeking the truth, we are not just talking about a spiritual reality toward some concept. We are also speaking about finding the truth in our own lives, in our awareness of ourselves, in our ability to communicate honestly with another. That’s because any kind of meaningful relationship requires an honesty and forthrightness that challenges our personal conceptions, and calls us to seek the truth about ourselves and our frailty.

Robert Wicks in Seeds of Sensitivity writes it's not so easy for me to have such truthful eyes. I guess it isn't for anyone who wants to be an honest, vulnerable healer in concrete situations rather than a person of love in the abstract sense. Abstract love never involves risk or failure, just good wishes and a rich imagination. Still, love in the concrete often is not pretty but its results are wonderful if we are willing to take the chance to encounter ourselves honestly as we open ourselves to others in ways in which we are willing to follow through on our promises and commitments. (81)

According to Wicks (and life demonstrates this as well), our encounter with someone else can only be as deep and as meaningful as our willingness to encounter ourselves in truth. Our relationship with God is similar. We can only know him through truthful knowledge of ourselves.

Discovering the Truth of ME

If life's journey should teach us anything, it should teach us the value of honesty. We all have experience on how hurtful dishonesty is. Yet,in my own life, it is easy to forget that value, to seek to please, to say what the other wants to hear, or to paint a picture that isn't quite true.

I think that when we do this, when we present ourselves other than what we really are, we go down wrong paths. We get that job, or position, or friend because we've made them believe something about ourselves that is not so. And that leads us to places we should not be.

I recently had a very important interview. During the interview, I spoke from my soul, giving answers that came from my truth. I did no pre-rehearsed statements. I did not take hints from the questions, or try to match my answer to some agenda. I gave them the real me.

Later, driving home, I wondered about that. After all, we are taught in interviews to match the criteria. And I did do that. I just didn't exaggerate or mislead. I didn't pretend to anything. Should I have? 

Then I thought, I gave them my best, because I gave them my true self without guile. If this particular thing I  applied for is for me, this will be what they wanted. If it isn't, then it is better I don't receive it. In other words, to try to force my life down a certain path by a particular scripted agenda probably leads to more heartache and less fulfillment. More distraction from the purpose of life and less finding my destiny.

Do we believe we are being led? Then why do we need to pretend to anything? "Seek the truth, and the truth will set you free" Jesus said in John 8:32.

When we seek the truth, it must not just be about things outside of ourselves. It must also be ourselves, me. And finding that truth isn't enough. I must then live that truth through honesty. It takes a lot more courage, faith and trust than one realizes! But it does set one free.

Capturing the Truth Within Myself

Recently I caught myself in an exaggerated storytelling moment. Later, I thought about the need to always appear somewhat better than I really am, and I asked myself why? Why is it so difficult to present myself without the hype?

I suspect I am not alone in this dilemma. Somehow, we just don't like to be human, bruised, faulty, imperfect. We somehow think that is unacceptable. Somehow, we think others will think better of us if we present a  picture better than who we really are.

And yet, truth is a lot more compelling, more convincing, more refreshing.

The Truth will set you free says John 8:32. We cannot portray the truth until we first capture it within ourselves. That means leaving off the need to be superior, accepting ourselves in reality, knowing ourselves. It means we must spend a lot of time with ourselves, taking off the rose-colored glasses and looking into the mirror with honesty. It means that we should admit that sometimes we are not okay. Sometimes we need prodding. Sometimes we do act in ways unbecoming and belittling. Yes, we are fragile and made of clay.

Will I ever stop telling exaggerated stories about myself? Probably not. I love the look of disbelief I can bring to another's eyes. But I will also never stop trying to learn the real me, to portray the real me when it is serious and important, and to accept who I really am. For there is no fault in being human. Only in pretending not to be.