Living divided or undivided?

Darkness is not dark to the enlightened soul

I don't often think of the cause of “division” on my spiritual journey. If I think of it at all, I think of it as my battle between good and evil, my desires battling the world that challenges me. As I say, I don’t often think of that. I would rather think in terms of unity and wholeness.

And yet, we all battle division in some way. We can relate to what is ascribed to Paul in Romans 7:15, the good I will to do, I do not, and the evil I will to refrain from, that I do. Paul admits finding division within himself, despite his intense love for God. 

I am thinking of this because recently someone gave me her definition of integrity.  Integrity, she said, is the gap between what you say and what you do. Interesting concept. The smaller the gap, the greater the integrity.

This puts division in a whole new light. It makes it, not the difference between good and evil, but my own wiliness to address my struggle and my honesty with myself. In other words, it is not the battle that rages outside of myself, drawing me toward either good or evil.  It is rather the gap between what I say and how I live, my words versus my actions. My own authentic honesty with my life and where I am on my journey.

Looked at that way, division is seen as my own openness to enlightenment. I am divided, not because I struggle, but because I deny my struggle. I am divided only when I remain blind to my human side.

That makes the real question a little different. If I find myself divided, what is my vision? Just how honest am I about myself? Am I pretending to something that isn’t there? Am I open to enlightenment, or do I cling to the false security of darkness?

For enlightenment brings me closer to reality, the truth about myself, and my situation in this world. Enlightenment offers me the choice of truth, and that truth leads to integrity.

Filling the gap between words and deeds

I don't often think of division on my spiritual journey. I think of authenticity, of determination, and of commitment. In fact, I think of wholeness. Yet, as creatures, we often find ourselves divided. We can relate to St. Paul, who wrote in Romans 7:15, the good I will to do, I do not, and the evil I will to refrain from, that I do.

I have not given much thought to division until I heard someone speak of integrity. Integrity, according to this person, is the gap between what you say and what you do.

That definition puts a whole new light on Paul's words. I think our tendency for division comes in thinking in black and white, right and wrong, good and evil. Such thinking tends to divide us, makes us believe we are either on one side or the other.

Jesus often chided those who thought in such a matter. In Matthew 23:4 Jesus complains how those in authority burdened their faithful with laws and commandants they themselves did not obey. It makes one pause and think.

So, if we find division within ourselves, perhaps it has to do with integrity. Perhaps when we say one thing and do another, we build up a division within ourselves. Then, because we are divided, we think in divided terms.

In other words, as Jesus tells others in Matthew 23:4, we do not always do that which we want to. And it is best to be honest, as Paul is honest, and say so. Then, we live with greater integrity, we narrow that gap in our life.

I wonder if this is what it is all about. Does integrity make us honest about our struggle, or do we pretend to be something we are not?