Stop Looking for Happy Endings

 

I confess I'm royally annoyed. I keep hearing, "Done with 2021. Let's move on to 2022!" Like 2022 is going to be significantly different than 2021, that one manmade calendar date will suddenly change our lives. That ushering in a New Year means things will change.

That's a lie.

Life is life. Instead of looking at 2021 as a bad year, a year we want to delete from our memories and from our lives, how about we look at it as lessons learned?

Because what is 2021 but a year where we were challenged? How did we deal with the call to sacrifice, how much did we do to deepen our life? 

Because let's face it, life is not meant to be stress-free. Let me repeat that. Life is not meant to be stress-free! 

Life is a series of dealing with stressful situations, challenges, and obstacles that come, hopefully, in between good times. 

How about instead of complaining that 2021 is a bad year and let's put it behind us- to what did I learn about myself this past year? What did I do to cope? How did I change and did it work?

I had many good things come about during 2021. I hiked with my husband in Zion, Bryce Canyon and Grand Canyon. I got together with my 8 siblings and their spouses to celebrate my sister's jubilee. That was awesome.

 I moved into a new office, one better suited to therapy and with colleagues who I respect, trust and enjoy. I became closer to my husband through serious and deep conversations, vulnerability, and honesty.

And I had challenges during 2021. I badly sprained my ankle and was unable to enjoy my outdoor activities for 3 months. I got exposed to Covid and had to undergo the anxiety of wondering if I would get it. We spent Christmas home and alone due to the Covid outbreaks, and our decision that this would be the best way for us to celebrate the holiday.

What have I learned? That all of life has its challenges, that I am strong enough to handle the challenges that confront me, and that life consists of constant learning.

How's that for a New Year's wish? I wish you a continued year of believing in yourself, that whatever comes in life, you can deal with it, with learning lessons from that difficult part of life that none of us enjoy.

Because that is my wish for you.

Happy 2022. May it continue your emotional and spiritual growth, help you believe more in your ability to handle life as it is, and bring you to a greater acceptance of reality.

What kind of New Life?

 Happy Easter. We say it so quickly, like the greeting, Hi, How are you? We don't expect anyone to really tell us how they are. We say it because, well, it's what we say when we see someone!

I think the same can be said of Easter and resurrection and Jesus in general. We've become accustomed to the accounts given to us, the message we are supposed to take from it, and therefore, Happy Easter!

I'd like to suggest something a little different today. When you think of Easter and resurrection, I'd like you to think of recovery. A specific recovery, from emotional and verbal abuse.

If you have suffered from these, you know the damage it does. Robin Stern, in his book, "The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life" includes some of the signs of gaslighting:

* No longer feeling like the person you used to be

*Being more anxious and less confident than you used to be

*Often wondering if you're being too sensitive

*Feeling like everything you do is wrong

*Apologizing often

*Having a sense that something's wrong, but being unable to identify what it is

*Feeling isolated from friends and family

*Finding it increasingly hard to make decisions

These are just some of the signs. I think the biggest consequence of gaslighting is a loss of confidence in self. When you leave the situation of abuse, you don't automatically and suddenly gain that back. 

That's where the Easter story comes in. Is Jesus just redeeming us from sin? Or are there other interpretations for his resurrection? Like healing from trauma?

Healing from trauma is a slow process. With confidence, it means learning to speak up when someone says something you don't agree with. It means believing your decision is the right one, without constant second-guessing. It means being able to say no and not give an explanation. It means being able to make a mistake, and not feel the world has ended or you are being judged. It means believing in yourself enough that outside criticism does not take it away.

Jesus shows us the way. Patience. Acceptance. Healing. His resurrection story is also a story of healing from the passion of abuse. 

I will Carry You

 

"Even to your old age I am the same, even when your hair is gray I will hear you; It is I who have done this, I who will continue, and I who will carry you to safety." Isaiah 46:4

It is nice to remember that we will never be forgotten by God. We forget this so often it is God who has to remind us. We are like petulant children, wanting attention, wanting our own way. And God says, I hear you. Be patient. 

I once thought that with all the ways God blessed my life, I would never forget his generosity. And then another difficulty would happen, and I had to learn it all over again. And again. I came in time to accept that past trust does not breed present trust. We have to draw upon it each time. Like a car that needs to be filled with gas on occasion.

I find it comforting to remember that God is keeping us in mind. 

Blessed are those who Hope

 

I decided to try to do my Lectio Divina on the daily readings. Today's readings are Jeremiah 7:5-10; Psalm 1; and Luke 16:19-31.

My way of doing Lectio is to circle the words that speak to me as I read. The following words are the words I circled in today's reading: seeks, heart, desert, change, trust, tree, fears not, fruit, understand, hope, delights, season, fade, chaff, kept, bosom, crossing and listen.

Seeking is a lifelong endeavor. It begins with the heart. In the beginning, we experience dryness and doubt, a sort of desert, which happens in any kind of change. With time and trust, we set roots down into our soul, like that of a tree. We learn to fear not when things don't go our way, and rejoice when we see fruit.

Understanding is not the goal; hope is, the ability to delight in what we have, as life is full of seasons, and it is hope that will sustain us even when we fade or feel like chaff.

Because God is kept in our bosom until we reach the crossing. We just need to listen to our heart to be reminded of these things.