Who is your God? That is sort of the question I ask myself continually. My God is constant, but my understanding of God is forever changing.
In the past I made my faith a matter of believing in mysteries, and told myself that it was impossible to understand, that I must just accept. Such an attitude robbed me of developing a better understanding of my God. Because when I believe I can't know, I don't search.
Sometimes I thought that understanding and knowing God was a matter of deep theology, something academic, agonizing, only open to intellectuals. As though God were some kind of snob that only an elite few can know.
I have thrown those views out of my life. I decided that to understand God better I need to search. I believe searching implies stepping back, not stepping up. It requires not so much a willingness to dig into the mysteries in search of knowledge as it does a watching that discoveries a personality. And just as we form friendships over time, so too, the mystic gaze allows us to "know" God over time, and understand God with the eye of the soul, which is different than knowing God with the mind. For if it is true of anyone, it is true of God, to know God is to love God.
To know God, I must face mystery until it opens.
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