Seeing and not seeing. It's often a topic here on Monastic Ponderings. I become conscious because I want to see. I practice compassion so that my heart will respond better and know more. I meditate so that I am aware. It all implies a willingness to journey. But there is another aspect to journey: a willingness to accept what that journey brings us.
It happens that sometimes I fail to see, not because I am spiritually blind, but because I don't like what I find. The revelation is not what I expected, I had hoped for more, or less, or better. I find myself in disbelief that after all I've done, this is the result? And so my journey has brought me to a point I do not want to be, with a decision I do not want to make, and a revelation I do not like. The resistance can be ever so slight, but it is there. And I wish I had remained blind…
It just goes to show that no one ever "arrives" at a place where struggle ceases, despite rhetoric to the contrary. The journey will always have its challenges, and we will always have choices. Paul complained about his own battles, and received this reply: "My grace is sufficient for you."(2 Cor. 12:9).
Perhaps this is the meaning of psalm 139:12 Darkness is not dark for you, and night will be light as the day. When I seek for light, I must realize, I may not like what I find. Revelation is not always exciting. Transformation may hurt.
But this too is journey.
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