In a monastery garden

Monastery grounds

I've often heard the expression that silence prepares you to speak. I disagree.

I can argue this because I am a great proponent of silence. I have often spoken of it on this site, and I can honestly say that it is one of the elements of monastic life that I miss.

Even so, I still say that silence does not prepare you to speak. It prepares you to listen. It offers you a venue for meditation. But it does not make you ready for engagement.

I say this because when I left the monastery, my first response to difficulties was silence. It wasn't because I was being thoughtful. I simply didn't know what to say. It has taken me years to remedy this deficit.

I think this consideration applies to other things as well. What may be good for one thing is not necessarily good for another. And worst of all, over-spiritualizing my spiritual life is the worst sin of all. I am not prepared just because I believe, or because fate has handed me the chance. I need to prepare, regardless of my faith.

I don't know why I am rambling so much today. Perhaps it is the heat. Perhaps it is the absence of Internet during the week so I cannot blog. Or perhaps being back at the monastery has stirred up many thoughts and emotions.

I'll let you know next week.

I'm just sayin...

A recent incident has made me re-visit thoughts on being true to your word.  Last summer I was in charge of getting someone to do some work at the monastery. Two men came, looked at the work, and said they would get back with quotes. I never heard from them again. Strange, I thought. Not only did they not call, but they did not even answer calls to them.

One fellow happened to be recommended by a friend. That friend also called with no results. So the monastery went ahead and got someone else who actually did the job.

This week, I found out from my friend that she saw this guy at a funeral (the one who promised quotes and never returned). She asked him what happened. Oh, he replied, I won't do that job. No way.

Why didn't he just tell me he wasn't interested? Why did he promise quotes and breakdowns and men when he had NO intention of delivering. Why was he so very unprofessional?

That's why today I am thinking of the sacredness of words. It's more than saying what you mean and meaning what you say. It is standing up in your own truth and not pretending to something that is not. It is thinking about what I say, so that my words speak from my integrity.

I say this because I am on my own journey toward reverencing my words more. I am working very hard to say not what I think the person wants to hear, but what is true in my heart and soul. I am working on upholding my word, so if I say I will try to do something, I really do try, and not let excuses get in my way. I am trying not to promise things I can't deliver.

And so, I have no respect for a contractor who tells me he will get back to me with quotes and breakdown of work, when he never intended to get back to me, period. I have no respect, because he showed me no respect. His words were cheap. I am glad he did not do the work, because he certainly is not a man anyone can trust.

It is necessary to be true to your word. For it says a lot about how much I believe and reverence myself.

Waiting on the Lord...

It was so simple. I was in the store buying groceries, and saw the bananas. I would really like some bananas, I thought. As I walked over to the stand, I suddenly thought, well, I don't REALLY need them, as I have other fruit at home. I stood there for about 30 seconds debating. Then I finally walked away without them.

Later that day my sister said to me, These are for you! as she offered me some treats. Among them sat a banana. I could not help but smile and say, Thank you Lord. 

But then that got me to wondering.  This is not the first time this has happened, when an unspoken desire of my heart gets wonderfully fulfilled. But it is always something small, like the banana. I spoke to the Lord about this and asked, Why is it you fulfill these little desires of my heart so often, but not the big ones????

The Lord hasn't answered my question yet, but a Bible verse comes to mind as I ponder this. It comes from Mt 6:30: If God so cares for the flowers of the field, how much more will God take care of you, O you of little faith!

Maybe these small attentions, the little desires that are so mysteriously fulfilled without even a prayer are a reminder that God does indeed watch out for me. Perhaps it is God's way of saying, hang in there my friend, I am aware of your situation and your needs. Even if I seem not to be listening, I am.

This brings me to another scripture verse from psalm 37:4 that says, If you trust in the Lord and do good, the Lord will grant you your heart's desire. 

I guess the secret is, Wait on the Lord. Be patient. And wait on the Lord! (psalm 27:14)