Much of religious literature treats progress in the spiritual life as some sort of ladder, with each rung bringing us to a higher stage. It’s as though closeness to God can be earned like a college degree.
I recognize that yes, the spiritual life does unfold naturally, as we grow from the simple faith of a child to a more mature faith, like the adolescent, to a deep and mystical faith, like that of a mature adult. But I think real life is more obscure, meandering, and unpredictable.
In truth, I think of my spiritual journey not as climbing rungs of a ladder, but as deepening my soul and spirit. And I’ve learned that even when I am aware of Presence, I still have doubts, fears, and questions. I have learned to accept the very real fact that life has its ups and downs, and my vision need not be clear to believe or to love.
I think we tend to think of the spiritual life in this way because we want light to cast out all doubt, and moral courage to overcome all fears. I think such concepts come only from those who have not stayed on-board the sinking vessel of life, and searched for their own surviving hope and trust.
I say this because I see a danger in stages, in ascending, as though we can reach a plateau where we know better than others. I think this is a very dangerous kind of thinking. In some sense, we are all beginners, because we must be converted and turned to the Lord every waking moment of our lives. And in some sense we all have a part of heaven tucked into our heart and soul.
So, instead of seeking to climb to perfection, seek instead a greater openness to the spirit, an acceptance of who I am. And remember always the psalm, The Lord hears the cry of the poor. (Ps. 34)
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