The benefits of forgiveness

Forgiveness allows tranquility to envelope the soul

I found it quite interesting that the article on forgiveness was not in a religious magazine. No, it was in Counseling Today, the ACA magazine for licensed, professional, clinical counselors. I'd like to quote a couple lines here.

What stands between many clients and a happy life is the often-elusive process of forgiveness.

Blockages people struggle with in their lives were linked to some sort of issue for which they needed to forgive someone.

Forgiveness isn't about the other person or about making someone else apologize or change--it is about setting yourself free.

Not forgiving creates an emotional prison, ties you to a person or an event that usually you would rather forget but are unable to.

I could go on. But I think the above quotes demonstrates quite well that forgiveness is about me, not about the other person. For when I failed to forgive, I become the prisoner, chained to the person or event I will not let go. Refusing to forgive keeps me very small, and small means many things: bitter, resentful, jealous, angry, hateful, stuck.

When Jesus said, forgive others as you want God to forgive you, he was in effect trying to remind me to keep balanced. Just as I do things that need forgiving, so too do others. Do not expect them to be something I cannot be.

Finding an article on forgiveness in a counseling magazine shows just how far reaching resentments can go. I do so much harm to myself when I refuse to forgive.

So the next time someone hurts or offends me, maybe my question should be, "Do I want to punish and damage myself over this?" If the answer is no, then it is time to let go.

 

Jonah, punishment, and me

I am like Jonah. As the story is told in Chapter 3 of scripture, Jonah went out to the city of Nineveh to announce that it was doomed. Only something unexpected happened. They repented, and then God repented of promising destruction. And Jonah? Well, he got mad that God did not destroy them. After all, Jonah went through quite a bit before making it to Nineveh. Jonah wanted God to fulfill the punishment Jonah had promised. Jonah wanted justice.

I cringe when I realize, I am like Jonah. When someone cuts me off on the highway, I say a prayer they will get caught by the cops. When someone insults me, I secretly hope for some mishap to come about, and convince myself that they deserve this. When bad things happen, I find a way to justify myself. Yes, I am like Jonah.

Being a Christian should make me different. I should be full of compassion and empathy. I should not look at people and hope they will get their due. So where have I gone wrong?

I put these tendencies to human nature and our natural response to danger.

And I admit, I am still on my journey. I have not yet arrived.

Mercy not sacrifice

In the Kingdom, the last shall be first

Today honors one of the Gospel writers, Matthew. Looking at his life, we see a mirror of how Jesus thinks and how Jesus acts.

According to the gospel account, Matthew was a tax collector, a profession considered traitorous by his own country men. Strict Jews of Jesus time would have banned any contact or communication with such a person. So, of course, Jesus walks over to Matthew and says not "Hi. Howya doin?" but, "Follow me" (Mt 9:9). And Matthew rises up and leaves everything to follow.

I've often wondered at certain passages of the gospels, those that deal with the righteous being cast out and those considered "sinners" or "least worthy" being made friends of God. Matthew certainly fits in this category, but so does Mary Magdalen (Lk 7:36-50), the Centurion (Mt 8:5-13), and most especially, the story of the pharisee and the publican (Lk 18:9-14).

Jesus must see something humble, something honest, something authentic in these cast-outs of regular religious society.  According Matthew (9:9-13) Jesus response to those who questioned his association with Matthew and his friends were simple, Go and learn the meaning of the words, I desire mercy, not sacrifice.

Swiss mystic Maurice Zundel writes As long as we have not met God...God is like a false god. Maybe this is the answer to the puzzle. All of the good works or piety or just deeds we do have no real meaning until we meet God. And in Jesus own words, we do that by mercy, not sacrifice.

The power of clemency

God lets the sun rise upon the just and the unjust.

Power. It’s a hypnotic drug, able to blind individuals, families, community and nations. It causes abuse of all kinds. To learn what true power is all about, we need to read Wisdom 12: 16-19. For it says: But though you [God] are master of might, you judge with clemency, and with much lenience you govern us; for power, whenever you will, attends you. And you taught your people by these deeds, that those who are just must be kind, and you gave your children good ground for hope…

If Christians followed this one bit of advice, we would change the world. We would demonstrate to all that true power is the ability to show patience and clemency. We would set the example that power means controlling ourselves, not constantly sitting in judgment over others.

But we too often think of power as the ability to “fix” things and set them straight. I want to right wrongs and punish the wrong doer. I want to make everyone understand as I understand, to learn from my mistakes and not their own. Yes, I even want to punish those thoughtless diehards who let others suffer so that they can rule and threaten and own. 

And yet, that is not the Christian way. You taught your people by these deeds, that those who are just must be kind. That is a big demand, a hard saying, a difficult precept to follow. But it is ultimately, gloriously, and fundamentally, the only true power.

Remembering Frailty

We are to be like God. We like the sound of that. When I think of that statement, I think of power, divinity, wholeness. But it means more. As Jesus says in today's gospel Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:36) Now that is a tall order...

Dom Anscar Vonier says Our whole Christian outlook should be an outlook of goodness.What a witness of Christianity that would be! But for some reason, Christians tend to be very critical of others, very much judging and often condemning. How come? The Jesus of the gospel is anything but.

I believe it has to do with fear. Perhaps seeing others stumble, fail, fall reminds us too much of our own weakness and darkness. And perhaps that is scary because we have not yet gone beyond the possibility of failure. We want to put such thoughts out of our mind. We want to live without the remembrance of our frailty.

But we need to remember, because remembering is part of reflecting God's goodness.

To be merciful to others really means to remember my own weakness. If I do, I will allow others to find their way. Because I will remember that we are all on a journey toward discovery. We each need time to reach enlightenment, which also means we need time to stumble, to grasp, to grope in the dark. Being merciful means remembering I don't have it all together either. And if I need time, I should also give time to others.