The longer I live, the more I meditate, the more I see that my past spirituality got so much of "it" wrong. What do I mean? Well, I was taught the merit system. I was taught that I must toil my way toward paradise, fearing hell all the way. I was taught heaven was hard to attain, and God was hard to please.
And then life happened. The merit system did not bring me the peace and security it was supposed to. The neat answers I was given did not work in real life. And so I sought more. I came upon authors like Hans Urs von Balthasar, Richard Rohr, Henri Nouwen and Paulo Coelho, who challenged my concepts and my training in spirituality. I learned that challenging my spirituality actually helped me find good, solid ground. I accepted that challenge. Searching helped me shake out the dross of opinions and trite sayings, and arrive at a more solid ground. It grew my way of thinking.
When I stop to ponder now, I really I was taught to be afraid, to see God as hard to please. I now wonder, do we as humans promote this concept of the merit system because it gives us some sense of control? Do we do so because we want to be able to differentiate between those who qualify, and those who don't? Are we making spirituality a "club" where all the members abide by the rules or else are banned?
It would seem so.
But as I am learning, God does not operate like that. God does not keep a check list, counting our deeds and planning punishment. When God watches over us, God wants to defend us, forgive us, and transform us. We are the ones who put up barriers, live by fear, let our faulty understanding halt God’s love.
So I need to put fear aside. For God is not hard to please. Humans are. And God is not human.
God is Divine.
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