A New Year's resolution

Each New Year I look forward to a new beginning. I see it as an opportunity to let go of the past, and begin yet again. In my eagerness to make a fresh start, I always make resolutions. As the years past, I realize that many of my expectations are not just about me, but about others, and that sometimes I am unrealistic.

I have lived long enough to know that much of the stress we experience in our lives comes from  unrealistic expectations. We fail to look at the norm, at the conduct we or another person consistently demonstrates. We want more, and we want better. Often these desires have more to do with our own conduct and expectations and less to do with another. The problem is, such attitudes guarantee disappointment.

I wonder how many of our disappointments could be averted if we kept this in mind. I've often been reminded of my own "unrealistic expectations" of another, and have struggled to remember the person's usual conduct, and not to expect differently. This fact is not depressing; it is part of what it means to accept reality for what it is.

I think part of our unrealistic expectations come because we don't like living in an imperfect world. In a perfect world, yes, all would be thoughtful, sensitive, generous and kind. In a perfect world, no one would insult, slander, or offend. In a perfect world, I would not have to deal with my selfishness, my ego, my needs. But in reality, all these things that I struggle with affect me, affect others, cloud my vision and affect my altruism. I struggle even when I think I'm being my best. So do others.

This brings me back to the birth of Jesus. He embraced this imperfect world with its disappointments, its pain and sorrow, and its limitations. He did not come to change that. He came to demonstrate that an imperfect world need not deter me from following my dreams. He came that I might look beyond the pain and suffering of this life and find renewal in purpose. He came to show me the Way in an imperfect world.

I am determined this New Year to remember that. I am determined to focus on my dreams and accept my imperfect situation. I am going to focus on what I can be, not the imperfections all around me. Most of all, I am going look forward to opportunity.

I wish the same for you. Happy New Year!

A wish for you for 2012

Looking back over the year, I find it overwhelming to remember the natural disasters, the political stalemates, the deaths, tragedies and rebellions that took place just this past year. I need to remember that all of these incidents are an indication of something bigger: how resilient we are as a nation.

In light of this, perhaps the best words uttered this past year were words spoken by a dying man.

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become, said Steve Jobs at the commencement speech at Stanford.

Your heart and intuition.  Here is the place you can become influenced by the Spirit, and led to your destiny.

To hear your heart, to tune into your intuition, you need a certain amount of honesty and authenticity. You need silence and meditation. You need a certain jumping off point, a tragedy of sorts, a place where your own plan has failed, and you need to regroup and consider.

José Ortega writes: This is the simple truth – that to live is to feel oneself lost. Whoever accepts this has already begun to find herself, to be on firm ground. Instinctively, as do the shipwrecked, she will look around for something to which to cling, and that tragic, ruthless glace, absolutely sincere because it is a question of her salvation, will cause her to bring order to the chaos of her life….She who does not really feel herself lost, is without remission; that is to say, she never finds herself, never comes up against her own reality.

My wish for you in 2012: embrace feeling shipwrecked. You are about to find your heart, your intuition, and your dreams.

Discover the power

New Year is almost here, and many of us are making resolutions. I would like to suggest a resolution most will probably not think of: make time for Lectio Divina.

Lectio Divina is a medieval monastic custom, a form of reading, particularly, reading scripture. Duncan Robertson explains that the reader "tastes" the words of Scripture on the "palate" of the heart, or indeed literally in the mouth as he or she pronounces them; one has then to "chew" the text thoroughly and "digest" it, that is to say, proceed toward interpretation and personal appropriation. This formulation takes into account the affective, even visceral, responses that precede understanding, and eventually accompany and follow it. The reader, according to Cassian, should feel the "power" of the words, before attempting to grasp their meaning; understanding would come later...as a gift of the Spirit at some unguarded moment....

Think of that word power. If your reading of scripture is to memorize, you have not felt the power of the Words. If you read scripture simply to educate yourself, you will not understand its mystery. Even if you read scripture prayerfully, you will still not experience the power of these words. To do so, you must take time to let the words rest on the "palate" of your heart, and then "chew" them by repeating them over and over again. Remember the words of Robertson--understanding comes later, as a gift of the Spirit at some unguarded moment, like driving in your car, or waiting at the checkout counter, or even eating dinner.

Lectio offers me an opening to understanding, because it asks me to hold on to the Word for a greater length of time. I need to stay with that Word, treasure it from every angle, and gaze on it without needing to interpret. I repeat it not in an intellectual way, but in a visceral way, waiting for it to reveal its own mysteries to me. I wait, not forcing my understanding, but willing to carry that word until the Spirit descend into my soul with new meaning and understanding.

This is how I discover the Power of the Word. This is the change that transforms me.  When I learn to sit and wait, when I give the Word a new respect by holding it sacred, I prepare myself for revelation. That revelation is not for others, but for me, for my life with the Divine, for my own nourishment.

Herein is the Power. Herein is the transformation.

The year in review

Reading through a number of blogs that I follow, I noticed a common theme running through them all: sadness that Christmas is over, a old year is about to end, and winter is upon us. The blogs all reminded us that Jesus is the light, even when we feel in darkness. All in all, they were pretty much saying, get over it and remember the better days.

I do not like darkness any more than anyone else. But I do find that my concept of darkness has changed over the years. In fact, I find that darkness can sometimes be a time of peace and quiet, a time for inner growth and enlightenment. I used to fear darkness, and believe that when one truly loves God, one no longer experiences darkness. I no longer agree.

A sermon for Christmas by Abbot Paul mentioned how the most important events in the history of Judeo/Christian religion happened in darkness: the creation of the world, the birth of Jesus, and the death of Jesus. I think that thought is worth pondering a bit.

Perhaps darkness symbolizes our state of wonder, when we gaze up at the stars and moon and look for light. Perhaps darkness is our time of gestation, when we grow and nurture our soul before taking on a new battle in life.

Darkness need not be a fearful and dreaded thing. It can mean rest.

And so, looking back over the year, dark days should not discourage us. For great things can come from darkness if we let go of our fear and wait with hope.

I love this quote from Wisdom 18: 14-15: When peaceful silence lay over all, and night had run half of her swift course, your all-powerful word, O Lord, leaped down from heaven, from the royal throne.

Peaceful silence. We all practice silence at times, as a way to recharge, but also as a way to punish. We practice silence when we are in turmoil, or insulted, or simply too depressed to talk. But that is a mournful silence, an angry silence, a selfish silence.

Peaceful silence. It seems a prerequisite for the Word leaping down. It implies the ability to let go, to forgive, to face difficulties with tranquility. It speaks to my ability to balance my life so that what happens to me and my choice of response do not collide in conflict. It hints that difficulties are to be resolved through reflection, prayer, and acceptance. Not an easy action.

Peaceful silence. I'm reminded of the kind of silence that we experience during the stillness of night, or standing in falling snow, of while watching a glowing sunset. All these natural beauties happen in a special kind of silence, as though waiting for us to appreciate them.

Perhaps this is why the Word waits. In peaceful silence, waiting for us to appreciate him.

A New Year's resolution that gives life

I will never forget the service I attended last year, and the priest asked how many in the congregation had made New Year's resolutions. Two of us raised our hands. He chuckled and said, "So you'll still doing that," as if we were to be pitied. I sat there and thought, what?

I've heard it before. "Well, I never keep my New Year's resolution, so I've stopped making them." To me, nothing is more pitiable than that kind of attitude. Well, almost nothing. Because such words and sentiments come from those who have given up. Why resolve? You'll only break that resolution. So don't bother.

I think what bothers me the most is the why bother attitude. How can I continue to make progress as a person if I don't bother? How can I increase my attention, deepen my spirit, become more aware of the Divine if I don't bother? My journey is a active choice being made over and over again. I cannot sit on the sidelines and expect my life to deepen by itself.

I wonder if such attitudes come because many resolutions are only "corrective". I believe such resolutions stem from a deeper, hidden, self-loathing. Why, when we think of making things better, is our first thought to attack our own self, to alter it in some drastic form, to bash it or humiliate it or reform it? It's no wonder we get tired and burnt out with such resolutions.

Resolutions should enhance our person, not destroy it. If we have bad habits, they often stem from deeper conflicts, conflicts that are better addressed through meditation, reflection, and acceptance. It's amazing how such practices can open up the heart and help us to love the very one we have most difficulty loving: ourselves.

I encourage you, if you've given up on resolutions, to attempt a spiritual one this year, one more accepting and gentle on your soul. And if you are making resolutions, I urge you to cast aside the ones that attack your person, and instead opt for something that feeds your soul. In all of this, remember the words from John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, so that we might not perish, but have eternal life.

We need resolutions that give life.

What does Christmas mean to you?

Ever stop to analyze why Christmas is such a special season? No matter what your belief, there is a spirit in the air, a lightness in people's heart, and excitement. If only we took the time to contemplate what spawns such a spirit, maybe we could extend it a little longer, a few more weeks, a few months, even throughout the year.

I suspect that a great deal of the joy created at this time of year comes from our sense of oneness. Somehow, we manage to think of others more, and in so doing, we find that we are bound together more than we realize.

Perhaps that spirit, one of ties and family, come because during the season of Christmas we are more willing to let go, in order to celebrate. Filled with the spirit of Christmas, we tend to be more generous, more forgiving, and kinder.

 Who wouldn't want that spirit to continue?

Who wouldn't want a world at greater peace?

I believe it can and will continue throughout the year when we have made the child more than a seasonal celebration, when we know the child, the Divine Child, not on a friendly basis, but with a deep abiding love.

Then we will not wait for Christmas to speak to him again. We will do it on a daily basis.

And we will live with a spirit of Christmas in our hearts and souls.

Merry Christmas!