A beauty born of suffering

The question is as old as the ages, and has been asked in every language and in every religion. If God is loving and kind, then why do we have suffering in this world?

Many have tried to answer this questions. Theologians will speak about free will and original sin. Others will blame the power of evil and darkness. And some maintain it is all an illusion. But when you are the one struggling, such answers do not really speak to the heart and soul.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross is quoted as saying The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

To explain away pain is to cheapen human suffering. To acknowledge it, to struggle and rise from the depths, that takes suffering and turns it into something beautiful. We have seen individuals who have endured much, but not let that pain embitter them. They are powerful souls because they know suffering, and do not try to explain it away. They instead offer compassion and are sensitive to the vulnerabilities of life and the need for encouragement.

Beautiful people do not just happen. They are born from the depth of suffering, struggle, loss and defeat.

To never fail is to never stop

I often say, I think we’ve got it all wrong. For example, take the words of Sirach 24:18-21: Come to me, all you that yearn for me, and be filled with my fruits; you will remember me as sweeter than honey, better to have than the honeycomb. She who eats of me will hunger still, she who drinks of me will thirst for more; She who obeys me will not be put to shame, she who serves me will never fail.

In a sense, this quote is telling us, the journey does not stop. It is saying that desire should never find fulfillment, and that as long as we desire, we shall want more. The words bring to mind that neediness is not shameful, but useful. The concept is counter to what most of us want. I want my desire to find fulfillment. I want to stop the wandering, the searching, the inquire for answers. And yet, Sirach says, we should hope to never be satisfied, but instead to always thirst for more. 


I think Sirach is telling me that loving God should not be a a plateau I arrive at, and are then content to let it be. It is telling me, or even warning me, that the God thing is a tangible and satisfying affair, one that makes my heart beg for more.

I think the last line in this quote tells me the most. It doesn't say, she who serves me will succeed, but she who serves me will never fail. There is a huge difference. Success can be personally satisfying, self-fulfilling achievement. It can also be, in a sense, the end of my journey. And while a sojourner on this earth, my journey continues. By saying I shall never fail, the writer is in effect acknowledging my need to continue on. In a way, the writer is addressing the realism of life, my ups and downs, my doubts as well as my faith.

And so, I understand that, in all that happens, nothing need spell failure. Because I never need to stop. I can continue on, and thirst for more.

Capturing the truth within

Recently I caught myself in an exaggerated storytelling moment. Later, I thought about the need to always appear somewhat better than I really am, and I asked myself, why? Why is it so difficult to present myself without the hype?

I suspect I am not alone in this dilemma. Somehow, we just don't like to be human, bruised, faulty, imperfect. We somehow think that is unacceptable. Somehow, we think others will think better of us if we present a  picture better than who we really are.

And yet, truth is a lot more compelling, more convincing, more refreshing.

The Truth will set you free says John 8:32. We cannot portray the truth until we first capture it within ourselves. That means leaving off the need to be superior, accepting ourselves in reality, knowing ourselves without embellishment. It means we must spend a lot of time with ourselves, taking off the rose-colored glasses and looking into the mirror with honesty. It means that we should admit that sometimes we are not okay. Sometimes we need prodding. Sometimes we do act in ways unbecoming and belittling. Yes, we are fragile and made of clay.

Will I ever stop telling exaggerated stories about myself? Probably not. I love the look of disbelief in someone's eyes when I am in the midst of a good story. But I will also never stop trying to learn the real me, to portray the real me when it is serious and important, and to accept who I really am. For there is no fault in being human. Only in pretending not to be.

Refusing to harm myself

Forgiveness brings tranquility to the soul

It was quite interesting to find an article on forgiveness in a non-religious magazine. In fact, it was in Counseling Today, the ACA magazine for licensed, professional, clinical counselors. The article was so interesting that I'd like to quote a couple lines here:

What stands between many clients and a happy life is the often-elusive process of forgiveness.

Blockages people struggle with in their lives were linked to some sort of issue for which they needed to forgive someone.

Forgiveness isn't about the other person or about making someone else apologize or change--it is about setting yourself free.

Not forgiving creates an emotional prison, ties you to a person or an event that usually you would rather forget but are unable to.

I could go on. But I think the above quotes demonstrates quite well that forgiveness is about me, not about the other person. For when I failed to forgive, I become the prisoner, chained to the person or event I will not let go. Refusing to forgive keeps me very small, and small means many things: bitter, resentful, jealous, angry, hateful, stuck.

When Jesus said, forgive others as you want God to forgive you, he was in effect trying to remind me to keep balanced. Just as I do things that need forgiving, so too do others. Do not expect them to be something I cannot be.

Finding an article on forgiveness in a counseling magazine shows just how far reaching resentments can go. I do so much harm to myself when I refuse to forgive.

So the next time someone hurts or offends me, maybe my question should be, "Do I want to punish and damage myself over this?" If the answer is no, then it is time to let go.

God is not hard to please

The longer I live, the more I meditate, the more I think that my past spirituality got so much of "it" wrong. I lived by the merit system, toiling my way toward paradise, fearing hell all the way. I felt heaven was hard to attain, and God hard to please.



And then life happened. My merit system did not bring me the peace and security that I sought. The neat answers did not answer. And I sought more. I came upon authors like Hans Urs von Balthasar, who challenged my concept and my understanding of spirituality. I learned that a challenged spirituality helps one find good, solid ground. Accepting that challenge, I also came to a different way of thinking.


Example: Von Balthasar writes that when Jesus came and died for us, it changed everything. In his words, God is not only with us, as in the Old Testament's "Emmanuel," but is ultimately "for us,"...now God is so completely on our side that any (juridical) indictment against us loses all its force. No one can accuse us before God's judgment seat, because the Son God sacrifice is such an irrefutable advocate that silences any human charge...

That doesn't sound like a God who is hard to please. 

So when I think of all the fear I've had in the past of not pleasing God, I have to wonder. I wonder if we as humans don't promote the concept of the merit system because it gives us some sense of control. I wonder if we do so because we want to be able to differentiate between those who qualify, and those who don't. We like to have a "club" where all the members abide by the rules or else are banned. 

But as I am learning, God does not operate like that. God does not keep a check list, counting our deeds and putting them on one side or the other. When God watches over us, it is to defend us, forgive us, and transform us. We are the ones who put up barriers, live by fear, let our faulty understanding halt God's love.

So I need to put fear aside. For God is not hard to please. Humans are. And God is not human, God is Divine.