A transformed person

Sometimes I re-read things I've written in the past and think, wow, I wrote that? Other times I say, wow, I thought like that?

I realize now that such reactions are part and parcel of "journey". If we are moving forward, we are changing. And this change, when it is determined and sought after, has long been termed "conversion."

Conversion makes me a different person. Not all at once. But one step at a time. And over time, I become a very different individual, one I can hardly recognize down the road. A person whose world has become different.

That change depends totally on how I am searching, seeking and discovering. If I go with the flow, my change will be out of my control. But if I am deciding what to read, what to listen to, who to follow; if I am pursuing God in an active and contemplative way, then my change will be deliberate. I will be deciding the direction I want to go and making choices that move me forward.

Because true conversion is, after all, transformation. And a transformed person is a wonderfully authentic, generous, revealed individual. A transformed person is one who remembers life is a journey, and I am not there yet. I have more to learn.

A new day...

Monastic life offers many insights. Like the value of sacrifice, the benefits of silence, and the comfort of community. It also taught me that each day is a new day, a chance to make another new beginning.

For many of us, new beginnings come with New Year's Day. A new calendar and a new number somehow sparks thoughts of turning over a new leaf. Resolutions are decided and commitments are made. But why do we limit ourselves to one day a year?

In the monastery, every day offered a new beginning. It came with the concept of metanoia, conversion, turning myself from what I am to what I desire to be. We focused on metanoia, which means literally turning around, moving from facing one direction into facing a different one. Metanoia is a concept that comes from the desert Ammas and Abbas. It taught me that every day I can begin again.

I continue the practice of Metanoia, because it teaches me that life need not be dull. I do not have to accomplish my desires and my dreams all in one day. I can work at it a little each day, in a natural and gentle way. For metanoia is organic, and speaks to the fact that life is a journey. And on a journey, each day offers new beginnings.

Metanoia

The Ammas and Abbas of the Desert Knew how to Seek

 When I think of conversion, I like to think of it as the desert Ammas and Abbas taught it, metanoia, a turning of our minds and hearts toward something else. In that sense, conversion is not so much a regret (which is not at all in the basis of the word) but a movement toward something. For seekers of the Divine, that movement would be toward the face of God.

It's as though we live our lives with our backs to God. We are concerned with the tangible things that please us. But then comes a point when we realize just how shallow and even empty our lives have become. We begin to turn and look for something more lasting and fulfilling. In this sense, we are undergoing metanoia.  We are turning our attention and our hearts around, we are looking for something more, something eternal. This is the sense of conversion in desert literature.

The concept of metanoia most likely comes from the Epistle to the Corinthians: At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. (1 Cor. 13:12) We turn because there is someone to see, someone that is waiting for us. 

Metanoia Bringing Peace

We all like beginnings, especially when what we have isn't worth keeping. The chance to make a fresh start has inspired songs, poems and lives.

New beginnings is what metanoia is all about. And it happens every time you make it happen. You don't have to wait until a new year draws near, or a new month, or a new day. It can start right now.

Metanoia means turning around, change of heart, conversion. In plain language, metanoia is an ancient way of reminding ourselves that we are not set in cement. We have and can and should turn our face toward the face of God every time the thought comes to us. Each turning brings our souls and minds closer to the unseen reality of the Divine. And you can not come close to the Divine without it changing you in some way.

Metanoia. Turn, O soul, toward the light. Turn where grace is found. Turn and see, for life is better than you first understood. Turn to glimpse the Divine in readiness to take your hand and lead. Turn that you may walk the path destined for you. Turn that you may let his face shine upon you and give you peace.

Turning Around to See

The gift of God. It is a strange phenomenon in the spiritual life that we often have to have a gift before we can desire it. Or perhaps more correctly, we do not realize we have a gift until our eyes are opened and we see. Richard Rohr says in The Naked Now  that Only people who have undergone some level of conversion can be told they have the Holy Spirit and be prepared to understand what one is talking about.

There we are, at that pivotal point called conversion. The ancients called it metanoia and they knew it was an action carried out daily in life, not just a one time event. In our lives, we are constantly coming upon that "Oh yea" moment, when we suddenly see something in a different light. The same is part of the spiritual journey.

Perhaps we need metanoia because the spiritual is so elusive and intangible, but certainly because we need to train our thinking to spiritual ways. Metanoia is not so much a "conversion" as a "turning around, facing a different direction, a change of attitude." Even in the material world one knows the need for continued growth, to learn new things, to look at life in a better light. The same goes for the spiritual. We "turn" every time we seek. We "face" every time we find that spirit of God within. And then, we can truly "gaze" upon the Divine, knowing that the gaze itself is cleansing, enlightening, uplifting.