Our journey in the spiritual life offers us many challenges. I need to balance a certain kind of rhythm with enough ease as not to be rigid; my interior prayer with enough outward good deeds so as not to be either passive or totally depleted. But most of all, I need to "be" what I say I want to be, instead of speaking in glowing terms, but in reality, settling for less.
Having convictions is troubling. It means standing up and moving on when the case warrants it. If you love security, possessions, or even connections, nothing could be harder than to move on into the unknown.
I was once told by a fellow religious that my struggles in religious life came because I was "too big to fit into the box." I've thought about that a great deal since. To be true to myself and what seemed to me to be my truth, I had to risk everything I knew and had. It was a tall order. But despite the fears of insecurity, the lack of roots, the isolation my decision has brought me, I have not regretted following my heart.
Life is like that. It is easy to have big ideals. It is harder to follow through on them. But if I have a tug in my heart that urges me to move, I will have no peace until I follow it. It makes no difference whether the move brings me to a permanent place or is just a temporary stay. There is something in that movement that I must learn, and can only learn by doing.
To 'be' means to become those insights, those great ideals that you have been given. Do not let them perish in the realm of the intellectual. They do no good there. Be courageous enough to journey toward that which you believe.
You never know the grace waiting for you there.
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