This Year, find Gutsy

Tomorrow is the Feast of Epiphany. I've always thought of it as journey, as light shining through the darkness, as revelation. And it is all of those things. But something else is on my mind this morning as I sit here and write.

I was told repeatedly in the monastery, "Face fear, and fear will go away." I've lived by that quote for most of my life. And I can say that to some extent, it was/is good advice.

But I've learned another quote, one I like even more.

Am I gutsy enough to be afraid?

Or am I constantly trying to convince myself that I am not? Maybe being afraid is not the worst thing I can suffer. Maybe the worse is running from my fear, or pretending I am not.

Think about it. When you are not gutsy enough to be afraid, what happens? I've seen people isolate as they run from fear. I've seen others turn inside themselves to the point that they forget others. And I've seen some who race for distractions to the point that make it hard for them to connect to others.

And that, I do not want to be.

That brings me back to the Magi from scripture. Who says traveling into foreign countries with so much uncertainty did not produce some fear? They even got lost and had to stop to ask for directions. And they traveled, not enlightened by the sun, but following a new star that evidently no one else in the whole wide world realized was very important.

Talk about uncertainty. Talk about being gutsy.

So that is what I am hoping for this New Year. The ability to be gutsy. To accept those things that make me uncertain or afraid. And to carry that with me until I too am enlightened and freed.